Am I in Reality

Am I in Reality

A Poem by The High Poet
"

This is a new version of this poem let me know if you like it better

"
A crack is forming in my reality
Is this what it's like to loose my sanity
I look around and nothing seems right
The days are dark and the night is light
****
Oh please let this be a dream
Something beautiful and serene 
But the darkness haunts my thoughts
The ground starts to get incredibly hot
****
This must be hell I tell myself
Maybe my brain has gone off the shelf
Or maybe this is just who I am
Caught in a life I can't unerstand

© 2010 The High Poet


Author's Note

The High Poet
work in progress... all comments welcome

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Featured Review

The connotation could be uplifted to fit the meaning, but the flow of the theme or controling idea is spectaculiar. From the agony of insanity to the contrast of dark flames.

I think this is your strongest line: "The ground starts to get terribly hot" and then the following lines after it emphasizing that the crack in reality has impacted you so much.

However, this line: " The days are dark" could be so much stronger, like a synonym for dark or something.

This line "the night is light" could aslo be better without breaking the rhyme scheme.

Even this line: "The ground starts to get terribly hot" could be much better to create a deeper meaning.

Other than that, keep working on this, this could is a wonderful idea and desrves to become better more than a five minute write.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I enjoyed reading this piece! I was where you are once, all I can say is there will be better days ahead. Sometimes we need to experience the dark to find the light. Well Done!

Posted 8 Years Ago


"A crack is forming in my reality" - The best one line I have read today..
Amazing, touched the very core of me.

Posted 9 Years Ago


this is powerful. I loved it

Posted 9 Years Ago


Nice sucinct write with cadence and an interesting twist of night and day. I am left wanting to hear a little more after the last line as you say it is a work in progress - however, I believe this to be very powerful as it stands now as well. Thanks for sharing.
Light,
Siddartha


Posted 9 Years Ago


This poem has potential and it sounds like you want to add somewhat more lines to it, and this is a nice journey into the subconscious. I loved - the first line ... it is so difficult to begin a poem, and you did it successfully.

Posted 9 Years Ago


This was very good. :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


It may not be finished but it's still great :D

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


I'm glad this is not finished! This is a very interesting concept and truly reflects how our realities are fragile and fading. Reality is our brains perception of our surroundings, but who's to say what our brain sees is what actually is? Keep working on it! This could be the best poem of yours I've read so far with a little work.

Oh and on a side note: I really like your works!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


This piece even spoke reality. Ironic but then, I say, One thing is for certain: Hallucination is one real thing. Keep writing.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


I think this works well on its own. It looks like a Shakespearean sonnet and, apart from a few places, it flows like one. Nice work!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago



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Added on April 22, 2010
Last Updated on August 5, 2010
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Author

The High Poet
The High Poet

Guelph, Guelph, Canada



About
Once I ran and hid my face Scared to face my disgrace Always running no way out Now I stand and shout THESE ARE MY RHYMES! When I write it's like I have tapped into some kind of creative ener.. more..

Writing
Power Power

A Poem by The High Poet



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