September 793

September 5th
Ghost has been spending his days in town. He is insistent upon 'helping' the doctor. He is also animate that should anyone die he be permitted to assist with preparing the body for burial. It's actually rather disturbing the fascination Ghost has with death and the human body. I decided to ask him about it when we had dinner last night. He just grinned and said that he wasted to "see if guts are really squishy". I know I looked disgusted, I didn't even try to hide it. Finally he sighed and said that he wants to be able to take away the pain he sees in other people. That he only knows of two ways that can be done, be a doctor and heal them, or kill them, and he isn't so fond of the latter option.

Ghost is actually sweet, kind, and has a great sense of humor, if you can break through his barriers. 

I did explain to Fran about how Ghost was staying with us, and she has been so kind in insuring that he is well fed. Though Ghost, it seems, is insistent upon finding a way to pay us. I can't imagine how, though. Nor will I accept any money he tries to give us.



September 9th
I have been taking lunch with mother, and dinner with Ghost. Though how mother knew I was not dining alone I can't imagine. I have not had a dinner with her since her sickness relapsed. She is sleeping most of the time. But somehow she knew and she asked if it was Ferron. I explained that it was Ghost, and that he had stayed behind be cause he wanted to apprentice to the doctor.
Mother nodded and said it was ridiculous that Ghost be staying in the empty cabin, and that she would talk to her own doctor, and that Ghost was to move into the house as soon as a room could be arranged. She said that if he was willing to do the work, she would be happy to allow him to stay. I voiced my concern about father, I know he will object, but she shook her head and insisted that I didn't need to think about that. The only condition was that Ghost needed to speak with her privately, as she wanted to 'interview' him so that she knew what to say to calm father. She said the doctor taught classes at the university in Ganduru, so he would be happy to help Ghost out, and that there was a possibility that, if Ghost was really that set on learning, it might be arranged that he could actually go the the University! 
This lead to another question. I explained to mother that I wanted to go to the university as well, but that I didn't know what to study. She smiled and asked me to tell her once I knew what I truly loved. That there is something in everyone's life that sparks passion. If I could tell her what that was, she would help me.

I took dinner with Ghost and explained what mother had said. At first he grinned, but that soon faded as he said he didn't do well as a servant. I tried to explain that we didn't have servants, just staff, and that he wouldn't be that, he would be a student.

He said he would think about it, and started stacking the plates. It was suddenly uncomfortable being there, as if I had said something horrible.
I tried to change the subject by asking about his day, id he had managed to see any guts yet, though I really didn't want the answer. He said no, but that he had found something cool in the edge of the jungle, and he produced a gigantic spider from the corner of the room!
Naturally I screamed. He looked shocked and set it down and asking it to please not take offence. That it needed to go home.

Now I can't say what is stranger, that Ghost actually spoke to the thing, or that it turned and walked out of the door. Ghost frowned at me, but didn't say anything. 

I looked from him to the door the spider had walked out of, and he finally sighed, saying he could hear their voices. That he had always been able to. He said that he liked spiders, rats, and snakes because they were like him. They only wanted to live, but everyone was scared of them and wanted them to die.

I hugged Ghost and said that I never wanted him to die, but he pushed me away. He said that he had never felt any anger towards Ferron before, but that today he did. That he was going to sleep, and that I needed to do the same.



September 10th
Ghost actually joined us for breakfast this morning. He said he was willing to take us up on the offer, but wanted to do somethings first. I said that I would talk to mother if he wanted to meet her over lunch tomorrow. He agreed. 
When I went to see him with dinner he turned me down. He said he had eaten already, and that it was best if I let him brood. I am concerned. There was something in his voice that has left a feeling of dread.



September 11th
Ghost showed up just before lunch in a new outfit, his hair combed, though still in his face. He was actually in a dark blue and not his normal black. I told him he looked fantastic, but he shook his head and said he only wanted to be respectful, not decent or attractive.
He joined mother and I for lunch, but despite out best efforts we could not engage him n a conversation. He would only nod or shake his head, and he hardly touched his food at all. I suppose he was nervous. He is very shy, after all.

As soon as the meal was done I helped Rosalie clear away the dishes. She and I talked a little, but really the only thing she thinks about is how she longs to have a baby. All I can do is smile and nod.

Ghost came down to the kitchen after nearly and hour and a half and said that he was meeting the doctor tomorrow, but that he would not stay in the house. That mother had agreed, and that he was allowed to make any change he wished to the cabin.

He still insisted that he dine alone. I wish I knew what was bothering him.



September 14th
Daniel showed up today and asked if I wanted to go stay in Ganderu again. As much as I love the city, I really didn't want to spend time with him. After what I heard on the last trip it was really uncomfortable being around him. So he asked if I would at least grant him the pleasure of an evening in Eaux Reves. This I could agree to. It wasn't that I didn't like him, but I see him as a friend.

The entire evening was quiet. He seemed to feel the same as I, no conversation, no jokes. Just unending awkward silence. Finally he suggested that he take me home. I quickly agreed that I was tired. He stopped the carriage just short of the Plantation gates and turned to me. He said that when I was not around life seemed boring, and that if I would marry him every day would be an adventure.

I said no, that he needed to find his own adventures before he invited me along.

He didn't say another word as he dropped me at me door.

I saw Ghost sitting on the kitchen steps so I took a seat beside him, he looked over at me for a minute before sighing. 
I have to quote him exactly becuase what he said sent chills down my spine.

"That man has no heart, he wants money and power, nothing more. So much pain will come at his hands, it would be merciful if we were to kill him now, yet society would never understand that."

