Chapter XIV

Rafe reaches the checkpoint alone and awaits Rose's arrival. And then receives a daunting message from Rathbull...

Chapter XIV

Burnt Rubble

 

“Everybody, lift your head. Stop fronting.

You’re just a puppet.”

-      Puppet by Thousand Foot Crutch   

 

I was going to kill her if she didn’t keep that promise.

     Taking off at a sprint, I refused to allow myself to look back after I left Rose alone in the top of the tower. My muscles were difficult to move for the first few minutes, as if they were fighting me and trying to go back despite what I knew I had to do �" something in me kept hesitating and slowing down at corners. My brain kept waiting for her to pop up behind me smiling, with the job done and her safe beside me. I knew if I went back, I’d only want to go back and drag her out along with me. I’d just passed the alcove we’d hidden in when I heard the booming roar far above my head. I took a moment to pause, looking back despite the amount of servants and prisoners rushing everywhere around me. The flow of people was almost overwhelming, shoving me around a bit as I kept trying to focus on each face that I could, trying to spot Rose somewhere in the mess. I kept hoping, waiting to see her. I considered waiting by this alcove �" knowing this would be the only path she’d know to take to get out �" to wait for her.

     She was putting her trust in me, however, to trust her judgment.  Despite every voice in my head, I had to keep going. She’d probably be furious if she did catch up and I was waiting here for her. I kept moving despite the voice in my chest that kept screaming at me to go back. My gut did not like the idea of leaving her behind. I couldn’t place what it was that didn’t like it, but I chalked it up to not liking her being on her own in general.

     “Damn it,” I muttered to myself, dodging around a group of frantic people shoving and pushing. “When did I start caring about her?” I swore as I ran out into the courtyard to find arrows flying all over the place, watching bodies hit the ground and blood spurt into the air. Apparently, the archers still had time to be killing escapees even with the base coming down. Figures, they’d find some way to shed even more blood. I took a second to look up, seeing the top of the tower engulfed in raging flames that were slowly crawling downward. Debris would occasionally fall from the top of the tower, pieces of the tower falling and crushing anyone unlucky enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

     “Caring about her wasn’t part of the damn plan,” I ranted on under my breath. No one was listening and there was no one who could have possibly heard in the mass of confusion and screaming, but I kept ranting anyway. “I was supposed to help her get away and then part ways with her a month ago, but oh no, I couldn’t keep to the damn plan. I just had to keep finding reasons to stick around, to get closer to her. I even tried to- Damn it, it was all so stupid!” I ran out of the gate, wincing as an arrow ripped through the top of my shoulder. It didn’t stick me, but it did cut me. The adrenaline high I was running on kept the pain from bothering me and I was able to keep moving without any terrible amount of difficulty. Another grazed my cheek not moments later but I kept running, not even checking to see if any of the men were around me. My job was to get myself to the check point alive and in one piece; not worry about everyone else.

     I leaped into the bushes, narrowly avoiding a barrage of arrows that had been about to rain on my head. Out of sight, I kept running as fast as I could push my legs to move. The check point was at least a full five miles from the base, just to give everyone involved plenty of space to lose any followers and to be sure that it wouldn’t be easily or quickly found if the base dispatched scouts to find the men who just burned their lovely little barrack.

It only occurred to me, though, three miles into the run that Rose might not be extremely long-winded. I only hoped that the past two weeks of drills (during which I made her run for insanely long periods) would help her keep the fifteen minute promise. I knew she’d be able to keep the first two and a half miles alright, but I had my doubts about the last two and a half.

     I amended not to freak out for an extra five minutes, just in case.

     “Such a f*****g idiot,” I swore, still sprinting and ranting even though I should have probably been saving the breath for my running. “She’s a stranger. What do you know about her? Nothing, you moron! You know nothing.” Sighing as I stopped briefly to check for followers, I sighed and admitted the truth sullenly to the air. “Not that I care.”

     Only Spike, John, and two others had made it by the time I reached the check point. Admittedly, they were part of the team that didn’t need to stay that long to get this job done. I guessed that they had actually been there waiting on us for some time, judging by the very bored expressions they all wore. The check point was a clearing filled with packs of rocks. A few were taller than a full grown man, but the clusters made a good place to rest. I liked rock clusters like this; they also made great places to set up for ambushes. I sat on one large rock to settle in and wait, and I took the canteen offered to me by one of the three young girls who had waited here with a couple of armed men from the Hollow. They were here just to have water and food ready for us when we got here.

