Today was a Fairytale

it just came and I don't know why..ahahaha..Maybe still thinking of him.. :)

Today was a Fairytale

 

I woke up and stared at the ceiling

 

I see your face and experience this feeling.

 

I don’t know how it all happened

 

I just realized it always makes me smile.

 

I went to school and saw you

 

I didn’t notice the things in my hand fell.

 

You saw what happened

 

And you help me pick it up.

 

I went to my class with a smile on my face

 

And everyone seemed surprised.

 

I was different from the old me

 

And I don’t know why.

 

Then, you came inside

 

And sat beside me.

 

My face turned red as you touch my arm

 

And then you talked to me like we’ve known each other.

 

The time passed by and yet, I was thinking of you

 

I went home laughing to myself.

 

Mama saw me and smiled wide

 

Surprise on her face, she asked me,

 

‘How was your day?’ she asked.

 

Then I answered with a smile,

 

‘Well, Today was a Fairytale.’

 

She smiled as I went to my room

 

Still laughing at myself.

 

Author's Note

Ignore the rhythm and please tell me what to change. Thanks! :)

jhed:)
"ALWAYS SMILE:)"

Reviews

[Daydreamer54]

Seems like it was a perfect day to me! :)

[Huggy Bear]

The poem is very enjoyable and interesting:)

[livinglifeloud]

This is a really cute poem. It made me smile =)

[Faelyn ó Cuilinn]

Very lovely piece.

So very very charming. :)

Made me think of some of my own experiences.

Such a lovely thing it is to feel love's sting. :)

[Taylor H.]

cute poem. I enjoyed this

[Domenic Luciani]

its a really good poem, nice job. I agree with I.C. though, just a few changes.

[ICS]

Hi there. I noticed that you requested to be my friend, yet I had never read your work. So, here's my first critique of this piece. :)

Okay, a quick run down on what jumps out at me.

The first line, perhaps change "woke" to "wake" OR "stare" to "stared."
Line 10, "surprise" to "surprised"
Line 14 "sit" to "sat"
Line 15 "touch" to "touched"

I believe that the tense changes will produce improved flow with the above corrections. For fun, you may wish to rewrite it all in the present tense. This could have the potential to draw the reader even more into the experience.

My only other critique would be the amount of "smile" and "surprise" mentioned towards the end. You could experiment by asking yourself how you can express surprise and smiles without using those words. In other words, showing without telling.

Good poem.

- Ian

[rielovella]

wow! i like this poem. keep up the good work!

[sickgonzo]

This poem made me happy. There are a few errors as far as verb tense. But that's superficial compared to the depth of the language. This is pretty much a universal experience. At least I'd like to think so. It felt very dreamy though, maybe because this is most people's dream day.

[LisetteCanWrite!]

Ahhh.. this was cute and enlightening! The feelings of a crush can feel so much like a fairytale.. and can bring a spirit soaring or create anxiety.. here you are soaring and that is a great feeling to have!

If this is reality.. just don't forget your homework in between daydreaming .. lol.. I had to say this being a mom and just remembering what high school was like! Very nice flow getting those emotions out in writing.. keep it up!