Anonymous

In over my head... 

Learned over years that simply when we make him or her our higher power or put them before God that is like putting Him on the back burner for when it is convenient... And if one is doing this than more than likely to add onto the sick nonsense the other is doing the same. And in most relationships I have been engaged in male or female, religion aside as well as race, creed, and color, as well as past or family history most do tend to lean on what is seen rather than the faith that most of us are familiar with. We say "hold on God, when I need you next then I'll ask but until then, were good." Our lack of trust in Him diminishes the older we get and the further we fall into societies materialistic expectations. Whether it is men, food, shopping,etc. that is our crutch and is convenient when times are tough. I'm not sure if people are unaware or if they just pretend like they do not know that God knows our hearts. In the end that is all it will come down too. Our acts do not give us a free ride. No matter what we give, who we help, the person involved should not be begging for credit from anyone let alone Him. Time and time again have I been guilty of this and it brings anger and resentment on myself bc I know better. Men are as worse for me as drugs n alcohol. There are numerous ideas and or facts stating the obvious... Daddy issues but why or how can we just chalk it up to that and move on. Forgiveness is an act and does not always happen over night. This exercise of forgiveness comes from a loving place in our hearts and sincerity that we do want good things for this person but when it has held such an enormous weight for so long it is like a comfort that is uncomfortable giving it up. If it is in our nature to be married and so emphasized that marriage is the acceptable thing to do and society says u are supposed to be then we better be. Well what if we carry that hurt from our father or men who have been abusive in some way shape or form then it will always be a battle to love them unconditionally. Our trust is little and we go into a marriage without loving ourselves therefore how many of us truly with all of our hearts love God first and put that relationship above all others? And how many put so much stock into a man or marriage or career or family that we lose sight of true unconditional love? This is what He wants. This is not a recent epiphany but it is one that is sticking and come true to many times thus far that every single time I am in a vulnerable spot I will tend to get in a frenzy and bail on Him. His timing seems all too long and it does not align with ours so in a desperate attempt at whatever it may be we think we cannot do it alone when in fact we are never alone. The more trust we have in Him the more blessings we will see. The more opportunities we are given to give Him the Glory and we do not choose to take them then we miss out on sharing about Him. What if He wanted to show someone that He can help them but since you did not let Him in your situation you cannot share bc you chose to rely on a man to come thru which will never pan out bc He also is a jealous God. When you know better and you still so blindly choose this over and over again you might think seriously if the enemy just maybe taking a weakness and using that to deter you from His will.

Author's Note

Ignore grammar, etc. just getting a feel once again.