Mistreatment

written about someone who didn't treat me right

You wonder why

I can’t look you in the eyes

When you tell me you love me.

Why

I choke when I say

“I love you” back.

 

I wonder why

I fall for every boy I meet

Regardless of how he treats me.

Why

I find addictions so beautiful

Every bad habit so romantic.

I fell in love

With my state of calamity.

 

But I know why.

Every time you screamed

Calling out

My imperfections

My mistakes

My shortcomings.

Every time

You hissed your lies at me

“You’re not good enough”

“You’ll never amount to anything”

“Your character is what will hold you back the most.”

You convinced me.

You pounded these statements

Into me

So far

That they became truths.

I didn’t even realize.

Much like a horror movie

The audience sees the killer

Creeping up

But the main character

Is oblivious.

These truths became definitions

These definitions became the replies to my questions

Who am I?

What am I capable of?

Nothing became the answer.

You wonder why

When you buy me gifts

Or sing my praises

I hit you with angry words.

This affection is

A slap in my face

Makes a joke of all my issues

Invalidates all my insecurities

Gives me no proof of your evil.

You act so playful

Around everybody.

You make me believe

In you again.

You become the Santa and Tooth Fairy

Of all my broken dreams

And then you crash through

All over again

Shattering my beliefs

And reminding me

Of why

I don’t try and make believe any more.

Author's Note

Another older piece I rediscovered while going through old writing. Happy to say I'm far away from the way I was when I wrote this. Reading this reminds me that time heals and all gets better.
What I learned from this experience:
Nobody deserves to be in your life if they make you feel like shit. You are the master of your sanity and in order to preserve it you have to remove anyone who isn't good for you.

Reviews

[drcornelius]

A lot of complexity that is very clearly expressed. As a psychologist I can identify with the deflection and the codependence. What impresses me most is the incredible level of self-awareness. I especially loved the metaphor about the killer creeping up...... Good job. You clearly hooked me.

[Inject Positivity]

This could be a reminder for many people that they deserve the best in their life, if someone doesn't give them the right respect and love they deserve then they should leave those people... Nobody has the right to play with our feelings and if someone does that we must move on from them and never look back... I know the exact feelings June, I have been there, and time taught me that I deserve the best... I'm so sorry to hear such pain of you, it's heartbreaking, but I'm glad you are here and life has taught you it's real meaning... You are precious my dear frnd... God bless you...

Sincerely
Dhiman

[Nessly]

This poem couldn't be more true or speak more loud to those who suffer emotional and/or physical abuse. Great work. :)

[pksmart]

What a nice poem! This poem is close to my heart. Whatever you felt as a girl in the poem , almost same I usually feel.