Ch. 11 Frustration

 

 

            It had been a few months since he’d spent time at my place, yet his aura remained. I didn’t hear from him after the first day or two. He was busy. I tried calling. No response. His mailbox was full. Too full for me, how was that even possible? I could still hear his assuring voice in the backseat of the yellow cab. I’ll always be right by your side.

            Six months passed. I woke up one night to the persistent buzzing of my cell phone. Who was it? By the time I reached my dresser, I’d missed the call. Unknown—“Great,” I thought. Someone had possibly tried to prank call and failed. I shuffled back to bed distraught, 2am. I wanted to know who’d call at that hour from a private number. As I sunk under the covers, the buzzing began. This time I rushed to pick up. Maybe one of my friends needed me. I picked up.

Hello?

Hi, is this Rhea?

This is she; who is this? What do you need?

I could hear a familiar male voice in the background…

Baby it’s nothing, just hang up the phone.

My ears had never failed me so I trusted my instinct. It made sense. Why would he call if there was someone else? S**t.

Luc, is that Luc in the background? Who are you? Why are you calling me?

I’m—I wanted to know what you sounded like. I wanted…

            I could only hear a dial tone now. I called his phone. He picked up. Six months, no response, and he picked up after the mysterious phone call. It seemed like something out of a movie. Why was this happening to me? His silence infuriated me.

Who the hell was that?

What are you talking about?

I heard you, Luc. I heard you tell her to hang up…

Rhea, I don’t know what to…

Who the hell is she? And why is she calling me?

Rhea I’m sorry, I think you’re a little confused about…

No, no I’m not confused, I heard you, I…

I couldn’t bear it any longer. End call. The knot in my stomach seemed to paralyze my legs. I didn’t realize I was standing until my legs collapsed beneath me. Tears streamed down my face as I recollected our last moments together. Was it something I did?

            He had a whole different life, me excluded. Was this a new development in his life? Or was she always present? I questioned ever word he’d said to me since the day we met. He was a liar…

tempting

it was the question

in my mind

from day one

who is she?

Despite your continued

Effort to deceive me,

I knew…

The picture, your eagerness,

Your pull-back…

I smile

my superiority remains

indubitably hidden

the game,

yours was over

mine a continuation

from the last unsuspecting victim

laughter creeps into my throat,

permanently as I can no longer

take it seriously

it intrigued me how you

weaved your web of disgraceful deceit, not

realizing the

ingenuity with which you dealt

I have no pity.

Underestimation allots me

The power, I readily grasp

With no intent of release.

 

I wrote quickly without removing my pen from the tear-dripped page of my journal. The hurt did not cease. Who was this girl? I’d never know despite my constant questions. I’d never know as long as he denied that his voice was the one I recognized in the background. I buried myself under the covers of my bed hoping that I would simply disappear. The thought crossed my mind that I might have dreamt the whole thing. I checked the call log in my phone: Luc, Unknown…

 

__________

 

“Stand clear of the closing doors, please.” I quickly slid through the subway doors as they closed. Thoughts of Luc cascaded inside me. I didn’t deserve to be treated like that. How could I ever forgive him? I wanted to beat against his chest while I cried and yelled at him calling him a b*****d, a liar…Chances were that he’d avoid me for the next few months in an effort let it blow over. But I knew my memory wouldn’t fail me. I knew it was he who spoke soothingly to that girl as she forced herself to confront me. I knew I never suspected her existence but I craved the knowledge of how she could possibly discover me.

            Did he mention my name to her? Was I the bar he compared her to? Why’d she need to call me when he shared her bed every night? Was I supposed to fight for him? Should I? I couldn’t wrap my mind around what happened. I would have never guessed that he could be that guy. I needed a dose of Lola. The train finally got Union Square; I shuffled through the crowded car. I spotted her immediately as I stepped onto the platform.

Lola!

Hey girl!

We embraced each other. I hadn’t seen her in a few weeks. Her copper toned curly locks were touching her shoulders now. She lost some inches in her waist. She was glowing. There had to be a new guy.

So what’s his name Lola?

What are you talking about Rhea?

Don’t play dumb, tell me!

Let’s go to that little place in the East Village we love and talk.

I couldn’t wait to hear about her news. Finally something worth celebrating, and Luc had nothing to do with it. We hailed a cab, and took a short drive to BUA’s. They had the best gin and tonics and grilled gruyere sandwiches. What would be her reaction when I told her about Luc?

So do tell. Who is the guy?

Adam.

Adam who? You never mentioned an Adam.

Remember that client who wanted to return…

Wait what? That guy you pissed off?

Yes, that guy who wanted to return used…

Shirts that you refused to let him return!!!

Yea.

How’d you managed to do that?

I couldn’t read her. She took a sip of her gin and tonic, and smiled.

We went out that night, and we really hit it off.

You’re so out of control. And what else?

And he wants me to move to Miami with him in a few months.

Oh my God, are you serious?

I’m not going to unless he proposes; I know it’s only been a few months, but I think he could be the one.

She was serious. Her eyes had a little twinkle in them. I was so happy for her. She was going to be with some big shot lawyer all because she stood up to him when he tried to be slick. I became so engrossed in her good news I almost forgot about the episode with Luc. She noticed a slight change in my mood.

So how are things with you and Luc?

Really?

What’s going on with you guys?

Well he had some girl call me last night.

What the hell? So disrespectful…

I don’t even know what to do because he’s denying the fact.

What? Where does he live; we need to confront him!

I could feel the sting of tears. She became angry.

Why the hell didn’t you tell me you weren’t in contact?

I don’t know.

Rhea, I’m sorry. We’ll get this fixed, I promise.

I felt reassured. Lola had a way of taking control of the situation a lot of the time. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what she had in mind for Luc. I sipped on my gin and tonic and felt better. She was right. He was disrespectful. We chose not be together months before. He hadn’t tried to contact me. Why would he give my information to this girl? Why would he allow her to call my phone? Why’d he even mention my name to her? I liked the idea of a confrontation. Maybe I would meet the mystery woman. Again, the cascading thoughts became unbearable. I was going to be just fine, with or without Luc.

Author's Note

so far so good