The Pelimpsest Garden - in collaboration with I Have a Voice

special thanks to Light and to Richard for helping make it right. Richard was so kind to show where the iambic scheme was incorrect and how it reads in a corrected form ..:)

Palimpsest Garden

A Poem by Einstein Noodle

" a collaboration with I Have a Voice; our first go at the English Sonnet "

"Palimpsest Garden"

hubris forms in hiding, neath winter's grace,

all paths before in spring, fall and summer.

the cycle completed will now erase;

but traces of root and bulb still glimmer.

daffodils, enchanted by an aura

like a grin on immortality's face

falls fresh overlaying all earth's flora.

one moon, it's sun; and shadow set the pace.

time, immemorial, twisting our sight 

each moment, each now erased, re-written,

a planetary palimpsest's delight

renewal addicted; werewolf bitten

new epics are heard as each petal falls

rise up and receive; the universe calls.

by I Have a Voice and E.

2014

"Palimpsest Garden"

huBRIS FORMS in HIDing, NEATH WINTer's GRACE,

all PATHS beFORE in SPRING, FALL and SUMmer.

the CYcle comPLETed will NOW eRASE;

but TRACes of ROOT and BULB still GLIMmer.

DAFfoDILS, enCHANTed BY an AUra

LIKE a GRIN on IMmorTALiTY’S FACE

falls FRESH OVerLAYing ALL earth's FLORa.

one MOON, it's SUN; and SHAdow SET the PACE.

time, IMmeMORiAL, TWISTing our SIGHT 

each MOment, each NOW eRASED, re-WRITten,

a PLANeTARy PAlimpsESTS deLIGHT

reNEWal adDICted; WEREwolf BITten

new EPics are HEARD AS each PETal FALLS

rise UP and reCEIVE; the UNiVERSE CALLS.

by I Have a Voice and E.

2014

[in correct iambic format]

"Palimpsest Garden"

huBRIS in HIDing FORMS 'neath WINTer's GRACE;

all PATHS beFORE, in SUMmer, FALL and SPRING.

the CYcle NOW comPLETed WILL eRACE,

but TRACE of ROOTed BULBS, still GLIMM’ring, SING.

enCHANTed BY an AUra, DAFfoDILS;

a GRIN (like IMmorTALiTY’S proud FACE)

falls, OVerLAYing EARTH’S fresh FLORal THRILLS.

one MOON, its SUN, and SHADow SETS the PACE.

time IMmeMORiAL shall TWIST our SIGHT;

each MOment AND each NOW  eRASED, rewrote,

a PLANeTARy PALimpsEST’S deLIGHT …

adDICtion THUS reNEWED; by WEREwolves SMOTE.

new EPics SPOKen, AS each PETal FALLS,

"rise UP, reCEIVE!" the UNiVERSE so CALLS!

        Cowrite by

I Have a Voice and E

           ©2014

Author's Note

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

Thank you Light for putting me back in the game with this old post ... these sonnets are so hard for me and doing re-doing is the pattern until it is correct ... one part is good but not another .. you change the "another" and now the "one part" is off .... i did not want to go to that painful place again tho your critique is correct ... but you are the hound of heaven, dear, and your persistence and contribution prevailed .. now please tell me its correct :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[lightsong]

Bless Your gentle heart my dear friend, Your kind spirit and Your never weak inspiration, I don;t think I deserve all these wonderfully beautiful words from You, yet thank You with all my heart 💓

[TL Boehm]

werewolf bitten. Why do i like that line so much. expressing oneself beautifully without contrivance within the confines of a sonnet is like trying to eat thanksgiving dinner in a corset. Your talent is impressive. Nods to the both of you. Wonderful lines throughout this one.

[Einstein Noodle]

wow TL! i am supercharged now! really happy your keen eye enjoyed and i am more than gratified by your sensitivity to the difficulty modern English and me ... have in writing a sonnet with least syntax stretching and un-trite rhymes ... very glad you decided to read this one ... the werewolf is my favorite too ... it puts another layer down eh!? love love love to ya dear friend!
E.

[Chris Shaw]

Well done the pair of you on this sonnet. Always a difficult form to tackle, to get what I call the drum beat correct. Some beautiful imagery and choice of language here.

Chris

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks Chris! very gratified you liked it ... your poetic form and rhyme is excellent on a daily intake of it ;) Thank you so much for reviewing!
E.

[Chris Shaw]

Greetings Mr E. You are most welcome.

[andrew mitchell]

Wow! a wonderful, splendid write Einstein, so well written, terrific imagery and I wonder why you visit my paltry offerings lol. You are leagues in front of me on the poetic journeys we undertake! Impressive to say the very least Sire!

[Einstein Noodle]

ohh not so sir ..but thank you for your generosity .. this collab was worked over and over with many painstaking re-dos .. and as you can see from my own review .. we still had a line to fix .. thanks to Light .. i think it is finally done and correct .. I Have a Voice is not here any more but working with her was a real treat ... i must share your very fine encouragement with her .. whether she is around or not ... thanks Andrew! i appreciate the time you spent and your review!
E.

[andrew mitchell]

You are most welcome my poet friend.:)

[lightsong]

superb uniquely done, the harmony of You the two is great, specially when writing a Sonnet the most complicated of poetry forms.

