Chapter XVI

Rafe and Rose come across a couple of children - who happen to be carrying something potentially important. Meanwhile, Rafe wars on in his head over an innocent question asked by a little girl.

Chapter XVI

Scrolls & A Sailor Mouth

 

“I said I’d never let you go, and I never did.

I said I’d never let you fall, and I always meant it.”

-      Have Faith in Me by A Day to Remember   

 

We left the cave two days later.

     Rose didn’t act outwardly different, but she seemed to smile a bit easier and stuck just a bit closer. The last night we spent in the cave, she had been staying up, telling me that she couldn’t sleep because she couldn’t get warm. I’d offered her my blanket and instead, she crawled over (with her blanket) and curled against me. She put her head on my chest and scooted in close to my body. Before relaxing entirely, she’d looked up at me with big timid eyes and asked, “Do you mind? You’re terribly warm.”

     Having her close made me smile, and I’d merely dropped a kiss on her head and wrapped an arm around her. Even if I had minded, seeing that look in her eyes alone would have made it okay. I didn’t tell her, positive she’d punch me like a man for it, but it was probably the most adorable expression I’d ever seen her make.

     She’d fallen asleep on my chest, completely content.

     That morning, my entire right half was partially numb and I was moving slowly from the tingling pain. She noticed and apologized, face red and eyes wide. I couldn’t even act like I was mad, even though I had been upon waking. My body was stiff and numb while she’d slept like a baby… but I wasn’t even the slightest bit annoyed. I sighed and shrugged, giving her a reassuring if tired smile. “Don’t worry about it,” I’d said.

     I noticed that while I was cleaning the only pair of cups and plates we had to pack them, she went ahead and made pot of coffee. When I walked back over to put the dishes away, she had a mug (which I hadn’t known she had) filled to the brim with hot coffee. It was good coffee, too.

     There was a surprisingly large amount of silence despite the conversation we’d had two nights ago. I somehow expected things to suddenly become more… affectionate or something. She acted mostly the same. She was a little less shy about sticking close to me and grabbed my hand instantly when she stumbled or tripped. I would steady her, she’d smile, give my hand a squeeze, and then let go.

     Moving uphill, I easily moved forward, my long legs carrying me faster than most people. I heard a yelp from behind me and turned to see Rose wobbling. Understandably, we were walking over a fairly thick covering of dead branches, vines, and bushes. It was the fastest and safest way to get through the valleys without being seen. She was paranoid of the area, though she wouldn’t admit it. I could tell that she was afraid of her pursuers being around.

     I went back, grabbing her arm firmly and almost lifting her off her feet to pull her free of a tangle of branches. Blushing furiously, she mumbled a thank you and I calmly commented, “No wonder those men kept finding you before, Rose. You never take side-paths. You stuck to the main roads, am I right?” She nodded. “That’s your problem.”

     “I’m not a forest-woman, Rafe. I grew up on a damn beach,” she argued, grinning despite herself. Seeing that she wasn’t going to be able to untangle herself, I lifted her clean off her feet and carried her bridal-style up the rest of the hill. When I set her down, she skittered a bit away, as if a bit afraid of the closeness suddenly. Seeing that I’d noticed, she muttered, “I’m sorry.”

“If you don’t want me to touch you, just say so,” I managed calmly, though I was a bit offended.

She shook her head, stepping back toward me. “That’s not it,” she said very firmly. “That’s not it at all, Rafe. It’s not even close.” I let her go on by keeping my silence. She bit her lip but then said, “I’m just skittish sometimes, is all. I don’t mean to be… It’s just something that happened when I was younger.”

I cut her off, signaling silence when I heard a branch snap. In an under tone, I asked, “How did you keep yourself hidden during the raid back at the Hollow?”

“I used this thing called glamour,” she replied in a similarly low voice.

 

         “Do it now, Rose,” I ordered.

 

         “What? Why?”

 

         “Do it.” Just like that, she disappeared before my eyes. I could sense that she was still close and muttered, “Hide high for a little bit, alright? Don’t come down until I tell you.” I couldn’t see any reason to think she’d listened but suddenly her breath was in my ear.

          “Be careful,” she whispered. I felt the warmth of a body I couldn’t see and the soft brush of lips against my cheek. “I’ll cover you from the trees.” She gave my hand a quick squeeze and then I heard her retreating steps as she headed for the trees.

