Hurting For You

Met a girl senior year who I fell in love with, but she didn't feel the same way about me. I don't blame her for her feelings, it just hurts. Sharing this poetry helps me move on

Take a look through my eyes
See beyond my disguise
Right through my clouded lies
See that I'm hurting for you

There's no point in lying
I'm so sick of denying
The tears I've been crying
Are from hurting for you.

The truth is unpalatable
The lies are unbearable
The hurt is insufferable
The hurt from wanting you

Yet somehow I know I'll make it through
The pains and hardships of loving you
Trust in this statement, know it is true
I hate and I love hurting for you

Sometimes I blink and the pain is there
Sometimes the pain is too much to bear
Sometimes I wonder why life isn't fair
Why do I always hurt for you?

The truth is unpalatable
The lies are unbearable
The hurt is insufferable
The hurt from wanting you

A lifetime has past
The days went by so fast
Yet one truth will always last
I will never stop hurting for you

Author's Note

Please leave a review and be honest, I want to know if my poetry is actually good or not

Reviews

[kitty blur]

Your use of repetition was really meaningful - you said that you were hurting for this girl in slightly different ways each time, and I love how that turned out. There was also the repetition of an entire stanza in there, and I think that added some extra power to this poem as well. It was written in a slightly different style than the rest of the poem, but it still captured the same mood for me. Lovely. Beyond that, I truly empathized with these feelings - if you ever read my poetry, I'm basically talking about the same guy over and over again, because hurting for someone who doesn't even care or even acknowledge it is an absolutely difficult experience to go through. "I hate and I love hurting for you" and "I will never stop hurting for you" also expressed that even though you may want to let this person go, you can't. You've invested too much time emotionally and now the thought of letting them go seems harder than the suffering you go through by loving them. Like, damn. You got that point across well.

If I may critique: The fourth stanza has a lot more syllables than the others, and it briefly disrupts the rhythm that you have going on in the rest of the poem. There were also little things with syllables in some stanzas where I think omitting or rephrasing some words could improve the flow. For example, in the first stanza, you could say "take a look through my eyes / and beyond my disguise / all of the clouded lies / see that I'm hurting for you". The syllables in the last line I wrote don't match the others, I know, but that phrase fluctuates throughout the entire poem so I think it can be the exception. Please take this all lightly, because all of this is merely my opinion. I hope I wasn't too harsh.

I like the writing of yours that I've seen so far. I really resonated with this piece and that means a lot to me. Keep writing because I want to see more of your work. :)

[Darian B.]

Thank you for this, your opinion wasn't too harsh at all and quite the contrary, it was very helpful for me and I actually agree with you. I have a lot more poetry I have written that I want to post on this but I think that syllable length is one thing I really need to get a handle on. Thank you for the kind words you spoke as well, it helps to know that I'm not alone in my feelings. I've talked to many people about the way I feel and while they comfort me, no one has truly understood how I feel because they haven't been through my situation. In fact all of my poetry concerning a girl is about the same girl. I look forward to reading your poetry, and I will definitely post more of my poetry. Thank you so much!

[William Liston]

This is a very touching poem. I basically agree with everything kitty blur said; I wish to elaborate more on the poem's flow. Since kitty critiqued this specific poem's rhythm very well, I'll give you some advice for poetry as a whole. When writing a poem (especially if it rhymes and has no specific meter), pay close attention to the number of accented syllables in each line. To maintain a steady flow, each line usually needs to have the same number of stressed syllables. In unmetered, rhyming poetry, I usually follow a simple rule: Never have two stressed syllables side-by-side in a line; make sure there are always one or two unstressed syllables between them. Please respond if you have any questions.

-William Liston

[West Lake Angel]

You did a good job of expressing your feelings. I imagine someone playing a guitar as it's being sung.

[Darian B.]

Thank you! I have always wanted to pair my poetry with music and see how it sounds, I'm just not a talented singer or musician :)