A Breath from The Death

A Breath from The Death

A Poem by Billie Hanzen

The Goddes of Coldness blows her cold breath in my face.
It feels like my feet are freezing to death.
What is the meaning of this place?
Why am I here in the first place?
I'm all alone.
The only thing here besides me, is Death breathing down my neck.
The cold gets worse.
I turn around.
And then it ends.

© 2010 Billie Hanzen


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Ok I really like this poem, you convay the feel of it very well. Having said that I think it might be a bit better if - on the line: "The only thing here besides me, is Death breathing down my neck." you took a new line on "Death". It'd give it mre emphasis. Other than that it's an amasing write and I love the last line. =)

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Intense, great job.

Posted 13 Years Ago


this poem gives life to the phrase thing are not as they apper. it is good for knowing that all you have to do it turn aroung and face whats bothering you and you just may fing there was no problem there at all

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

oh this is pretty cool, i love the repeating of the word "place". "what is the meaing of this place? why am i here in the first place?" prolly my favorite lines. good work :]

Posted 13 Years Ago


I really like this it's pulling me in.
Great read and nice work.
Keep on writing and thanks for sharing!
~A Fallen Heroine~

Posted 13 Years Ago


I really like the story this tells, especially the ending. :3 I feel like you began on a very strong note and ended on an even stronger one. The only advice I'd give is that maybe you could elaborate on the middle part. Maybe you could describe how alone you are, what you see? Or what you feel that makes the cold become worse. Just some thoughts. :3
I really like it though~

Posted 13 Years Ago


The repetition makes it strong. Words of truth and raw emotion, it could be extended easily, to delve deeper into the moment and the emotion. As a stand alone poem though, Bravo.

Posted 13 Years Ago


Wow, this was awesome... it was like you had faded to another world while your body suffered slowly in the real world, and you saw it happening to you as you stood beside your body, and then you finally wake back up in the end and die... total awesomeness, man. 100/100 :)

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

love it :) super good

Posted 13 Years Ago


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Lets cut to the chase, You should definitely make this piece longer. You should delve into the Goddess of Coldness, Death, and how you end. Whether it be from a well placed sword or that you simply seize to exist. If you don't take my suggestion and make this piece longer then you should make the ending line more pronounce and viral. Make it a punch in the stomach that leaves me gasping for breath. Once you do that then I believe that this poem will be epic, maybe even so epic as to turn into a short story. Thanks for sharing!
♥E

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

nice

Posted 13 Years Ago



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12 Reviews
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Added on December 31, 2010
Last Updated on December 31, 2010

Author

Billie Hanzen
Billie Hanzen

Odder, Denmark



About
Hi. I'm 17 years old and live in Denmark. I've been writing music, poems and stories for several years now. I play guitar in the screamo/metal band LaVey, and I also sing and play guitar in the punk.. more..

Writing
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A Poem by Billie Hanzen



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