CLOUD!

I've been thinking of war - as a state of society and how it affects us, this is my collective thought.

Clouds fill cells craving times once gone,

Clear skin holds tales as old as Adam,

Counting nuggets of gold along the way,

Clicked fingers to passers-by can’t fathom.

 

Loud noises heard miles away are here,

Leaning forward for them to see me cry,

Left side, right side, which side is right?

Lonely men standing tall wait to die.

 

Outrage at women taking up arms in haste,

Ordinary life’s changed forever in time,

Ousted secrets seem frivolous don’t they?

Old generals must now come to terms with their crimes.

 

Under earth we bury flesh we once ate,

Usher the new man to tell us old commands,

Uprising's are coming we all know it’s true,

Unite my darlings I beg of you makes demands!

 

Doubt creeps in forever no matter how clear,

Desolate thoughts scratch temples to defend,

Double your efforts he told me or face your foe,

Deals made will never stop the inevitable end.

Author's Note

Enjoy and be honest.

Reviews

[quarintine_deathangel]

If you believe as far as Adam then you know the human race failed once XD the end is only inevitable if we don't wish to change it. Fight forthe good instead of mourning the evil and corrupt it's "The Good Left Undone"(Rise Against) that we should really consider. One of my personal favorite parts in the Bible is revalations when it explains the seven churches. Each was right in it's own vision but had a tragic wrong. I see it as a realization and humbling more than depressing, it says what not to do y'know? Inspiring and motivational I guess :3 so yeah if you wanna check that out..Revalations 1:4-3:22 it's interesting to analyze even if you aren't a Christian. Hope that helps! As always thankyou for writing, I love reading your work ^.^

[poetdoug]

"Old generals must now come to terms with their crimes." Very powerful analysis and one we can all identify with as we will all give account for our actions at the last judgment I believe. Your great poem adds much weight to the seemingly temporary actions that we take here on earth. Our lives certainly have eternal meaning don't they? I love Thoreau's words: If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. Thanks for help us do just that my friend!

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Thank you for the review my love.

[Baby Ricochet]

kind of apocalyptic which is what war is. Great write Thomas

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Thank you x

[Marie]

An extraordinary acrostic. War is a collection of clouds that keep us from seeing the turth that would negate it.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

I agree Marie, thank you for the review! x

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

I agree Marie, thank you for the review! x

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Edit's made - let me know if you have any other suggestions. x

[Dayran]

You probably know the story of god offering David the choice of destroying Jerusalem or handing him over to his enemies. You provide a vivid picture of David's choice and its subsequent experience.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Thank you x

[Pete Langley]

The sad truth of the futility of war - never the justification it is given by those who lead us in....never worth the sacrifices of the participants. Some graphic and memorable lines, Tom, and an interesting acrostic ... but with a few grammatical slips I thought you might look at:-
1st stanza line 4.... clicked fingers that passers-by...
2nd stanza line 1.............here? .... instead of hear
4th stanza line 4 .........make demands!

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Thank you Pete, I'll make the changes.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Great Work :) Enjoy it. keep writing this is a promising piece.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

thank you Marc

[Lily Mae]

I like the way you composed this. It allows the reader to absorb the depth and meaning for themselves and apply that into their own lives. Well written.. Xo

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Thank you lily

[Rafia ~ Yellow Girl]

A fusion of different stories within a single piece. It took me a little while to understand and interrelate them all ... In the end though I must say I wish you should write a separate poem on all stanzas individually, because I bet they will be more entangled within further more concepts.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Thank you x

[Coyote Poetry]

"Loud noises heard miles away are hear,
Leaning forward for them to see me cry,
Left side, right side, which side is right?
Lonely men standing tall wait to die."
I don't know. I was brought up properly. My father respected all men who worked hard and left him in peace. I follow his example. I believe too many people(Countries) are going places they do not belong. Can't teach people to be Englishman or Americans. We are far from perfect. We don't murder for sake of religion and politics daily. We tried to get along.
"Double your efforts he told me or faces your foe,
Deals made will never stop the inevitable end."
Hard to beat the Devil. He rarely lose. Thank you for the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Thank you x