Cost of a line of poetry

What does it take to write a line of poetry?

As the pen hangs delicately

Over the paper sheet

Paused, like the wheels of

An aeroplane set to land

 

I question, cross-check and

Verify my thoughts

As if a crash is imminent

If something goes out of hand

 

I wish we realise and recognise

Writing as a set of complex calculations

It is words and not numbers

That is added, subtracted, divided

Else the reader is misguided

 

Thus, each word eventually penned

Is weighed a tonne for its worth, my friend

There is no use of obscenity, rhetoric

Or anything tough to comprehend

 

 

Such confines, our art is often subjected to

In the end, it’s consumed by a chosen few

But why clutch the reins of my mind so tight

I wonder why I so easily give up without a fight

 

Thus before you all, it is this oath that I take

That I shall sacrifice nothing for the art that I make

 

Let my writing be of my own voice

Un-modulated, unrestricted or repressed

Expressed from its deepest core

Unwilling to bend to any critics’ sharpened sword

 

A voice, louder than a lion’s roar

I shall prove once and for all

That the pen is indeed mightier than the sword

Reviews

[Brett Hernan]

I liked this poem, particularly the imagery of the aeroplane landing upon the page, so loaded with thoughts, that the pilot (author) under gravity is sometimes forced to guesstimate the impact and might leave a mark upon the runway, which might as well be, for all intensive purposes simply strokes upon the piles of other rough landing skid marks. (Entering a library and just looking at a single shelf to me is a great ego leveler!)

This poem says exactly what it does, speaking with a true and determined voice about the psychological approach to the process of writing. In that alone it has great value.
As a writer, I can relate to it.

My only criticism would be that possibly the division of a few concepts which currently comprise one line might add to the dramatic timing of a piece so full of vigour that if separated into a greater number of shorter lines, which would allow, during the transition in that millisecond of human eye reset time where a concept is absorbed and the next is set up below it for immediate consumption in an=, 'rapid fire' manner, thus enhancing the poignant impact of each individual line. I believe that this piece would really lend itself well to a faster pacing of that type.

As with all constructive criticism, it is important not to try to sell your idea too strenuously, (as I inadvertently, have just done!)

Highly personally interesting to me, was that this poem highlights both the contemporary dilemma and the incredibly amazing, new opportunity bestowing abilities that poets and writers have been equipped with, in our contemporary historical period, by the introduction of, effectively, instantaneously ready access to a digital printing press which auto-publishes to a potential global audience, thus equipping any author's output with an even greater status than even they might traditionally have felt could have been given them by an actual, physical, paper-bound volume, established publishing house-issued version of their work, because it has virtually a universal accessibility to the entire global population, (those who can afford bandwidth, and aren't currently running for their lives, that is).

This, I saw expressed in your stanza,

'Thus before you all, it is this oath that I take

That I shall sacrifice nothing for the art that I make



Let my writing be of my own voice

Un-modulated, unrestricted or repressed

Expressed from its deepest core

Unwilling to bend to any critics’ sharpened sword.'

That's it there, exactly. The chant of the freedom to refuse any interested party a say. A total freedom of self expression and complete editorial control opposing any muting of that expression. It's honesty to one's self which makes or breaks an artist. We've honestly gone forward.

The requirements for publication in other web poetry sites, with or without attached print editions, or the submission guidelines for most substantively paying poetry contests, often state that 'any work of previously self-published poetry online is declined a valid entry status', and you'll find your works also often disqualified from inclusion for consideration because they just don't want to encourage a new way, threatening to the old modal form and endorse a revolutionary, completely free artistic expression publication modality, because its very presence powerfully endorses it own absolute state of accessibility, and this illustrates that it easily supercedes that which was, previously, traditionally for centuries, the mainstay of the status quo.

This poem for me expressed and evoked these sentiments perfectly, and valiantly.

Thank you for the opportunity to review it and to follow this train of thought to a crystallisation of an idea which previously may not have been by me realised.

[Ashwin Shanker]

I don't think anyone else would have written such an exhaustive review... Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts with me...
I am keen to read your reviews for other works of mine

[Brett Hernan]

Many thanks Ashwin.
I am glad you found it helpful. I admire your passion.
I am privileged to be able to examine both your works and those of anyone else kind and brave enough to put on public display, their writing.
I find it fascinating, but unfortunately I am rarely able to take time to write many reviews, at all, ever, Though I very much wish to. As you have noted, I try to thoroughly explain my interpretation of a work.
Six arms and a third head would be useful right now!

