Project Backwards; Chapter Six

 

Chapter Six:

 

     Steve blinked as he came out of the fog into bright, blinding sunlight.  He was yelled at by a short man sitting in a chair.

 

     “Cut!  What the hell?  How did you get into the frame?  Where the hell’s security?  You b******s are supposed to keep nut-jobs off my set!  Now how the hell am I suppose to use the scene of the walls of the city falling down?  This was a one-time deal.  Well, I guess I’ll need to do some fancy editing.  Wherever you came from, get the hell out of my picture.  Great, Silver Screen Pictures spends a fortune on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s collapse of civilization novel, ‘All the Walls Falling Down and Crushing People’, and some nobody idiot ruins the climactic scene!”

 

     Steve couldn’t very well say, “I’m a Time Traveler, who was just with Sir Arthur, who didn’t learn from me, or change a thing: that title!”  No, he simply said, “I’m sorry; I didn’t realize this was a movie; I thought ‘Southern California, earthquakes?’ and just freaked out when I saw the walls start to fall and ran, these sets are so believable!”

 

     “Well, thank you, but you shouldn’t be here.”

 

     “I’ll move, and once again, please accept my apologies.”

   

     Just then, an impossibly-handsome actor came up, and said, “Pardon me, Dieter, but are we through for today?”

 

     Steve just stared, Rudolph Valentino!   The short director, apparently this Dieter, answered,  “Yeah, Rudolf, I guess since this guy,” pointing at Steve, “ruined the take, that’s it for today.  Now I’ve got a long night trying to edit this mess!”

 

     Steve cringed; was it his fault whoever or whatever was controlling his jumps through time landed him here, in the middle of a movie set, and in the middle of the most important scene in the entire movie?   “Look, I’ve already apologized for that.”

 

     “Ya, ya,” and then Dieter the Director muttered, “dummkapf!” under his breath. 

 

           “Good then, I’ll be in my trailer,” said Valentino.  Steve decided to follow him back to his trailer.  He had long idolized the man, and wanted a chance to speak to him.  Valentino turned and walked away, with Steve following.  As Valentino walked into an empty space between sets, Steve heard a mighty cheer, and the women being held back by ropes and burly security guards, swooned and someone yelled out,

 

     “There he is!  Valentino, I want to have your baby!”

 

     “Miss,” Valentino said, nodding in her direction.

 

     “Oh no, it’s Mrs.” replied a flush-faced woman. 

 

     He kept walking, and the screaming faded a little.  He eventually got to the door of a trainer with “Rudolph Valentino” stenciled on the door.  He entered, and the door closed behind him. Steve debated what he would say, and knocked on the door.  After a few seconds, the man himself was standing before Steve.

 

     “Yes?”

 

     Steve froze upon meeting, ‘The Latin Lover’, and blurted, “Rudolph Valentino; I’m a big fan.  I must have seen every movie you made at least 100 times!

 

     Just then, wild screaming sounded behind them.  “Oh my god, there he is, Rudolph!”

 

    “Son of a b***h!  They somehow found me.  Come on in if you’re coming; those crazy broads are driving me crazy!”

 

     Steve climbed the steps to Valentino’s trailer, entered, then the screaming was quieted by the slamming door, as Valentino shut it. “F**k, leave me alone!” he muttered. 

 

     “Who, me, or the ‘crazy broads’?”

 

     “Oh, not you, those screaming women; pestering me night and day; to them, I’m just eye candy!”

 

    “But the made you a super star.”

 

     “Maybe so, and why are you speaking in the past tense?”

 

     Ooops!  Steve thought, “I mean, could make you a super star.”

 

     "Well, don’t get me wrong, it’s kind of nice, but to them, I’m just sex in a costume.  I’m so much more than that; I’ve got a brain!”

 

     Steve was shocked.  He’d always assumed Valentino played up the sex; his status as a sex symbol; only to find out he was deeply troubled by his popularity with women.  He wanted to be viewed as a great actor, not meat in a sheet.  “Well, I think it’s kind of cool to be viewed as a sex symbol.”

 

     “Oh sure, you’ll never have to worry about it, but believe me, it’s not that great!”

 

     Steve’s ego crawled away, mortally wounded, and he replied, “I’m just saying, there are worse things.”

 

     “Maybe so, but I’m tired of it.  I’m thinking of demanding my next role will be Plato, in the movie, “Plato Time!”  I’ve been sent a script...”

 

     “Trust me, nobody will go see you in anything other than tight trousers!”

 

     “You think so?  Well, you might be right.  Such is my curse to be typecast this way!”

 

    

     Steve was back on the movie set, after talking Valentino out of committing career suicide, and listening to director Dieter Johan say,

 

     “Well, there’s not a lot I can do.  I don’t think it’ll fly,” and he then said, “but let’s go look at rushes.” and Steve then found himself surrounded by the cast, seated in a make-shift theater, watching Valentino saying, “Oh no; the walls of the city are falling!”, then a scene showing the city walls collapsing, then Steve saw himself pop out of nowhere, and then the final credits ran.

 

     “You know, now that I see the final footage, I’m sure it blows!  I don’t know where you came from, or how you got into the frame, but you couldn’t have appeared at a worse time.  If I cut out the part where you just appear, the city collapsing will have to be cut, and that’s the whole point of the movie.  I’m afraid the whole film will have to be scrapped.  Shister!”

 

     Shister? 

    

 

     Steve wanted to be away from this Hollywood nightmare.  He’d grown so tired of being blamed for ruining ‘All the Walls Falling Down and Crushing People”, like he’d had a choice!  What a moronic title given to it by Arthur Conan Doyle; what a winner!   “Get me out of here!” he shouted, and everything went black.

       

Reviews

[Michael Stevens]

Valentino was THE heart throb actor in the silent movie days. He died at the height of his popularity back in the 20's.

[char]

I honestly do not know who this is. Plato? In my opinion, Plato's an a**hole.