A Poem by just take a breath

he was driven till his head was numb

ready to make a dumb mistake


with every step he took

another soul would quake

and so he grew faster-


he noticed a type of monster he would make


he dreamed of hurting

felt the urge

he knew with every move he took

his insides were on a verge


now every moment gone to waste

forgotten every day

he lost his body

lost control


lost his love

his heart-

his soul

© 2011 just take a breath

My Review

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sometimes i must a little bit wait and don't just leave
so i can rise above the hate i sometimes feel
towards the so called real world
what others may percieve as hell
i don't i might say it out louder and that always feels better

the incredible hulk
the rightious anger
the gentle nature

Posted 12 Years Ago

nursery rhyme-ish in a way or like one of those childs poems that just keeps sliding further and further south! very well executed which is why it communicates well!

Posted 12 Years Ago

very cool poem! I especially love the last stanza;it flowed so well. :D

Posted 13 Years Ago

great work here, and i do agree, that last stanza was the best in this one. i sure like this one a lot! nice job here.
"he dreamed of hurting
felt the urge
he knew with every move he took
his insides were on a verge"
now this was great as well and i like the rhyming. i felt that that last line in this stanza could use a bit of explanation though (aka, on the verge of what...), if you get what i'm saying...
just my thoughts on this one. great job!

Posted 13 Years Ago

Hey that was nicely done. I loved your last paragraph, though. "Lost his love, his heart - his soul" - then what else can you be but a monster, if you lose those three precious things? Great stuff

Posted 13 Years Ago

Great poem.
I loved the ending.
It's like a bright light that's fading away. Lost his love, his heart, his soul.
Great job!
Thanks for sharing

Posted 13 Years Ago

Easy to become a monster. Anger can steel the kindness and hope. A powerful poem. No weakness. Just direct to the point and strong. A outstanding poem. Thank you.

Posted 13 Years Ago

Seems a real person is standing in front of your eyes..!!! Nice imagination painted through words..!!

Good Job..!!

Posted 13 Years Ago

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8 Reviews
Added on January 26, 2011
Last Updated on June 27, 2011
Tags: scream, loud, noise, breath, break, love, hate, me, mom, dad, brother, sister, insects, life, cry, feelings, feel, real, friends


just take a breath
just take a breath

about me? im 15, im a girl, im blond, and tend to take my feelings out through music and writing. if you knew me, you would know non-believers drive me insane! this includes people that say "your t.. more..


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