Day in the Life

i kinda wrote this on the spot. i was having a really crappy day, for various reasons.

I give seventeen presents for Christmas

and get three,

one from a friend

who left for vacation,

leaving me alone to face

the world and its inhabitants

with hate-filled faces

and the cruelest sense

of humor

and no date

because I’m gay

and all the girls are straight or maybe

closeted,

hiding from the world and

from the hulking monster we call

society,

afraid of being the next outcast,

the next prisoner freed

from the Presidential Suite

with doors locked from

the outside

and when I look around the tent in the hallway that I have

taken up as home, I see

no one, just

far too much empty space

and when I smile through the prisoners’ window

trying to find a friend

amongst the idiots who are convinced

they are happy,

all I get is a

weak grimace, which I find so

depressing that I have to escape

so I leave math class for the bathroom,

notebook in hand,

and write my poem leaning against the bathroom wall

and shuddering

and you wonder why on earth

is that crazy girl

writing in the bathroom,

for gosh sakes,

so you look at my notebook

but are surprised by the

translucent ink

which is not ink at all,

but my river of tears, the watery ghosts

of dreams denied.

Author's Note

this is a pretty new style for me, with the linebreaks in the middle of phrases. how did i do? i think it's supposed to be choppy, to help show the frazzled and freaked-out attitude of the narrator.

also, go ahead and call me selfish for the christmas present thing, but it doesn't feel good.

another quick note: i know that not everyone is homophobic. i am out to my parents and my school, and everyone's cool with it; i am even accepted in my religion (unitarian universalism). but it seems to me that i have been 'different' and 'abnormal' since kindergarten, for several reasons besides sexuality.

Reviews

[Poe]

It is a different style, not the greatest flow, but I guess for your first time thats fine. I am sorry for you for having to go through this, and also I agree that society is placing us in a spot where you must not tell you secrets, that way you will be accepted. I do not like the whole "in the bathroom writing this" kind of thing because that takes away from the poem I guess. But I love the ending.

[Save the Trees, Save th..]

wow this is a really good poem. . . it was kinda choppy but good all in all. i agree that the bathroom thing isnt the greatest but i think it truly captures the voice of a missunderstood teen hiding from the redicule and teasing voices of all the other kids who are so called "normal." very very good

[poet2angels (lynda)]

First of all, I think you did very well for a first time writing in this style!
I love the emotion and realism you expressed...
Secondly, I want you to know that no everyone is homophobic.
I'm not. My best friend was gay. He passed away 11 years ago, and I have never found
another friend or person like him and never will...Yes, there are some closed minded
people out there, but everyone:)

Ty for entering!

Lynda

[Zarathustra]

Amazing....
and I love the fact that you are standing up for you believe in.

[RamenPunk]

ITs good i like its great but i hate the poeple who are life flow flow this yes it imporatant but its about expressing ur self. :)

[Kevin Vorshak]

Well, I'm not going to pretend to give you any advice on your poetry, since by far it isn't my strong suit. I will tell you that your writing has a maturity to it that I generally don't attribute to writers your age. There is anger in your writing, but it isn't the out of control, hate filled writing that I've seen. You certainly don't strike me as a conformist, which I respect. Just bear in mind that not everyone is homophobic, nor is the life of any teenager, gay or not, a pleasant experience. So, as to not be too preachy, I like what you wrote, especially the last lines

so you look at my notebook
but are surprised by the
translucent ink
which is not ink at all,
but my river of tears, the watery ghosts
of dreams denied

This I found very powerful. Thanks for sharing.

[Alana Zombie]

Brilliant!
I can definitely relate!
Probably one of the best teenage inspired poems I'm yet to read on here.

[Satchmo's Gal]

I love this. Your improv writing rocks!!! But not everyone is against gays. There are people like my bff/sister Skylar, who accepts me for who I am, and there will be people in your life too. And I also know how you feel about the all girls being straight thing... it sucks, but it's life.

[gravitylava]

I can tell that you were upset when you wrote this-which made the poem really good. I love the part about writing in the bathroom and the way you describe your tears.
Excellent write.
-michelle