Sapphire Dreams

Written for one of my groups.

Sapphire dreams, elude me,
Leaving sleep only dark, empty.
Pictures black encased in mist.

Vivid color has faded now.
Wondering the whens and hows,
Dreaming became clouded, dark

Your face wrapped in fog,
Hidden in a swampy bog.
Shrouding present time and space.

Magical scent fill the black air,
Reaching outward with love and care.
Your pheromones speak to me.

Knowing it's you, by the scent,
Heart beats rapidly, anxiety spent.
Feeling in the dark, your figure's there.
 

Reviews

[The Perfectionist]

Fog and bog rhyme funny. Don't know why, but that just reads weird. Anyway.

It's a short poem with a short, but complete, story arc, and in that sense it's very strong. Some of your wording is strange, and feels like you forced it in so it would rhyme, but it never stands out to any significant degree. I liked it.

[Ruth]

This has shimmering imagery to it, a beautifully crafted poem that leaves the reader dwelling on all emotions!
To reach out in the dark and touch that something of a figure, mysterious and eerie!
xx

[J. Randall Dodd]

poetic beauty,

this is a beautiful poem, with generated feelings of serenity and anxiousness. expertly crafted... i enjoyed it very much.

only a few nits as follows:

1. s1,l3: "pictures black, encased in mist" rather than pictures black encased in mist
2. s2,l3: period at end of line needed (or comma/semicolon if continuing into the next line.
3. s3,l2: comma at end of line, rather than a period.
4. s4,l1: "magical scent filling the black air" or "magical scents fill the black air" rather than magical scent fill the black air. i personally think "filling" would work better as it's active and matches up with "reaching" in following line.
5. s5,l3: "figure's" rather than figures.

once again, a beautiful and emotionally charged work. i like! :) later.

sincerely,
jr

[The Water Queen]

The structure and words gives the reader a mgical whimsical feel. I love the imagery and the flow. This is a stunning wonderful read.

[Jenny Nelson]

Very mystical, ethereal feel. Kinda a tad dark too... I like it! Great imagery.

[Crowley]

Co0ol feel to the structure and rhythm of this poem. Beautiful tactile images conjured up a fantasy setting and a romantic feeling. loved it.

[Kat Plunkett]

I Like this (: