Lacuna 2

Lacuna 2

"Waitress, bill please"… 

"Wai r s b ll ple e"…

The words are disappearing in front of my eyes,

Whats the use anymore, 

I can't stop it. 

I remember how beautiful you looked that night, 

In that scarlet red dress,

You were my everything. 

The snow was pilled up on our car, 

I cleared it off with my sleeve as you waited inside..

We told stories as we drove down the street,

You made me laugh.. 

I made you laugh..

You said we were going to be a hour early, 

So we stopped down by the old pond..

I wanted to keep going, 

But you insisted that we had plenty of time. 

Time… time is a funny thing. 

You told me that you use to skate on this pond when you were a kid.

Then you dragged me on the ice so I could see your figure eight. 

I was so happy… 

I'm so sorry… what am I doing? 

I don't want this to be erased,

I want this memory.. 

The words are disappearing in front of my eyes, 

Your face is becoming blurred,

The ice is melting…

Please let me keep this memory…

Please let me kee ………. 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Laura Maidah]

Apostrophe in "What's". Piled? Or pilled? up in the car.... I can't tell the meaning. Both are pretty contrasting; the disparity picks up new denotations that muddle the sentence if you use "pilled".

"Time… time is a funny thing. " is contingent on "I don't want this to be erased,
I want this memory..

The words are disappearing in front of my eyes,
Your face is becoming blurred,
The ice is melting…

Please let me keep this memory…

Please let me kee ………. " Maybe put that line before this portion.

Btw, the phonetic breaks in the stream of dialect/verbal discourse is pretty damn genius. You're g.

[Sean]

Well written, but I just wonder, what exactly happened to the fellow that he asks for that memory to be kept? Is he dying?

[Peaceworker22]

It is sad, but beautiful. So many memories fade with time, but some things you just can't forget. From the worst sins of our pasts, to the most beautiful moments in our lives, those are things that I would never be able to forget. By the way, the part where "she use to skate on the ice" needs to have "used" intstead of used. Beautifully done.

[Dayran]

Our impulses are the drivers to our memories. Where you want to retain something but something else is erasing them, it might mean that you have a passenger who would rather forget. You might want to know who it is so that you can get it together.

[Jordan A. Wilson]

I could see this being narrated over a movie. Props man.

[Pax]

consistent and brilliant used of words.
the disappearing words adds up to the thrill of the poem
that makes it so vivid.
well done

[~LadyWolf~]

Very nice job! Keep it up :)

[Corset]

fantastic, the feel of nostalgia was thick and the blurring of the eyes and letters added to the emotional depth of the memories, I enjoyed reading this as you pulled me into it with you, well done!

[nigrum homonculus]

just when i thought you couldn't do it, you did. again just blew it out of the water completely. the way you portrayed how sad the person was from memory loss is amazing. well done bro. can't wait for number 3

[Olivia Marie]

I absolutely loved it! And It keeps me interested. I find myself feeling the readers emotions. Awesome :)