Shadow Darkened Moonlit Gaze

The very first poem I wrote

In my shadow darkened
Moonlit gaze
I feel as though I'm thrust
Through this maze
Not knowing which way to turn
And you know, I honestly yearn
For a shimmering light to
Pierce this haze
And show me the
Proper phrase
That struggles in my mind to unfurl
Like a newborn fern
And ultimately, what I honestly need to learn
Despite finding my way through this confusing maze
It always stays
In my shadow darkened moonlit gaze.

1982

Author's Note

Thought I would try to impress a girl by waxing poetic. I distinctly remember the satisfaction I felt when I was able to turn the end back to the beginning and maintain a rhyme. I thought about cleaning it up, but no. This is my history. It is what it is. A young man trying to get into a girl's pants. Kind of cheesy.

The 'Naked Poet' asks...I showed you mine, wanna show me yours?

Reviews

[JE Falcon]

If I were editing this, I would change only one thing, and that would be for the sake of the flow.
"For a shimmering light to
Pierce this haze"
I would move "to" to the next line
For a shimmering light
to Pierce this haze.
Thanks for the read. :)

[William Michael Reeves]

I wanted to completely rewrite it. But that would defeat the illustration of progression in my 'style'. But you gave me an idea. Rewrite and post together. Hmmmm

[JE Falcon]

I do that occasionally, but only when my wife likes one version and I like the other. I guess it's like chicken soup, it couldn't hurt. :)

[Cherrie Palmer]

That is so great that you still have all your old poetry. I lost mine about 12 years ago when lightning hit my old computer, that's when started storing my writing here.

[William Michael Reeves]

That really hurts to hear that. Hurts like it might have hurt you. I can't even imagine losing them. I read that the site lost everybody's poetry 8 years ago and took steps so it doesn't happen again. Partly why I'm doing this. Another dozen old ones to go. I was really hoping you would be daring enough to share your first. So much for that.

[Cherrie Palmer]

I have been lucky the café hasn't lost any of my work. But I was sad when the storm blew up my computer.

[William Michael Reeves]

Can't believe you didn't have a handwritten book. The perils of our modern age. Lost in an electronic flash.

[Cherrie Palmer]

I do somewhere. I just have to find it.

[Betty Hermelee]

An unclear mind will unfold into a clear mind at which time you will be enthralled by a Goddess of such beauty, your mind will then become sharp and enticing by such exotic fixings.... no more shadows!
Best, B

[William Michael Reeves]

Well put Betty! She was a beautiful goddess of flaming red hair

[Betty Hermelee]

You’re very welcome!

[K writes]

I enjoyed this, I still have my first poem that I write. I may put it on here

[William Michael Reeves]

I was really hoping everybody might enjoy doing that. I know we would all enjoy reading them. Even if just for a day or two. Maybe that could be a contest. Of course the buddy system about editing would be important. I'll watch for yours. Thanks K!

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

it is actually not bad for a very first poem you wrote. It has a deep message that resonates. I think it's good. You can always go back and tweak it some without losing its main point. But I enjoyed reading it.

[John the Baptist]

Nicely rhymed. The haze is outside, the light, inside.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Wonder if it worked...yes, the rhyme turns, as the struggles unfurl and things become clearer.

takes some experience to see the light of love, but we get there.
quite a good poem as a first....my first poem was really, really cheesy and pretty cliché.

[William Michael Reeves]

Thanks. It did work. We spent a few years together and good friends for many more. So you could say it was my most productive poem. Until I managed to make someone cry, and laugh.

I would very much like to read that first poem of yours. Even if you just take it down a day later. I think we all should