     Some time later, I sat up a bit to drain the last of my water, hoping they had enough to be passing out seconds. I was still thirsty. After I emptied my canteen, I gently grabbed a girl by the sleeve and asked her, “How long since I got here?”

     “Half an hour,” she answered after a quick glance at her pocket watch. She went on making sure the men were tended for.

It took a few moments for my brain to click into gear and realize what that meant, but then I realized it; she was ten minutes over due. Swearing, I shot off my feet and started to take off into the woods, ignoring the concerned calls of the men. I skidded to a stop as Rose came out of the woods, panting heavily and sweating. She smiled at me weakly, saying, “Sorry to be late; I was being followed.” Just in the way she smiled, I felt like something was wrong, though immediately, I couldn’t see what would be the problem. She appeared fine, other than being out of breath and exhausted.

“Did you shake them?” Spike asked.

     “Yes,” she said. “That’s what took me the extra fifteen minutes.” A bit guiltily, she added, “I didn’t want to have to kill them, but it seems what I wanted wasn’t of concern.” She said this slowly moving toward a cluster of rocks to sit down by.

     “Where’s your bow?” John had asked that.

     “Um,” she began, “I didn’t have the heart to pull out of the throat of the soldier I stuck it in.” Pausing she amended, “Actually, I just didn’t have the energy. I liked that bow.”

     She moved slowly, hesitantly, I noticed. Rose had moved toward a cluster of rocks and very carefully, almost cautiously, lowered herself down to sit and I saw her arms shaking under the effort of not moving too fast. My attention was deterred by a man coming into the clearing, looking a bit pale as he said to his friend who was running with him, “I understand your point, but how the hell would anyone blow his head clean off like that? There was nothing but a stump!”

     All eyes turned to Rose. Her hair was disheveled, her clothes were dirty and a little torn in places, and she looked ready to settle in and not move again for three weeks. She sipped at her canteen a bit, though, and said, “That was after I shot my last arrow and rammed my bow in the man’s throat, okay? I either blow his head off with a spell or be raped and murdered.”

     “What spell?” One of the girls, looking white-faced and scared, had asked her with hesitant voice. The girls seemed to be fearful of being too close to Rose, as if she had some contagious disease from being a magic user. I didn’t know if it was my exhaustion or that it actually bothered me, but watching them be scared of her just pissed me off.

     “You really don’t want to know,” Rose said almost casually, downing a bit more of her water. It’s when she lifted the canteen that I saw the slash of blood bleeding through the wrist of her tunic.

     “Rose,” I barked. She jumped and looked at me tiredly; her movements were sluggish and lazy, as if every sudden noise took a moment to translate in her brain for her to react properly. “What’s with the cut on your wrist? That wasn’t there before.”

     She’d looked at me with wide eyes for a moment but then I spoke and she relaxed again. Alarm gone, she turned back to her canteen. “Spells like that don’t come free, Rafe; they all require some blood. One of the men cut my wrist in a scuffle and I figured that while the blood was flowing… might as well use it.”

     I moved toward her, snapping my fingers impatiently at one of the girls as I said, “Go on, I need some bandages.” I didn’t mean to snap at her but after my night, my patience was thin. I was handed a small box with a kit inside and I went about cleaning up Rose’s wrist.

     Rose looked almost delirious. “I feel light headed,” she said.

     “How much blood have you lost?”

     “From my arm,” she said in a questioning voice, even as she giggled. “Not that much, but I feel giddy.”

     I started to chuckle, thinking of the first time I’d ever lost enough blood to start getting giddy about everything, but the way she’d almost asked about her arm worried me. My eyes slowly moved back to hers as I demanded, “Rose, what did you mean by that? Where else have you lost blood, if not only from your arm?”

     She seemed to have to think about it before brutally pushing her hand against her stomach, almost like she didn’t have enough control over her body to do it gently or lightly, crying out in pain for the action almost immediately. Tears fell down her cheeks even as she said smiling very weakly, “I’ve lost quite a bit there.” The place she’d pushed against started to soak with blood in a line across her stomach. “How much do you want to bet that my shift is plastered to my skin right about now?”

