Lacuna 2

Lacuna 2

"Waitress, bill please"… 

"Wai r s b ll ple e"…

The words are disappearing in front of my eyes,

Whats the use anymore, 

I can't stop it. 

I remember how beautiful you looked that night, 

In that scarlet red dress,

You were my everything. 

The snow was pilled up on our car, 

I cleared it off with my sleeve as you waited inside..

We told stories as we drove down the street,

You made me laugh.. 

I made you laugh..

You said we were going to be a hour early, 

So we stopped down by the old pond..

I wanted to keep going, 

But you insisted that we had plenty of time. 

Time… time is a funny thing. 

You told me that you use to skate on this pond when you were a kid.

Then you dragged me on the ice so I could see your figure eight. 

I was so happy… 

I'm so sorry… what am I doing? 

I don't want this to be erased,

I want this memory.. 

The words are disappearing in front of my eyes, 

Your face is becoming blurred,

The ice is melting…

Please let me keep this memory…

Please let me kee ………. 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Laura Maidah]

Apostrophe in "What's". Piled? Or pilled? up in the car.... I can't tell the meaning. Both are pretty contrasting; the disparity picks up new denotations that muddle the sentence if you use "pilled".

"Time… time is a funny thing. " is contingent on "I don't want this to be erased,
I want this memory..

The words are disappearing in front of my eyes,
Your face is becoming blurred,
The ice is melting…

Please let me keep this memory…

Please let me kee ………. " Maybe put that line before this portion.

Btw, the phonetic breaks in the stream of dialect/verbal discourse is pretty damn genius. You're g.

[The Empty Hour Glass]

I see a few most likely unintended mistakes, but it was a great poem. Thank you for requesting I read this! It made me feel desperate - like time was fading faster than it should. I'm not so certain I can clearly explain what this made me feel. Again - great poem!

[Coyote Poetry]

Some good memories we need to hold on to. I like the situation and the thoughts.
"Please let me keep this memory…
Please let me kee ………. "
Thank you for sharing the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Celestial Witch Child]

This is so beautiful. You perfectly captured the essence of a fading memory of a lost love which you desperately wish to keep. How you manage to constantly keep blowing my mind with each new poem is beyond me. (:

[Fran Scholan]

Such a lovely, yet sad, poem. It's really well written and very vivid. I did find a few minor errors that I'd like to point out to you:
"pilled up on our car," - 'pilled' should be 'piled'.
"to be a hour early," - it should be 'an hour'.
"you use to skate" - add a 'd' to 'use' = 'used'.

Lovely poem. Keep writing.

[Samantha Lynn]

I love this... keep going, please! lol :D

[♪The Girl Next Do..]

My friend...this poem is perfect. You may have some spelling and punctuation errors, but this poem as a whole is just...amazing. I cannot express it through words. The emotion, it's leaking from the words. I feel you. Excellent work.

[Legolas]

Very good write. There is so much emotion. Just a couple mistakes...
1. What's*
2.Piled*
3. After "I want this memory", you only have 2 dots in your ellipsis
Other than that great job

[olla]

I like how you are using this to tell the story in pieces.. yes.. time in a funny thing..

[V.J.C.]

You write very well, I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for another great poem.