Understanding usually requires accepted meaning or reference points that are easily communicated. There seems to be more attention here to rhyme than meaning and much of it seems contrived and meaningless without clearly communicating an expression that is not dedicated to the sound of the words. I have never been a fan of rhyme simply for rhyme's sake but believe poetry should express an elevation in communication of common or exceptional values. I had rather the message be clearly communicated without rhyme than with rhyme and without clarity or meaning. These are my thoughts and opinions on the piece but do not reflect the opinions or thoughts of the majority of reviewers here. It is clearly a matter of taste in art. But don't be discouraged. My artistic tastes revolt at that which many renowned critics consider masterpieces.
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
4 Years Ago
Thanks so much! Sorry it has taken a minute to reply! Been away for a while. Thank you, as well... F.. read moreThanks so much! Sorry it has taken a minute to reply! Been away for a while. Thank you, as well... For the real criticism...You are not alone in thinking "understanding" needs defined lines of expressionism... Without clear-cut meaning... Who knows... However, I like to think I have come across a happy medium since my time of writing this... Between meaning and abstract...
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Since I'm a rhyme-aholic myself, always enjoyable to read one of your "rap" sounding pieces. This one seems to be more rhymy than usual, tho, & in one place it even got to be a bit distracting from the meaning: "Rote . . . and I think you might mean "slope" (instead of slop?) . . . " & for the next few lines, the rhyming was a little distracting. But overall, well done & full of playful imagery for the senses.
Your writing style is very original & that's one of the best things to be as a writer.
I usually am quite firm on readers taking what they will from things, yet you ask so nicely, so... .. read moreI usually am quite firm on readers taking what they will from things, yet you ask so nicely, so... I understand the rhyming gets a bit distracting, that is my hope, and yes...
I did in fact mean "Rote slop of gropes in the dark"... "Rote" having a meaning along the lines of "learning something by repetition"...
I figured that we all have had the "slop" of sloppy and shoddy gropes in the dark... Had to learn the hard way, in most cases... So habitual fumbles in the dark can lead to rote slop, heh, at least in my mind it works...
I like leading the reader through a maze of intricate rhyming, and am glad you appreciate it, am also needing to learn how to incorporate it smoother, you are right... Thanks ever so much for the insightful and wise review., means a lot...
6 Years Ago
I thought "slope" only becuz of the sound, not the meaning . . . thanks for explaining!
6 Years Ago
Hmm, yeah it was the original word that popped into my head, can not lie... But I may SLIGHTLY exagg.. read moreHmm, yeah it was the original word that popped into my head, can not lie... But I may SLIGHTLY exaggerate when I say everything is written with abstract in mind... I try to pack as much "personal meaning" into it as I can... Slop felt it fit the theme of "betrayal and s**t", better than slope did... But as a rhyme-ah-holic... I agree with you, heh... Damn the readers for needing concrete meanings... Hah
Once again, your method of wording is superb :) Brilliant...the imagery is outstanding...I particularly like "leap of faith, marmalade-aid and sated breath today." though the first line really has such impact also, I always enjoy reading your poetry :)
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
Thank you so much, Poppy, I have always loved your style, and am blessed to have such appreciation s.. read moreThank you so much, Poppy, I have always loved your style, and am blessed to have such appreciation shown to me...
"I hate her,
and savor another suitor forever suited for her labors
Later, Gator..."
This actually sums up the entire piece, if I'm understanding it right. You have the gift of "poetic" gab, Silente. Why aren't you famous?
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
You DID get it right, spot-on, actually...
I... I do not know... It is not something I seek... read moreYou DID get it right, spot-on, actually...
I... I do not know... It is not something I seek...
Another fast paced, creative and engaging piece of writing, filled with events and emotions to keep the reader engaged!
Well done Silente, keep it up!
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
I do so love my intermingled emotion and events... It does indeed keep people engaged... I hope... T.. read moreI do so love my intermingled emotion and events... It does indeed keep people engaged... I hope... Thank you so much, Mr. Writer...
Your are truly talented once you have a pen and a paper in front of you, or keyboard when it comes to this site lol
Well wrote Silente, this write is just beyond amazement.
Thanks for sharing, always happy to read your words. :)
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
Haha... I can not write without typing to be honest... So def' a keyboard... Thank you, Joey... Mean.. read moreHaha... I can not write without typing to be honest... So def' a keyboard... Thank you, Joey... Means a lot to hear coming from such a wonderful writer such as yourself
6 Years Ago
You are most welcome buddy! and thank you for your comment! :p
You really have a unique way of expression which is very refreshing to read. A maze of pain and betrayal weaving it's way to the grand finale! Great write!
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
You nailed it to the brittle bone, Hebe... A maze of pain and betrayal it is... Thanks so much...