     “Damn it,” I said violently. “I need help over here!”

     Rose grabbed my hand and tugged, as if she wanted me to come closer. I leaned in closer to her as Spike and John headed over to help me. She held my eyes as she said, suddenly sober, “Rathbull said to tell you… He sends his regards to Black Manor.”

     As a couple of girls came over to start working on the gash in Rose’s stomach, my own felt like someone had dropped a bucket of ice directly down my throat and into my gut. It was a heavy almost painful weight that only seemed to get heavier as the night wore on.

 

     Only after discovering that Rose would be fine after a couple days rest, I sent a message home by owl. I figured that it shouldn’t have taken more than two days to get there, but by the end of the week, I had gotten no reply. I hadn’t even said much to reply to: “Urgent �" Reply as soon as possible.”Normally, that would have brought on an immediate response from at least Derek or Durza. Beth, even, if she saw the message. I didn’t expect Ana would care about anything I sent home at this point, but thinking about her hurt, so I avoided it. My thoughts whirled between wondering when Rose would finally wake up and when I’d finally get a reply from someone back at the manor.

     Rathbull sends his regards to Black Manor.

     That sentence alone had felt like a dead icy weight. What did it mean? I didn’t know. The more questions it brought up and less answers I could find, the colder that weight got in the pit of my stomach. I could hardly eat or sleep. I’d roll over and wake up, then roll over again and fall back to sleep. Food all looked unappetizing even if I hadn’t eaten for hours �" even a day or two. Whatever the phrase meant, I didn’t know. I only knew that it made me feel, for the first time in a long time, very terrified of what might be coming. My entire body had been numb for hours and I couldn’t think clearly, even after all the hours I spent hopped up on adrenaline. I tried to read a book or go for a run but both resulted in the same end. I’d slowly stopped paying attention, stopped reading and stopped moving, and just sat there. I just… I stood, thinking, for hours.

     Thinking was the last thing I needed to be doing right now.

     Eventually, after Day Four of Week Two, I snapped. I had been out in hidden fields with a bunch of the men, beating up one of the makeshift dummies used for solo-training. Out of nowhere, I had gotten so angry that I just… went ballistic. I broke off the fake limbs, punched its head clean off, and ripped the padding to shreds. Men stood and watched as I completely lost my head. It took four of them to pull me off the destroyed mannequin and calm me down entirely or at least remotely. I’d stood there, panting heavily and bathed in my own sweat. Men who had gone into the Barrack with me, who had watched me calmly cut through the men on the ambush… They watched me then, unable to speak.

     I’d packed up my belongings the same evening. I’d been staying at this point to see how the Barrack would react �" and as expected, they stopped bullying Meir, having no time with their base burned down. An entirely new division came in to supervise from a practically archaic fort six miles from town. Meir was no longer under any kind of peril.

     As I’d headed for the lifts, John had stopped me. Grabbing my arm and looking me in the eye, he’d asked me calmly but firmly, “What do you plan to do about Rose? Do you honestly intend to leave the girl here? She came with you.”

     For a long moment, I debated rethinking taking off to check on my home but I couldn’t. I knew that Rose would likely be furious at me and might never speak to me again, but a part of my brain amended that the chances of me ever seeing her again were slim to none anyway. That didn’t make it okay, but that did make me less worried about how she’d react to me up and leaving like this. She didn’t need me to take care of her �"I knew that now. I only hoped that she did too, because I couldn’t stick around anymore. I was going mad.

I’d looked at John, put a hand on his shoulder and told him, “I’m sorry. I know that I was supposed to keep training her in hand to hand but I can’t anymore. Something’s wrong at home and I have to go… We knew this was coming. She doesn’t need me around. Tell her that.”

     Not for the first time in my life, I’d left without another word and without another glance backward.

 

     I hated that I had no horse to speed my advance. I hated that I couldn’t run all day and night because my legs refused to put that kind of effort forth. I hated that I ended up walking, without sleep, for two and a half straight days. Sleeping wasn’t an option. I tried. I stopped to sleep at least three times but every time, I would only lie there awake and wonder what Rathbull had meant. I wondered how he had met Rose. I thought about how he’d known I’d been there the other night. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I even worried about what it would mean for Rathbull to know that Rose was a friend to me.

