One

This is the story-base of the poem 'Can I have you Back?' I hope many will like it.

One

            “Advance happy birthday Alyson,” My best friend, Bianca, greeted me. “I’ll miss you,” she said. She’s been my best friend since we were five years old. We bond together like sisters. “Don’t worry; it’ll just be 2 days. After that I’ll come home.” I hugged her and said goodbye to each other. “Okay, enough with the drama,” said Ami. He’s a special friend of mine. I met him when I was in 9^th grade and he’s on 10^th grade in Miami.

            We both transferred here in Nashville, but of course, he transferred here first. He already finished the 1^st year in college and now on vacation. He had tried to woo me but I didn’t really bust him out, I just said it’s not the right moment until today, I’ll finally answer him. Today he’s coming with me to visit my parents back in Miami and celebrate my birthday. “I don’t know why you can’t come.” I said. “Daddy’s gonna visit me today and check on schools that we’ll finally enter,” she said and turned to gesture me outside. “Don’t forget that I said thank you to your Dad,” I smiled.

            “Don’t forget the cookies your mom will bake for me, okay” Bianca said as we walk outside to put the bags on the trunk. “Of course,” I said. I hugged her again. Ami’s gonna drive the car my parents gave me when I graduated. It was a black Mercedes Benz E-Guard. We went off going to Miami and as Ami drove he kept talking and talking to keep me awake. He told me jokes and stuff that’s gonna make me laugh or even smile. What I like about him most is his smile and beautiful brown eyes. A man with brown eyes drives me crazy. I knew before that I’ve loved him. I just have to prove that he’s sincere so I made him wait until the time comes.

             It’s a 13-hour drive from Nashville to Miami and that’s 902 miles. And how did I get to Nashville? Since I’m almost 18 and going to college, they allowed me to join Bianca. Bianca has a house in Nashville and since it’s only her living there, she asked me if I could also stay there, so I asked Mom and Dad and they both agreed. I still remember what Mom and Dad said when I accidentally heard what they’re talking about.

            “Alyson’s really grown up,” said Dad “She wants to join Bianca in college.” he kinda likes the idea of me growing up.

            “I know she’ll take care of herself, so I allowed her. Besides, it’s college and she’s taking up Medicine. I remember when she said she wanted to be a doctor.” Mom told Dad.

            “Yeah, I allowed her because I knew Ami will take care of her. That kid’s got an eye for Alyson.” I knew they’re up to something and so I decided to go somewhere else. After that I went to see them and pretended I didn’t hear a thing they said.

            “Do you have a gift for me?” I asked him smiling. “Yes, but it’s a secret” he murmured. I was kind of excited about it so I just said “Oh, okay” he smiled at me as he gazed at the side mirror. He was driving for almost six hours so I told him to stop over at a gasoline station to refill the tank and have some snack before continuing.

             It was 11:45 a.m. when we stopped at the nearest gasoline station. It was almost 12 so we went for lunch at a fast food chain. “I’m so excited about my birthday, good thing I already graduated 12^th grade and its summer again.” I told him. “I’ve got a surprise for you, but you’ll know it tomorrow.” I murmured. He smiled at me liked he knew what my surprise was. He was still wooing me and it started since 9^th grade. I can’t believe he did that for me. I guess he’s very sincere and serious about relationships. “I sure did miss my parents though, it’s been a month since I last saw them,” I told him. “Don’t worry you’ll see them later, at least 7 more hours.” He laughed. I gasped and sip my drink. We continued our trip and started telling stories again.

            “Do you know that I play piano back when I was in 1^st grade,” I told him. “I usually play for my grandma when she requests to play her favorite song.” I said as I smile remembering the memories. “But now there’s no one to request songs to be played,” I said. He gazed at me for just a second ‘cause he’s driving. “I’m here,” he said. I looked him in the eye then he smiled, but the smile immediately disappeared, “I’m serious, I’m here for you” he murmured. I kissed him on the cheek and said “Thank you,”

            It was almost 5 p.m. and an hour or so, we’ll be in Miami. I didn’t sleep though I was kind of exhausted because of the long trip. “We’re almost near,” I said excitedly. “Tonight I’ll play you a song,” I said. We stopped at the intersection as the green light turned red. “What song?” he looked at me, “When I look at you,” I said. “You really love that song very much,” he told me. “That’s my song for you,” I said smiling. The red light turned green and we went on.