[Ashwin Shanker]

Wish we all had six arms and three heads... I would give an arm and a leg for that :P

[Winslow Des Totes]

I love the tone, depth and core concept of this piece! It speaks to every writer and their love/hate relationship with their art; it is not just a form of expression as much as an outpouring of all that cannot be internalized or ignored by the brain any longer and it is not always lovely and sweet or even somber and dramatic; it is simply the words that cannot be expressed in any other form than that which we perceive it to be. Love it or hate it writing is an art that cannot be explained without the struggle to delve so deep within ourselves that we fear to become lost but somehow and with great and often times tumultuous effort we emerge with the diction and style in tow to finally free the emotions that once plagued us for so long we cannot fathom and after tirelessly arranging and styling to fit the tone just right we pour onto page ourselves; so completely that at times when we've finished we feel very nearly empty and then at last we can breathe... that is until the well of thought and care that we had purge slowly fills again; drop by drop and we as the endlessly thirsty start out again to do it all over and over and over again-forever and ever. Such is our lot in life and I frankly wouldn't have it any other way. Very thought provoking and enjoyable write. Thank you!

[Ashwin Shanker]

A review from a writer like you is most most honorable. Do have a look at my latest work and let me know your thoughts.

Regards

[Winslow Des Totes]

Will do! Thank you :)

[emmajoy]

You write with such precise and determined thoughts and feelings.. each stanza expressing this or that way about your respect for placing words for yourself and others, for creating what you want without boundaries but respect.

My only thoughts are that you try too hard to use rhyme, sound is sufficient. for example, instead of 'time' following 'lime' could use 'right' .

Your penultimate stanza is more than real, more than finely displayed.

[Ashwin Shanker]

Thank you EmmaJoy for your thoughtful review.

[purpleray]

'Such confines, our art is often subjected to
In the end, it’s consumed by a chosen few
But why clutch the reins of my mind so tight
I wonder why I so easily give up without a fight'
amazing!!

[Ashwin Shanker]

Thank you Purple Ray for your generous review. Glad that you loved the poem.

[Tbear]

Very nice piece.. I especially enjoyed your second to last stanza.. Let my writing be of my own voice
Un-modulated, unrestricted or repressed
Expressed from its deepest core
Unwilling to bend to any critics’ sharpened sword.. I have felt this quite strongly myself and believe that for every negative critique there are ten positives.. the only line I thought could use some help was.. I wish we realise and recognise ... try I wish to realise...does it change or enhance what you want to convey.. Write on..

[Ashwin Shanker]

You have pointed out a very good idea, which can be improved upon. Thank you. Stay tuned for the changes

[Mirror]

You kept an important message simple and clean.
Good job. :)

[Ashwin Shanker]

Thank you mirror for the review. Well appreciated :)

[andrew mitchell]

One can only enjoy this poem, my sentiments exactly, and no matter how many times we crash we do come out somewhat unscathed.:):)

[Ashwin Shanker]

We keep proving that the pen is indeed mightier than the sword :)

[Raymond Federle]

Excellent work. I enjoyed reading very much!

[Ashwin Shanker]

Glad to know that you absolutely enjoyed reading the poem. Thank you Raymond :)

[iamshadowine]

"A voice, louder than a lion’s roar
I shall prove once and for all
That the pen is indeed mightier than the sword"

Excellent lines i must say! Great plot to write on. i love how you've used the words in the poem!

keep writing :D

[Ashwin Shanker]

Glad that you loved the lines Shadowine

[Jenny]

third stanza, third and fourth lines didn't flow as well as the rest of the poem...

"The difference is that its words and not numbers/ That is added, subtracted, divided"

Howver
The first stanza is my absolute favorite and creates a beautiful image. i think that is a brilliant way to start great writing
wonderful!

thank you for sharing!
J

[Ashwin Shanker]

Thank you for the review Jenny

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree and I liked your logic and thoughts about writing.
"A voice, louder than a lion’s roar
I shall prove once and for all
That the pen is indeed mightier than the sword"
I hope the above lines can be true. Thank you Ashan for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Ashwin Shanker]

Cheers Coyote

[Coyote Poetry]

Cheers back to you my friend.