Then he reached out and touched the necklace I got in Ganderu and told me that it would protect me from the sea, but not from men.

With that he walked away.

Sometimes I really wish I understood him, others I think it is best I just accept that Ghost lives in darkness, and I should quit trying to see past the shadows.



September 17th
Mother has decided that she really likes Ghost, though she is insistent on calling him Cardon. She said that if he truly wishes to be a doctor he shouldn't take a name that suggests he is already dead. Even Ghost snickered a little at that.
Though this is daily, Ghost in and out of the room, mother and I chatting. Rosalie joins us about half the time, laughing at mothers jokes, and telling about the adventures she and Alder had on their trip.

Mother is in agreement with me that we should give them some money towards their Inn. 

Ghost let me join him for dinner again, the first time in a week, but warned that he had company. I was surprised at first, but it was a rather large gold snake. When I came in it disappeared into the shadows of the room. I don't know what is more unsettling, seeing it, or knowing it is just out of sight. Ghost talked a little about the studies, and that he will go to Ganderu, if he is made the offer. I asked if Ferron would approve, as this would seem like a very sudden thing, but Ghost said that if anything Ferron would be happy that he was 'acting human'. I asked what that meant, but he didn't answer.

I decided to tell Ghost about Daniel, after all, he knows Ferron better then anyone. I asked him if I should keep waiting for Ferron, of if I should accept the offer. Ghost just shrugged saying it was my heart I had to live with. I asked if Ferron really loved me, and he said that nothing good could come from a conversation about other peoples hearts. He also said he didn't care, as no matter what happened he would lose.
I demanded to know what that meant. Why he was always so negative.
He shrugged again. So I said that id he didn't tell me I would take all my meals with him even if he didn't want me to! He stared at me, his mouth hanging open. Finally he found hid voice and asked if that was really a punishment, as he liked having me around. The he stood and waked out the door.

Ghost actually blushed. Though I am slightly concerned by that.



September 18th
I decided to ask Ghost what exactly Jiro was going to do that scared him so much. He shrugged the way he usually did when he didn't want to answer. So I said that if he didn't tell me I would hug him. He scowled at me, but still refused to answer. So I asked him why he blushed the other night. This got a response. He said he was scared that Jiro was going to hurt him. That there where people in this world that took what they wanted when they wanted it, and that he was one of them. The very fact that he was more willing to talk about Jiro made me want to know more, so I asked him if he liked me. He stepped back and stared at me as if I had tried to bite him. 

You know, my friend, dispite the fact that no one ha ever seen Ghosts face he is actually quite expressive if you pay attention.

He finally mumbled that being around me made him happy and that he imagined this was what it was like to have a sister. So I kissed him on the cheek to see if he would react, after all, he said I was like a sister. He blushed so deeply that I almost laughed. I asked if Ferron was like a brother, but he only grew redder. 

I decided that I had been rather cruel and that I needed to go. As I was walking out he said I was his sister-in-law, after all, so it was stupid to ask.

I'm pretty sure that was his way of getting back at me.



September 21st
Ghost has asked the day off quite suddenly. It seems that a body was found on the beach and he is insisting that he be allowed to "autopsy" it. He ha settled into the cabin quite well, having filled it with books and various herbs and plants. He still has no read furniture to speak of, though we have offered it to him.

He was not back by dinner, so I hope he is enjoying himself with the corps.

No matter how I think or read that it seems disgusting. I am beginning to think I have spent too much time with Ghost that such thoughts would even occur.



September 22nd
Ghost is quite pleased with himself. He talked them into letting him have the corps. 
Ghost took the corps.

He spent the entire day taking it apart one piece at a time and looking at how it was put together. When I went to dinner today he still has the heart, lungs, and several other pieces in jars. Seeing I was uncomfortable he covered them with a blanket.
He was looking intently at a book, at the same page, through the entirety of dinner. 
And suddenly I realized something. He wasn't studying the pictured diagram, he was intent on the words. He was reading the same lines over and over again, as if trying to memorize them.
I asked him what it said but he just shrugged.

Then it dawned on me. I asked him if he liked reading. He mumbled that it was a "Pain in the a*s". I asked who his teacher was, he shrugged. The comments he maid when I first told him of mother offer, that "he didn't do so well as a servant". 

I asked him flat out if he was a lord. He actually let out a little laugh, though it was quite sarcastic. And that alone answered my question, and I told him as much.
He finally surrendered and admitted that Ferron taught him what little he knew about books. That he wasn't good at reading, and that his arithmetic was almost all measuring and money. that he didn't know how to make the numbers on the page work the way Ferron could. It really didn't surprise me at all that Ferron isn't a good tutor. I scooted so that  could look over his shoulder and asked him to show me what he did know about reading. He shrugged. So I asked him to read it to me.

My heart actually broke. It really did. Ghost can't read at all. He knows the letters, and about half of the sounds, but that is the extent of it. Ferron taught him just enough that he could figure out signs. The rest, he always found someone else to read it to him. He never actually learned. 
It goes deeper then that. He doesn't have any schooling at all. None. What he knows is what he picked up from Ferron, and as it would turn out he doesn't even know how to write his own name.

Mother knows this, he said, and she suggested that he get books and practice what he knew, so he found books that he liked the looks of. Books on bodies and medicine. 

My friend! I have decided that I will school Ghost.

Reviews

[R Smith]

this is an interesting turn of events Kitalia as the tale becomes about Ghost who has blossomed into a fascinating character, i'm wondering what your plans are for him and when will Ferron reappear, the story continues to be highly entertaining :)

[Kitalia Emme]

I do hope that you enjoy Ghost, as Ghost is one of my favorite creations.