           We reached home at 6:32 p.m. “Okay, we’re here.” He said. “I can’t wait to see them,” I got out of the car and went for the door bell. I rang it twice to be sure it rang. My mom opened the door. “Oh my, you’re here” she said. I immediately hugged her. “Who’s with you?” She asked me. “Oh, you remember Ami? He’s my friend back in Nashville. Remember he was with you when I graduated.” I said. Ami got the bags at the front door. “Good afternoon, Ma’am” he said. “Yes, I remember him” mom said. “Did you say yes to him already?” she said. I was embarrassed, why would she say that in front of him. “Not yet,” I said. “Not yet? So that means you’ll still answer him,” Mom laughed at the thought. I entered the house and saw dad at the family room watching baseball on the flat screen. “Dad!” I yelled. Dad turned his head and stood immediately to hug me. “Oh, darling I miss you!” he said “How are you, princess?” He still calls me princess even though I’m old enough. “I’m fine. How about you?” I murmured. “I’m good,” he said. “Oh yeah, do you remember Ami?” I grabbed Ami’s hand. “Yes, how are you?” He asked Ami. “I’m good sir,” he said. “Thank you for coming with my princess here,” he said as they shake hands. “It’s a pleasure sir,” Ami said. Mom appeared “Did you eat already?” she asked us. “Um, not yet.” I said. “Well come on, why not join us?” she said. “Where’s Josh anyway?” I asked Mom. “Why don’t you check him on his room? Tell him we’ll eat. Oh, Ami put those bags down. We’ll eat first.” I heard Mom as I went upstairs to see Josh.

             Josh is my little brother. Before. I guess he’s all grown up now. I saw him lying on his bed listening to his iPod. “Josh, Oh my gosh! It’s just a month since the last time I saw you. I miss you so much.” I rushed and hugged him as I enter his room. “Aww, I miss you too, sis. How was Nashville anyway? Bianca’s with you right?” He asked me. “Yes,” I hugged him again and this time very tight. “You still have that crazy crush on Bianca, don’t you?” I asked grinning. “Believe me, that girl was crazy!” he said. “No, believe me; she’s sober now. That happened when I moved out. She kind of grew up.” We both laugh at the thought. “Come on, Mom’s waiting for us downstairs” I told him, “Oh wait, I’ve got someone with me,” I murmured. “Let me guess, is it Ami? Sis, I’ve been waiting. Finally!” this time he grinned at me then rushed down to eat.

Author's Note

This is only the Part One of the story so there's also a Part Two.I kinda add some sort of things that doesn't go with the poem. Ignore the wrong typo's and grammars. And tell me whatcha think. Reviews are very much appreciated.Thanks!
:)

Reviews

[bianca]

i come to think of this.. you're better at poems. add some spice in this story. you can do better than this. put yourself inside the story. make it real. you'll do amazing.

[The Analog Kid]

I would try to spice up the dialog a bit. Seems a little mundane. Seems also like it's packed too densly. Expand a bit. Overall nice start.

[Huggy Bear]

It is very imaginative and brilliant:)

[deeps]

I like this it touched me. This is a very well written story.
Lots of detail and wonderful imagery.

[WriterSki7]

So far, so good. It is a little uncatching; I have to force myself to read it and not skim through jsut to call it 'good'; which is what I suspect most people do. Not here, though. Seems you've gotten a bit of constructive criticism instead of the normal ego-strokers I usually see.

I'll wait for part 2 and reserve judgement for now.

[Domenic Luciani]

its a bit slow, the dialogue is a bit bland, and theres a few info dumps, but besides that, nothing too serious. It could do with a quick brush up to help with the readability but nothing over the top. Keep writing.

[Dev]

I like it.. :) There are few tenses off here and there but other than that an interesting read... Do write ahead and send me an RR :)