Ch. 12, Riverdale

last chapter (i think)

 

 

Babe, wake up.

The sound of his voice made me stir, shifting between slumber and being awake.

Rhea, wake up. We’re home now.

After the accident, Luc decided to drive us home. The glare from the light in the garage finally woke me. He was waiting for me.

I’m so tired. I don’t need to go to the office tomorrow so hopefully I can rest.

Let me help you.

He held me as I tried to step out of our car. I couldn’t touch the ground. He kept me afloat, and kissed my cheek. This was our life. After almost ten years of waiting we finally began our lives together. His feet shuffled as he pretended he might drop me. I winced.

Put me down Luc.

You’re still no fun…

He put me down gently and we went inside. Our home looked disheveled. Mountains of empty cardboard boxes were scattered in the den. I dragged myself to the kitchen for a glass of water.

Did you want some water, Luc?

As I opened the fridge, I could sense him close to me.

Yes…

I jumped. I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest.

Luc, you scared me almost half to death…

Sorry…do you think we can tonight?

Since we got the results from the doctor, his appetite seemed to increase. He seemed to become obsessed with making love to me. He pulled me towards him, kissing my forehead, my nose, my lips, my neck…

            I was paralyzed in his arms. He lifted me and brought me upstairs to our bed. Our coupling lasted a few hours; I worried about the baby.

Didn’t the doctor tell you we could?

Yes, but I felt like maybe you were too…

Really, you’ve never complained before?

I climbed out of our bed towards our bathroom. He followed me, question mark on his face.

Tell me what’s wrong.

Nothing…

Rhea we’re getting married in less than two months, just tell me what’s wrong.

His eyes searched my face for the answer; I looked away. Had I forgiven him for what happened? I held my stomach imagining our child growing inside me—the host. He hovered as I wiped my face with the towel. It seemed unfair to bring up anything inconsequential from our past, so I just kissed him.

Just hormones…

Sure?

I nodded as we walked back to bed. I was pregnant with our child, yet, he still hadn’t answered many of the questions I’d asked. Was I supposed to forget? I could see the love in his eyes. I knew he’d never hurt me knowingly. I loved him.

            I watched him while he slept. He always looked at peace while he slept. Not a care in the world. His hands involuntarily searched for me under the covers. Our fingers interlocked. This was it. I could hear Grams voice ringing in my head: “…Don’t dwell on the past, learn from it. Don’t look to the future, anticipate it. Live for today, and only today, tomorrow’s not promised to you.” After all these years, I finally knew what she meant. Forgiveness was more important for the forgiver more so than the forgiven. I kissed him. His eyes seemed to pop open as a reflex.

Are you okay Rhea.

I’m fantastic.

Oh really?

Yes. I love you so much…

I love you.

He reached over to my side of the bed and pulled me closer to him. I buried my face in his chest, and listened to the rhythm of his heart beat. Our future was our own; I couldn’t wait to meet our baby. He whispered I love you, as he held me in his arms. I remembered the first promise he made to me years before. I’ll always be by your side. This was it. This was the life we created for ourselves. And, it was good.

            As I dozed into my slumber, I felt something trickle down my leg. I climbed out of bed and headed to the bathroom again. As I switched on the light, I could see the blood flowing down my legs. Did I miscarry? He caught me as soon as I began to collapse on the bathroom floor…

            I woke up to the beeping sounds of the machines. I had all kinds of wires attached to me. My eyes searched the room for him. I noticed him slouched in the corner, head in his hands.

Luc…

He jumped up, like he had springs in his legs. Before I blinked he was at my side.

How do you feel?

Is the baby okay?

Babe, how do you feel?

I looked into his eyes searching for the answer to my question. He tried to shield the pain but his eyes told me everything. I tried to pick myself up in bed. He adjusted my pillows in an effort to prop me up. He couldn’t hide his tears. I could see the tear stains on his face, and his eyes welled up with fresh hurting. I could feel the stinging in my own eyes.

            He climbed into bed with me. We held each other and cried ourselves to sleep. Our baby was gone.

__________

 

            After we left the hospital, we didn’t talk about our baby. He insisted we take time off from work, and go away for a couple of months. As much as I wanted to, the idea of spending every waking moment with him, and pretending to not notice the hurt in his eyes was unbearable. We finally finished decorating our home, and contemplated preparing a nursery.

            I remembered my initial view of children, and wondered if I was being punished for my callous statements of regarding motherhood. Did I deserve a child after being so adamant on not wanting any? I blamed myself. I blamed him. Why’d we have to make love so much while I was pregnant? Did that kill the baby? I knew how irrational my questions were. There was no way that he or I could have been the direct cause of my miscarriage. I wanted to call mom and share my burden with her, but she didn’t even know I was pregnant. Luc was right. We needed to get away. We rented a beach house in Miami and left…

            I remember the cool salty breeze blowing into our open windows while we stayed in bed all day holding each other. We whispered sweet nothings and reassurances to each other about the baby. It had only been a month but he wanted to try again.

Maybe we should wait until after the wedding.

Why?

I don’t know I just want to do it right if we get a do over.

I didn’t realize it bothered you.

Oh my God; please stop; I don’t want to fight.

Fine, we’ll see what happens.

I never thought I’d see this day, us in a shared bed, holding and comforting each other. I loved feeling his body heat as it radiated my own body. He held me close; I turned to face him.

Luc…

Yea babe?

Thank you.

For what?

Keeping your promise.

He looked at me and smiled. He knew which promise I meant. I could feel my eyes well up with tears. He wiped my tears with his thumbs, and kissed me. How did we get so blessed? He pulled me closer and I yielded.

Can we?

I told you I want to wait Luc.

No, you know what I mean.

Yes, yes of course.

We were blessed. Our love withstood ten years apart, and was stronger than either of us could ever imagine. Some people are born to practice medicine; others are born to do something much simpler. We were born to love. This was where we belonged; together, embraced and in love.

Author's Note

i'm done