monster

monster

A Poem by just take a breath

he was driven till his head was numb

ready to make a dumb mistake

 

with every step he took

another soul would quake

and so he grew faster-

stronger

he noticed a type of monster he would make

 

he dreamed of hurting

felt the urge

he knew with every move he took

his insides were on a verge

 

now every moment gone to waste

forgotten every day

he lost his body

lost control

 

lost his love

his heart-

his soul

© 2011 just take a breath


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Reviews

sometimes i must a little bit wait and don't just leave
so i can rise above the hate i sometimes feel
towards the so called real world
what others may percieve as hell
i don't i might say it out louder and that always feels better

the incredible hulk
the rightious anger
the gentle nature



Posted 9 Years Ago


nursery rhyme-ish in a way or like one of those childs poems that just keeps sliding further and further south! very well executed which is why it communicates well!

Posted 9 Years Ago


very cool poem! I especially love the last stanza;it flowed so well. :D

Posted 10 Years Ago


great work here, and i do agree, that last stanza was the best in this one. i sure like this one a lot! nice job here.
"he dreamed of hurting
felt the urge
he knew with every move he took
his insides were on a verge"
now this was great as well and i like the rhyming. i felt that that last line in this stanza could use a bit of explanation though (aka, on the verge of what...), if you get what i'm saying...
just my thoughts on this one. great job!

Posted 10 Years Ago


Hey that was nicely done. I loved your last paragraph, though. "Lost his love, his heart - his soul" - then what else can you be but a monster, if you lose those three precious things? Great stuff

Posted 10 Years Ago


Great poem.
I loved the ending.
It's like a bright light that's fading away. Lost his love, his heart, his soul.
Great job!
Thanks for sharing

Posted 10 Years Ago


Easy to become a monster. Anger can steel the kindness and hope. A powerful poem. No weakness. Just direct to the point and strong. A outstanding poem. Thank you.
Coyote

Posted 10 Years Ago


Seems a real person is standing in front of your eyes..!!! Nice imagination painted through words..!!

Good Job..!!

Posted 10 Years Ago



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1416 Views
8 Reviews
Rating
Added on January 26, 2011
Last Updated on June 27, 2011
Tags: scream, loud, noise, breath, break, love, hate, me, mom, dad, brother, sister, insects, life, cry, feelings, feel, real, friends

Author

just take a breath
just take a breath

About
about me? im 15, im a girl, im blond, and tend to take my feelings out through music and writing. if you knew me, you would know non-believers drive me insane! this includes people that say "your t.. more..

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