My Father

My father was born in Russia and, at age two moved to Cairo. He told me he got dressed like a beggar, and knocked on his front door. He was always a character! He died at age 96, still sharp ...

       

My FATHER ...

With crying and dismay my father died …

remembering his sky blue eyes once more.

Although, not young, his loss I cannot hide

upon my morning walkings' quiet shore.

With much of him, my memories fill dreams;

of tiny tadpoles caught in nearby streams.

Along wet edges, I played without fear;

I'd always known my father would be near.

Joy's starlite opens Heaven's dreaming past,

as silky drops of twilight linger on.

True, time has passed, my father dear is gone …

still knowing, dreams of him will surely last.

Author's Note

This is my first try at a Rhyming Quatrain.
Would love to know what you think about it.

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

the story steps forward instantly .. the star of "My Father" ... i find the rhythm and rhyming add a beautiful flow to the whole ... nothing trite nor foreign in those rhymes ... everyday language elevated to your quatrain ... that's what i think Ms. Lissaview!
E.
ps. an incredible pic .. a rare treasure i am sure .. sounds like he had a great sense of humor .. :)

[Lisasview]

I believe the photo was taken by his father, who was not only a great painter but also photographer... I have masses of photos...
Thank you for reading and reviewing and I am so delighted you liked it...
He was quite something...
Lisa

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I think there is still an audience for rhyme...and this is done well...but I am more concerned with the sentiment which overrode the form here.
I miss my dad so much...and this was a drop of him for me...thank you for that.

[Lisasview]

Thank you so much...As i enjoy form I seem to go for it...I wrote free verse for most of my life (usually with some rhyme.) I had no eduction in any of this...so it is all very new to me.
Yes, the sentiment is what matters..boy do I miss him..

[W. Barrett Munn]

Lisa, when you tackle metered verse and poetic forms you are taking on some of the most difficult writing that is possible to attempt, almost impossible to make it sound like anything near normal speech patterns which is why formal poetry over the past 100 years has fallen out of favor. A good friend made the comment that when we try to emulate the past all we can do is copy what has been done.

As for writing in rhyme, some of the harshness can be removed by enjambing your lines so the end rhyme is buried somewhat in the rhythm of the sentence; another useful tool is near-rhyme, like spoil and spill.

I admire your attempts at conquering this type verse; I only hope you keep in mind this type mountain has already been scaled and now we are into zip lining. :-))

PS: Don't think me totally against form; T.S. Eliot and Ezra Pound, titans of free verse, both produced rhyming quatrains long after they had introduced free verse to the world.

But now, free verse has pretty much taken over.

[Lisasview]

Well, I do not agree with you. I believe there is a place for structure. If I enjambed my lines then this would no longer be a rhyming quatrain. It would be a simple free verse... which is not very hard to do. You and I have completely different ideas about what good poetry is about. I appreciate your feedback, but....
Lisa, still in Spain and still typing with my left finger... fell and broke my clavicle...not fun!

[W. Barrett Munn]

Yikes, what a terrible accident for a poet and painter.
I am truly sorry you have had your accident. I wish you well and a speedy recovery.

Winston

[Lisasview]

and, a pianist!! a real nightmare.
Thank you

[W. Barrett Munn]

Triple yikes!

[W. Barrett Munn]

Concerning what you said above, that if you enjambed you lines it would no longer be rhyming quatrain, I think you have been misled.
Here is an example by Alfred Lord Tennyson of enjambment in rhyming quatrain to show you what I mean.
Forgive my grief for one removed,
Thy creature, whom I found so fair.
I trust he lives in thee, and there
I find him worthier to be loved.

The third line is enjambed, there rhyming with fair but because one line is enjambed the rhyme is not so blatant.

That's all I mean and meant. Total slavishness to perfect meter and end rhyme is not what the great past poets did.
Sometimes, a iambic pentameter line needs to have a female ending, an 11th beat that is unstressed. Sometimes lines can be enjambed and still rhyme.

These are not my ideas. This is simply history.

[Lisasview]

As far as I know there are structural rules to Rhyming Quatrains..but I will looking it..