Cellar Door

I'll swear to you now, as I swore to you then

You are, dear sweet, my fatal friend

Caught in the masquerade behind my tear soaked lashes

You've broken finger nails scratching at the cellar door

Till you collapse in a heap and weep to fading stars

Unaware of how you are the continuous concrete upon my thatched heart

That I hurry to fix and plan to again destroy

Calamity seized in the black dawn of promises

The repetition of lunacy winks cold and bright

The only solid light in the crevice of your tightly closed fist

Fatality drudges a nervous line of sweat on your brow

Too eager to take your plain life from Father Time's book

Your steps break into a run from the cellar door

Too late to forget the amber eyes of a nearby crow

Too soon to understand fatal mistake made in your easy conviction

Spinning, spinning, spinning, dissarayed

Jerking back and forth in your gaze stands the beckoning door

No more but Eternity will say your name or sing your song

You look down at shaking hands and bleeding nails

One final anthem shall herald your lost claims to the infinite

'You are, dear sweet, my fatal friend

Forever wandering in the masquerade behind tear soaked lashes'

Reviews

[Eagle Cruagh]

Come, slide down my cellar door
"And be my friend for evermore.
Don`t know where that came from,
but thought it appropriate.
It is hard to review you, because your
stuff is always sweet, nostalgic, inspiring,
but not an error anywhere.
Great stuff !
---- Eagle Cruagh

[LuciDxInsanitY]

Thanks so much :)

[zainul]

Wonderful write.
Enjoyed the metaphors.

[LuciDxInsanitY]

Thanks :)

[zainul]

You are welcome :)

[Who Cares]

Wow, again this dark twist is cathing my attention, yet I wouldn't really say this piece has a dark twist on it, I would classify it as just being a haunting piece. Your flow was wonderful and well put together. I also love the centered format you used, it makes your writing look very pretty and unique. I love how you used some word play in there as well the beginning almost linking to the end. wonderful. Your imagery was again vivid and extremely realistic. You pretty much created a movie in the readers head. Your vocabulary usage was great; a splendid use of adjectives " Spinning, spinning, spinning, dissarayed, Jerking back and forth in your gaze stands the beckoning door" I absolutely must favorite this one. Nice job keep writing.

[Wolfie]

wow, just wow. Great poem, I love your word choice and imagery. I also love how the line "You are,dear sweet, my fatal friend..caught in a masquerade behind my tear soaked lashes" is mentioned in the begging and slightly changed to end the poem. awesome job!

[LuciDxInsanitY]

Thanks for a the feedback, appreciated.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

absolutely beautiful! the emotion was clealrly expressed as well a extremely strong. The vocabulary you used was vast as well as very descriptive. The dialogue made it more real as well just amazing! The symbolism and analogies just made it come alive. The rythme was absolutely flowing as well. It was amazingly easy to read just perfect in my opinion dont change anything about the poem itslef though you might get more reads and comments if you arange the stanzas add a description nd maybe some pictures. You kno make it nice and shiney lol :-) keep up the lovely work!

[LuciDxInsanitY]

Thanks :)