Before Metaphors

Before the metaphors and metal forged I sat ignored and lonesome

 alone and broken...

 Groanin' in an ocean of token defeat

 rote motions

 dead-feet

 my feats retreat...

 Bleeding dreams and fleeced sheep

 eaten lacking wheat

 a sheath for elite-meat-treats and bleep-heaps...

 Driven deeper-steeper

 hear her cry when satellites fly...

 I sit outside and mind my own business...

 But in this bees nest I'm best before checks in reality

 I'm a liability for the masks of sentimental sentinels brandishing fundamental finality on the mantle of rivalry...

Sodden grease and I follow-she

 all ah-me

 and I'm falling-free... 

Solemn freeze

 and I'm free-falling asleep... 

Reviews

[emmajoygreen]

You certainly shuffle your thoughts, sir.. and yet, somehow in shuffling, create a cascade of liquid gold. I hesitate to read back and back to when first written, and will sit still to keep my own promise but feel that there will be many different observation about the meaning of this or that. Your meter had me reading louder and louder til I'm tempted to say, the walls rocked but.. Obviously the words are laid at someone else's feet,

' I sit outside and mind my own business...
But in this bees nest I'm best before checks in reality
I'm a liability for the masks of sentimental sentinels brandishing fundamental finality on the mantle of rivalry...
Sodden grease and I follow-she.. '

onwards into space, dark and light, dancing through time to your own heartbeat but wrapped- within someone else's reflection. Need read this again

[Chase Dylan]

Thanks very much, Emma Green.
It would certainly not be too much to state the rocking of walls that transpired upon reading.
I am, after all...
Dylan, the Shaker of Walls

[Kesha]

Bleeding dreams and fleeced sheep...absolutely loved that line!! This is sick and has a great rhythm and flow to it..

[Chase Dylan]

D'aw, thanks, Kesha... Means a lot coming from such a snazzy horror writer...!

[Kesha]

You are very welcome & thanks :)

[A little flame]

Excellent rythm in this one. I loved the ending, especially.

[Chase Dylan]

Thanks so much, Little Flame, it means a lot coming from a writer like yourself...

[A little flame]

You are most welcome! That comment just made my day.

[Suzanna]

I love where this begins, but I get lost within the need for rhyme. "my feats retreat," "eaten lacking wheat" ... Huh? Is there a central theme?

[Chase Dylan]

Usually not much of what most would call a "central theme" in my poems, I mean... Maybe a few of them... But in most instances... I focus much more on flow landscape and syllable shape... But 99 percent of the time, I usually have a semblance of a feeling for what is being free-styled... Thank you so much for appreciating the start... That was my favorite part!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

metaphors are a way for us as poets to tell a story within a story...to mask the reality in a sense...it's still a way for us to get out emotions and sit by the side, uninvolved, so to speak.

this has a solemn but true flow with the in rhyme...rhythm that seems to fall towards the end of the poem with perfect momentum.
j.

[Chase Dylan]

Another wonderful way of saying the thoughts that run behind the background of frame... You have a way of phrasing things, Jacob.... Thank you very much... That is why abstract is my favorite, it tends to not leave the writer very vulnerable, but the most vulnerable, at the same time...

[Jes' Pi]

My reviews are never long, so will review your poem with just a word: "beautiful".

[Chase Dylan]

I appreciate the weight of simplicity... Thank you, Pi...

[Rubein Geterminah]

Metaphor..... the speaker is seen in a state of destitute, pondering over emotions of regrets for experiences of the past; for which she feels she can liberty from by thinking.

[Chase Dylan]

An excellent and well articulated sense on this one, Rubein... Thank you...

[Allen Smuckler]

Before I fell a sleep... and still before thought... I just loved the way each word slithered off my tongue and through my lips...your combination and use of(often in the same word), alliteration, consonance and assonance, riddled this poem with excitement and anticipation. The sounds were musical and triggered various emotions. it was playful, distinctive and witty. Terrific write, Silente.

[Chase Dylan]

Oh, wow, Allen... I had no idea what "consonance" or "assonance" was before you said this... Thank you for the lesson, hah, and thank you even more for appreciating this so much... This review was distinctly witty and triggered quite the smattering of pride from me... Terrific insight, and musically inclined, I always am... Thank a third time, Allen...

[Allen Smuckler]

You're welcome Silente ... just keep on keeping on...

[Chase Dylan]

I shall try, you as well, hah

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Awesome! Driving rhythm kidnaps you and moves you through the reading of this poem....I hear the bass line and percussive breaks...mad rhyme and imagery- " Bleeding dreams and fleeced sheep. Harsh reality hits-." but in this bees nest I'm best before checks in reality"-Yes! Life changes us for better or worse. It is what it is.....Love this!

[Chase Dylan]

Even more awesome, your kind words, Annette... I can feel the flow of the compliments like breaks of ocean on sand... Yes, yes it does change us... Thanks very much for stopping in, loved it...!

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Good Morning! Love your work so much and would love to hear it spoken or sung ....??? Just sayin'....:)

[Chase Dylan]

Good morning...! I am so happy to hear I have a fan... I DO actually spit most of what I write... But as for hearing it... That would probably require some money sunk into recording equipment... Sorry, but if it makes you feel better... I would love the same...!

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

I am a FAN!!! Keep writing, the world needs to hear your voice. I know, the music business is hard and heartless. I was in it once in the 80s (Whaaaat?!), wrote for Cyndi Lauper, New Kids on the Block & some others. Cut a record and had had a song performed at the Apollo Theatre. But the financial and energy price was too high.A few regrets, but too few to mention....Glad I got out!

[Chase Dylan]

Annette, you have such inspiring words...I do not have a very good voice... But my hope is that maybe someday... Somebody will use my lyrics... It is a small dream, but perhaps... That is amazing, you did all that... Regrets shape us, they do not define us, hah...

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

So true!....."Dream on! dream on! Dream until your dreams... come true!!" As someone once sang!

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

So true!....."Dream on! dream on! Dream until your dreams... come true!!" As someone once sang!

[Surya]

Free fallen asleep....I liked it...whole scenario was good...:)

[Chase Dylan]

I appreciate that, Surya... Thanks very much...!

[Einstein Noodle]

hooked by the title ...i feel for the narrator before abilities satisfied the expressions of life's experiences .. for me there is a bit of turn at these lines:
"Driven deeper-steeper
hear her cry when satellites fly..."
and your "poet" has found inspiration as to when to pick the pen up and write " But in this bees nest I'm best before checks in reality" ... i have to smile ...checks in reality can be so cumbersome eh!? i enjoyed the rap quality and rapid fire words with similar sounding ... and bits of word play ..clever and tweeks my mind ... an eternal optimist i love the free fallin' closing ..and as a napoholic as well ..greatly appreciate fallin' is into sleep ;)))
E.

[Chase Dylan]

Superb eye, Einstein... Could not have summed it up myself... Your take is brilliantly on point... Yes, checks in reality can be a harsh additive to a smooth mix... I friggin' love naps... Thank you very much for reviewing, and stay optimistic...!

[Einstein Noodle]

will do :).....................