     The walking was the worst. I spent it thinking. By the time I got close to home, I’d come to hate thinking �" or just random thought. I wanted to bash my head into walls so I’d stop.

     Along the lines of my walk, I managed to think of positive things. My mind focused on the lush green grass that surrounded the Manor. I thought about the smell of freshly cooked bacon and sausages, accompanied by pancakes and steaming coffee with milk and a small block of chocolate melted into the brew. Evenings with roasted beef and buttered biscuits, long days in the back yard, watching the young servants chase the dogs, running from Ana as she chased me and Derek playing tag, hiding all over the damn Manor on Saturday afternoons to irritate Durza, doing the obstacle course in the west courtyard, days in the nursery when Ana was a girl as the nanny read stories, parties I didn’t understand the purpose of spent throwing raisins at guests with Derek and Ana, balls danced away with pretty girls all filled my mind. I could even see the halls around me, covered in large portraits and paintings, weapons too aged to use but too valuable to get rid of and animal heads caught and killed by past Lords of Black Manor. There was always a certain tinkle of laughter in the house, too. That house was filled with a surprising amount of love considering the stone-faced man who ran it.

The servants all had a child or two and you could hear the serving girls giggling as they went about their chores. The stable lads would play and the sound of their hollers would ring through the valley Black Manor resided in. I could hear Ana squeal when Derek and I would chase her down to tickle her into tears. Durza’s call when it was getting dark out and bedtime was drawing near filled my ears. I could feel Beth’s arms around me when I cried after breaking my arm when I was eleven. The warmth of the fire at night seemed so real on my face at that moment, thinking about being curled up on the couch with Beth when I was sick. The sound of Ana playing the piano, such a light and pretty sound, swelled in my chest.

Thinking so much about home, I found that I’d slowed in my pace and I was smiling. Memories of being back home had somehow quelled all the anger and worry in my mind. I felt peaceful and sleepy. I looked up at the clouds in the sky, deciding I wouldn’t get rained on if I went ahead and took a nap. I put my pallet out and lie down to sleep, closing my eyes immediately.

My dreams were much the same as my thoughts. I relived dozens of memories of being a child in the Black Manor. I remembered countless afternoons with Durza, evenings with the family, Saturdays with my foster siblings, nights on the roof with Derek, and other things that all made me fall deeper and deeper into my peaceful coma-sleep.

I slept all night and then all day, because it was evening again when I finally opened my eyes and looked at the sky. I could see the light of the sun fading from the horizon in front of me, and still thinking about home to keep my spirits up, I went back to walking. I wasn’t far now, only another mile and then over the hill. As I came to that hill, I could only think of all the things I was going to do when I got in the house. First, I was going to hug Bethany and kiss Ana on the head. I’d clap Derek on the back and I’d even hug Durza. Then I was going to ask the girls in the kitchen to make lots of hot cocoa and sit with my foster-siblings by the fire �" just to talk. The hill was in front of me, just a few feet away. Unable to help it, I started running.

What I saw over the hill could not be described in simple words. The sheer sight of it ripped my heart out and smothered the broken pieces. My chest felt like it was being sat on by fifty men. My lungs froze up and my heart stopped for a full beat. I dropped my knapsack, my fingers no longer willing to keep a grip on the straps. Everything felt cold and numb all at once. Nothing made sense and I couldn’t move. Helplessly, I fell to my knees looking down into the valley at what my mind couldn’t yet process or accept. I wanted to scream but no words came out. I wanted to cry but my eyes were so busy trying to take this in that I didn’t cry a single tear. My mouth fell open and I kept trying to force some kind of noise �" some kind of release from the pain that constricted around my heart where everything else was numb �" but nothing came. There was no release. There was no warmth. There was no way to make the ringing in my ears stop and no way to make breathing any easier. My chest still roared inside as every happy feeling seemed to die slowly, and painfully. There was no escape from the agony. I didn’t see anything, not really.

I only saw the burnt rubble where there should have been a manor.

Author's Note

- replaced with " cause cafe is teh lamez. -- Fourteen. One more and then I've got nothing new for you guys.