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Seeking to be forgive by these thoughts of disgust and rejection of what my present reality might be if I just was another puppet. I accuse myself from baring witness and acting with accordance of god’s plan for me not to interfere. I should have went to the animal in need and even if it was pointless, I would of lived without the regret and self-shame. After many of the day I spent contemplating these thoughts, I claim to the conclusion of talking to someone.

“Many people have felt this way Gin, so what else do you want to talk about?” This was the answer I was given because of my awkward question that most people didn’t know how to answer without given into a real truth about oneself. Then I met Stephen who in which gave me a new escape. Stephen gave me a bullet on my 18 birthday and 5 more bullets every year. But between those 6 years iv began to view my experiences with Stephen as more and more extreme. Further and further I began to see more insanity within these 6 years of 18 to my 24 birthday.

September 30, xxxx, it’s my 24 birthday and I’m the only one here to celebrate it but I got a call by Stephen. He told me that I would meet him at his place and have something to truly never to forsake. When I was walking over to his house, I carried the 6 bullets he would give me every time my birthday came but I knew that when my 24 birthday came I would have to use these bullets. But I have had some life changing advents that have been with Stephen but also some confusing moments that I thoughts gods was just as a reflection of myself but more perfect like Stephen.

Stephen also gave what was most define as “resolution” to my question. He would give examples of many stories of what could calm me down and then he would help me further develop social skills by pushing me to meet new people. unfortunately I thought of those people as nothing, and as so I thought of myself entitled to damnation to the highest degree but Stephen was there to make me escape those thoughts. Even with all my confusing times I had of self-reflecting I still had control of the stem problem that would form into new monsters and then turn into my action.

Author's Note

Thanks