Normal morning...

Normal morning...

A Chapter by Some Random Person.
"

Elizabeth wakes up for a new day just as she normally starts off...

"
I woke with a start, thanks to my alarm on my new phone that I got yesterday. Stretching, and with very blurry vision, I tried to find my glasses and put them on. Today was a new day. Bright and glorious, I shed my nightclothes and put on my school uniform.
Grabing my phone and jacket, I ran downstairs with my dog, Ruby. Ruby was the best dog ever. She was an Austrailian Shepherd, blue mural in color. She had fatastic, glittering golden brown eyes. She was a girl's best friend, and the best dog I have ever asked for. 
I went straight to the kitchen and made my daily school lunch- Hot Pockets. My favorite flavor was the Meatballs and Mottzerella. I was making my drink when my cell phone rang, loud and sudden, startling me to fully awake. Isn't it funny how a loud, unexpected thing can spring you wide awake in less than 6 seconds? 
I checked the caller ID, and it said Alex. Alex is my best friend, and I always pick her and one of her little brothers up and takes them to school. Alex has a lot of siblings, too many to count.

"What's up Sha-Sha?" Sha-Sha was her nickname a bunch of kids in our classes gave her. I  eventually joined in, and started calling her by that nickname.
"Hey, Turkey! When are you coming, Crazier?" Turkey and Crazier were nicknames she came up with for me. I didn't exactly like them, but I don't imagine why she'd like Sha-Sha, so it figures.
"Fly, I'm making lunch." The microwave interrupts me beeping, telling me that my Pocket is ready. "I'll call you when I'm in the car, okay, Shah?" Fly was a nickname I called her. 
She told me to call her to tell her that I was on her way, then we hung up. I went to the microwave and got my pockets out and wrapped one of them with foil to keep it warmer.
After that, I got in my car and started to drive. I am a sophomore, so I can drive. I also had a car, which Alex didn't. She has a permit, but doesn't have a car to use. That's why I pick her up.
I text her because I didn't feel like calling. Don't worry, I was at a stoplight. I turned the radio on, and put it on my favorite station (107.5) and started singing along to the songs I knew the words to, and before I knew it, I reached Ayesha's and had to lower the volume. She and her little brother came in.


© 2011 Some Random Person.


Author's Note

Some Random Person.
Not done, but it's just a biginning. Hope you enjoy it. Please feel free to tell me of any boringness or grammar/spelling mistakes.
What do you think of the story so far?
What should/could happen next?
Do you like Alex so far?
Should I start adding her little brother's name in here, or keep him mysterious?

My Review

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Reviews

kinda boring i will agree to, no offense. and U give us info we don''t need to know like, that ayesha doesn't have her lisense. We know since sha has to pick her up. U should go ahead and put her brother's name in it.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like the beginning. The way it starts in the middle and give background as you go is great. The characters are are interesting and I think you need to add in the brother's name just to be able to show more background to Ayesha's family.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Not a boring chapter. Just create history for the reader in the chapter. Always good to add a bite of the story to keep the reading guesting and wanting more story. A very good start. I look forward to see where you are taking the story.
Coyote

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

I like it. It's a good start. However, it's in my nature to help with criticism. "with my new alarms on my new phone" seems a little redundant. I would just go with "with the alarm on my new phone," or "with an unfamiliar alarm blaring from the phone I bought (enter time frame)" The word shed is already past tense and doesn't need the "-ed" ending. You accidentally made "SHe" As for spelling mistakes "grabbing my phone and jacket," "Straight to the kitchen" "interrupts" "sense" not "since," and "text" is already past tense as well. However if you are going to go with a more culturally adapt sense of writing, like an inner monologue, you would be able to say texted because a lot of people say it.

Also be careful about commas. Usually when you conjunct a sentence with and, it doesn't need a comma in front of the word "and." Also you are capitalizing improper nouns like "sophomore" and "caller ID." I would also work on the nickname bit, it seems a little overbearing to use them all in a quick succession like that. I would space them apart a bit like throughout chapters. Sorry I'm a little harsh, but as a writer I know that while we hate people taking apart our work, we all need it because we have a blind spot to it. All in all, it's really good. I would also type things into Word first so you don't make little grammatical and spelling mistakes.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.


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Added on March 1, 2011
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Some Random Person.
Some Random Person.

Ravenclaw House, The Library, Messaline, Midnight, colonizing the New Earth, TX



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So if all of ya'll will help me pay for college, that'd be great... http://www.gofundme.com/jhx73o For all you Doctor Who obsessing people... Don't say I hate you. But I do hate those Dale.. more..

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