I had promised you. I'm sorry.

I had promised you. I'm sorry.

A Story by Abbie
"

No idea where this idea came from.........

"
     My name was Jason. I was 31. I had dark brown hair, and deep blue eyes. I had was a strong soldier fighting for my country in the army. I was also engaged to the most beautiful girl in the world, my little Lauren. I loved her more than anything. She had the sweetest smile, and the prettiest laugh, and the best personality. Now,  She was bawling her eyes out screaming at my non-existent self. And I say non-existent, because that's right, I died. I had died for my country though, so It was a good way to die, a proud one.

     So right now I was a ghost, standing, well floating actually, behind my wife that will never be. It was the day we were supposed to have the wedding, the day I got back from the war. She was in our room, wearing her wedding dress, crying in a pile on the floor.

     "I-I-I can't believe you. Y-y-you promised! You p-promised me forever!" she screamed at me, as tears rolled down her beautiful face. It was always beautiful, no matter what.

     I remember the promise I made her. I promised her that I would come back, and we would be together forever and  always. It tried so hard to be safe, yet keep my country safe as well. I just couldn't do it. Sometimes, things happen.

     I floated right in front of her and sat down as well, looking into her beautiful, yet blotchy, brown eyes. They had turned red from all of her crying.  I knew that I had to take the pain away, but how? I can't come back to life! Then it hit me, I can allow her to hear me, but only for a little bit. Then I must go on.

     "Lauren, can you hear me?" I asked quietly.

     I don't exactly know how I did it. Maybe by willing it to happen? I don't know, but I obviously did, because a second later, I heard a sharp gasp. Laurens eyes flickered around the room.

     "J-J-Jason? Your alive?" she asked,still searching the room after hearing my voice.

     "No, Lauren, I'm dead. I'm a ghost, and I only have a short time to talk to you. So let's make it count hon." I replied.

     "O-okay.... Jason I love you. I always will. I will never love another! I promise." she said crying some more.

    "Lauren, I love you too. I will see you again when your time comes, but no sooner. Don't you even think of suicide. Please don't." I said sincerely. I could think of nothing worse than my little Lauren killing herself. I just, I don't know what i would do.

     "I won't. Even to be with you I won't because your life ended before it begun, so I will live life to the fullest, for me and you!" she said smiling a bit, her tears fading.

     I was about to reply, when I started to feel a lifting feeling in my body, which meant it was time to say goodbye. I knew I only had a short time, but I didn't think this short! I had to get in one last thing.

     "Lauren I know our time was short, but the time is up. I need to go. I just want you to know one last thing. Lauren, I promised you I would come back, but I didn't. I had promised you. I'm sorry. I love you, forever and always!" I said, kissed her on the lips, not that she could feel it, but because I knew I would never kiss her again.

     I then let the lifting take over my body. I had completed my last wish. my life...and death...was complete. I was being taken out of our...now her...house and brought to the sky by the lifting feeling, when I could have sworn I heard her whisper "I forgive you, and I will love you, forever and always."

© 2012 Abbie


Author's Note

Abbie
well, what do you think? my first short story. I think it really stinks, but please let me know what you think (yes, I'm talking about reviews ;D) !!!!

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Reviews

Holy crap this is sad...things like this always make me sad. This is one of my worries. If I ever fall for a guy, he'll leave me some way, and I'll never know which way.
Anyway, it was lovely, sorrowful and warming all at the same. Very nice :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


W-What? Me crying? N-NO I JUST HAVE ALLERGIES. *turns away to wipe tears*

This was sad! Very very sad! D: Like depressingly sad! Did you get the idea from anything going on in real life, or was this a spontaneous write? Either way, its got a somewhat realistic feel to it.

The only thing that somewhat bugged me was how he referred to his fiannce as "my little Lauren". Saying "little" makes me think of his daughter or niece, so it was weird when he spoke of her in romantic context. But other then that, I see no wrong in this piece (small grammer and spelling errors aside). Very nicely done!

Posted 8 Years Ago


oh my gash
saddest thing ever... yet i loved it! please continue to write short stories!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Oww how sad and it does not stink! I enjoyed this - well done

Posted 8 Years Ago


This was great! I really enjoyed it!

Posted 8 Years Ago


I like it!!! This is amazing for a first story!!

Posted 8 Years Ago


i enjoyed this one. Its excellent if its your first short story! Writing improves gradually, and I'm not talking negative! :) Well penned!

Posted 8 Years Ago


This story has a good concept, but it is little ruff around the edges. In some places some additional word or some less would make it a bit more fluent, but otherwise you are good at this. Different talk is that it's always hard to write about something you have no experience of and you try to think how it would be, so somebody who has experienced that gets a bit of frustration if you miss, but overall this story is almost perfectly imperfect. Well it's enough to mention a ghost ( well I don't really like this word ) to keep me reading to the end. I hope I will have a chance to read more stories from you.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Fast paced and it could have been tweaked to be more emotional. Or at least in my opinion. Nonetheless, I enjoyed the general concept of this poem. May I suggest attempting to change the story and making a novel? I'm sure you would write a great novel with this concept1

Posted 8 Years Ago


Abbie

8 Years Ago

might make it into a book. not sure though.
Tai Ryens

8 Years Ago

I do hope you update me if you decide on doing so ~
Abbie

8 Years Ago

Okay! ;D
I loved it!! I want to know what Lauren does next or even jason gets a chance to come back when she really needs him or something!! Oh by the way Jason is my favorite boy name (not that has anything to do with it lol) You need to continue this is awesome!!!!!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Abbie

8 Years Ago

I'm thinking of possibly-only possibly- of making this into a book, but I already an writing three.... read more

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Added on July 7, 2012
Last Updated on July 10, 2012

Author

Abbie
Abbie

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About
hey guys! I'm Abbie :) about me: I'm fourteen I love to read I love to write I like anime I'm in the eight grade, soon to be ninth I want to be a teacher when i grow up I also want to pub.. more..

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