Dream

I wake up looking at the empty space on the bed next to me and panic hits me. Where's Gabe? I get up going into the front room and stop dead in my tracks. Why is Derek sitting on my couch? He notices me and smiles getting up and walking towards me causing me to take a step back. A look of confusion crosses his face and he says, "What's wrong baby? You look like you've seen a ghost." He tries to put his arm around me and I take off running going to the kitchen and grabbing a knife holding it in front of me threateningly.

My heart thuds painfully as I look at him standing confused in front of me, "Why are you here? Where's Gabe? What do you want?" I take a menacing step towards him forcing him to instinctively take a step back.

"Rose calm down. I spent the night last night. And who's Gabe?" He tries to make his voice soothing to calm me down which infuriates me more. Who the freak does he think he is? I jab the knife towards him signaling that if he comes any closer that I will stab him.

I glare at him and say icily, "Gabe is my fiancé." Then the dream shifts and I'm watching him walk out of the door after he told me he was in love with someone else. Without knowing why I run out  of the house and grab the water hose spraying him then he disappears...

Author's Note

If you're reading this sorry I can't do much on my tablet when it comes to writing with bold unbold and italicized or else I would post more

Reviews

[Jerryyoung1z]

I'm not the type of person who spends a lot of time reading stories on here, but I read just a few words in the first chapter and I just couldn't stop reading.
Narration is one of the most important things in a story and I particularly love stories told in first person. I figured this Rose character loves to snuggle a lot lol and her insecurity is likely to do a lot of harm in her relationship with Gabe. You really should continue this story, I would love to read more. Would Derek the tormentor of her dreams pop up in the future and poke her wounds when she thought they are finally healed? would Gabe finally realise he can't hold on to his promise? would there be a new character to contend against Gabe and Derek? You really should write more.

[His]

okay I'll try :) lol I had no idea where I was going with this story

[GalaxyGhost]

This is good! I love the ending bit where it is a sort of dream, especially when the protagonist is washing away that bad piece of the dream away. It's interesting and I hope I can keep on reading more from this story!

[Bob Veres]

This definitely doesn't suck. The writing is good, and the narrative takes you forward, although it feels like you keep inventing new things to challenge the relationship, and then resolve them too easily. Why not let her think he's cheating on her for a few days, a week? Just as she's about to leave him, the marriage proposal comes, and she has to do a major reassessment on the fly.

It would be an interesting twist if you had two realities that were presented objectively, and we knew that one was the dream, but we could never quite figure out which was which. (She goes to sleep, switch worlds. Then she goes to sleep, switch again.) One reality has an abusive relationship with Derek, where he keeps coming back and she has nobody else, the other a rocky but ultimately satisfying relationship with Gabe, with Derek somewhere in the background. You've invested a lot of time in her dream life; a little more investment would create a LOT of curiosity.

Either way, this is good writing, but the plot is a little forced. My advice is always the same: relax and have fun with it. Being god of your characters' universe should be fun, and controlling the reader's experience should also be enjoyable.

[His]

I honestly don't have a plot o.o I've been writing what comes to my mind. I've had books that I've planned out but they always get stopped by something... sometimes someone so I'm kinda just writing for now and going to go back later and add and take out things

[Bob Veres]

Here's the best advice you'll ever get as a writer: keep filling pages. It's a lot easier to go back and edit and revise and make it all make sense than it is to try and do that when there aren't any filled pages.

So you're doing the right thing right now. Keep it up, and then go back and make (more) sense out of it.

It WOULD be an interesting trick, not one I've ever seen before, for her to be living in two realities, and the reader doesn't know which one is the dream and which one is reality--and maybe neither does she, until you feel like resolving it.

[His]

Thanks :).