I see the immortality of poetry exactly as the immortality of earth and the universe. just something I wonder about , in the last couplet isn't it supposed to be (falling) in the first line or (call) in the second one?

[Einstein Noodle]

good eye Light! i wondered about that myself when i reposted ..I Have a Voice is not here any more so i can't ask her if that was something we decided on deliberately or not ... it might have been a rhythm thing ... what do you think of "...our universe calls" ? ... and thank you for reviewing ... i agree the sonnet is not easy .. and especially for free verse people... of which i am ;} but well worth the effort :)))))))))
E.

[lightsong]

all I know that the couplet should be ending with the same rhyme (GG) and sure with the 10 syllables of iambic pentameter for each line, so maybe this can work,

new epics are heard with each petal fall
rise up to receive, our universe call

I don't know I'm not an expect not even a bit, I just played with words maintaining the syllables, rhyme and the meaning.

[lightsong]

expert not expect :)

[Einstein Noodle]

i like it ... but will have to confer with my partner in crime to make that kind of change ;) but i think what you offer fits well ...

[lightsong]

hhhha of course I understand :) just note my friend You can't put (calls) it must be (call).

fall~call
falls~calls
falling~calling

[Einstein Noodle]

oh c'mon now!!!! i am getting the headache this sonnet gave both of us ... i am rebelling sir! calls it is >;/

[lightsong]

hahaaa sorry I really never meant it that way, again I say I'm not an expert not even a bit :)

[Einstein Noodle]

Richard is a resident expert on forms ... i could run it by him but that would assure me of not just a HA but a whole cluster of them ;) and what do you mean ... you didn't mean it that way...of course you did you sadist ... holding me toes to the fire ... ;)

[Einstein Noodle]

you do know i am just kidding .... the restrictions of iambs, feet, lines and rhymes make a change have rippling effects that frustrate ... i am taking your critique to heart ..it must be fixed or it is not a sonnet .... so back to the drawing board for me .. i will have to review what the sonnet is ... again... :) i do honestly seek corrections ..its one of the bigger reasons for being here ..to get the help i need :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) my Norma would tell you thats impossible at this point ;)

[Einstein Noodle]

the more i read your solution the more i like it ... :) maybe i will have to make an executive decision

[lightsong]

dear Mr.E don't worry at all I'm not even the least offered in anyway, in fact I was smiling knowing what You were facing, so let us all smile and wish You the best of luck in Your Sonnet's studying I know You WILL need it lol, of course if You need help and good critique You ask it from Richard or expert poets like him, not someone who is me the rebelling poetess ;) LOL

[Einstein Noodle]

yes but you have given me the answer :))))))) and i saw earlier i called you sir :} ... not deliberate my friend ... i will sleep peacefully knowing all is well ... Happy Thanksgiving to you and all your family and friends ... such a treat getting to know you a bit ...

[lightsong]

Hahaha... never worry, I think I'm a very handsome Sir ;)

Happiest Thanksgiving for You too, and all Your loved ones.

[Einstein Noodle]

Light!!!! by jove i think i've gottit! ;) check it out please ... what do you think?

[lightsong]

Just add "and" in the second line so the syllables are counted as ten,
rise up "and" receive; the universe calls.

now it looks good "for me" :) Youuupiiii! thank You Jove and E!!

[Einstein Noodle]

done ... please note the due credit given as well ... in the description and my own review ... thanks Light ... your a corker and i'm delighted to call you friend

[lightsong]

You are far too kind my friend E, I did nothing, it was just a little something my eyes caught, as You know I know nothing of writing a Sonnet :)

[Einstein Noodle]

me either ;))))))))))))))))))))))

[Ken Simm.]

The thing about the Palimpsest is that the skin should be scrubbed clean after every use. This shouldn't. This is a keeper.

[Einstein Noodle]

oh my goodness old friend (may i call you old?) ...what a fine way to say you liked it...i am gratified for the day sir! thanks always
E.

[Onlyme]

I could actually picture this inside my mind's eye. Wonderful images to ponder and observe.

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you for taking time Dawn ... glad you saw what we wrote ;) that's a big part of what its all about eh!? thanks for reviewing my friend
E.

[Fran Marie]

and so the cycle of nature's beauty continues ..layer upon layer..the old ..the new. Time rewrites life's passage making room for much more created beauty jn this lovely garden to spring forward .

.an enchanting sonnet collaboration you two

[Einstein Noodle]

exactly Fran! lots of layers everywhere ;) i am happy you enjoyed the read dear friend!
E.

[Neville]

I think you just cracked that English sonnet barrier...
see twas all in ya mind, ya head, ya noodle....
never mind me, I still dare not venture near........... I say, perfectly penned by the pair of ya... N

[Einstein Noodle]

it is challenging .. especially for blokes like us eh!? our good friend Ken Simms shared a poem recently using the word polimpsest so i dug this old one out to re-share ... I Have a Voice and i certainly had to struggle and work it ... but well worth the effort ... one needs something solid to take off from ;} thanks sir! i appreciate the time you spent here.
E.

[Neville]

I understand completely.. I think...and agree more.. I had a friend once who had one of those polimpsets up his nose, but had it surgically removed.. good mane to ya me friend....

[Einstein Noodle]

well....there are a lot of layers up there ... one can be picky you nose ;))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Neville]

snowt like folk ya nose...