 

         Hands ready on the hilts of my swords, I looked around at the wood line, trying to get a bead on what or who was watching me. I heard another twig snap and whirled to look at the bush to my left. Firmly, I ordered, “Come out with your hands in plain sight.” I didn’t get any response within a full thirty seconds, so I pulled a knife from my belt and said, “Come out with your hands where I can see them or I’ll throw it. I don’t miss.”

 

         Immediately, a boy came out looking scared out of his mind. I put the knife up but kept one hand on a hilt as I asked, “What are you doing, lad? You know, sneaking about is going to get you killed if you keep getting caught.”

          Shaking visibly, he said, “I was given this scroll and told not to let a single soul see me. If he finds out that I failed, he’ll kill me and my sister.” At the mentioning of this sister, a little girl no older than thirteen crawled out of the bush. Rose had ignored my order to stay hidden and came out at the sight of children; I’d noticed at the Hollow that she had a soft spot for children.

 

         The girl was older, as the boy looked about ten. She reached into her skirt pocket and produced a scroll, saying, “Take the damn thing.” The boy started to balk but she cut him off, “Tommy, if we give it to these people, they can do whatever they want with it. I don’t care what that man threatened. We’re two kids in the biggest country of the world. He’ll never really be able to find us.” The girl held out the scroll and Rose hesitantly took it from her, handing it to me. I looked at the scroll and all amusement at this faded.

          “Who gave you this scroll?” The girl didn’t seem scared by my sudden change in mood but the boy did.

          “He said to call him Lord Rathbull. I’d rather call him Rat-S**t. He took us up off the street and refused to feed us for days until we agreed to go on a little messenger trip for him,” she spat. “I asked a dozen times what made it so impossible to just send a few of his men! Apparently, children are less suspicious.”

          Rose put a hand on my arm and murmured, “Peace, Rafe.” She crouched in front of the children, touching the girl gingerly on the cheek as she said, “Have either of you had a decent meal recently?”

          The girl, holding the hand of her little brother, shook her head and said calmly, “Not in two days, ma’am. We had some berries and a couple of apples, but that was all we could find…”

          Rose, being the woman she was, smiled tenderly and picked up the little boy. She set him on her hip and looked at me, saying, “We need to get them something to eat.” I started to object until she smiled very sweetly at me and insisted, “We should camp here for the night and I should go hunting for dinner, comrade. These two can help you set up camp.”

          Twenty minutes later, she’d sent the kids off to get some wood for a fire. The second they were out of the earshot, I turned to her and argued, “We are not lugging kids around, Rose.”

          Fierce, she growled, “I will not allow you to leave two defenseless children out here in the middle of the woods.” She was a little scary the way she stood in my face and ordered, “I’m going to grab my bow and get us something to eat. You stay here with the children until I get back.”

          Wanting to argue the point, I suggested, “Why don’t I go? I can take your bow, and you can stay here? I mean, there might be highwaymen out there.”

          I was honestly concerned, and she could see that, but she didn’t relent on the idea. “Rafe,” she said softly. She smiled at me, fierceness relented. “We’re not adopting them. I just want to take care of them until we get them to a town; someone to take care of them.” I was never very good with kids, and I turned away in frustration. It wasn’t that I disliked children; it’s that I never really knew how to be one, so talking to them was difficult. Bethany always used to tell me that until I learned how to talk to children, being a father isn’t something I should try.

          “Children just…aren’t my forte. I’m not very good at dealing with them, that’s all.” Shifting nervously, I added, “Derek used to laugh at me for scaring them.” The thought of Derek made my chest feel heavy and my stomach cold.

          She wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me tight. I wrapped an arm around her waist in return, my mind fuzzed with the memories. She seemed to know and just dropped a kiss on my neck, saying softly, “I won’t be gone for long. If you let them, you might find that children have a wonderful power to make you smile.” She looked me almost sadly in the face and whispered, “I’d really like it if you would smile.”

          The look on her face almost made me smile all on its own. I brushed a lock of hair from her face and my finger brushed her cheek, making her look up at me with big eyes. “Rose,” I murmured softly, not even really sure why I said her name at all. She seemed to vaguely wonder, but didn’t really worry about it. Without even thinking, I cupped her cheek in my hand.

          Of course, the moment I was about to kiss her, we hear a chorus of teasingly disgusted noises coming from the brats. Sighing, I hung my head a moment and I heard Rose laugh softly, and I found myself smiling despite the ruined moment. “See,” I told her in an undertone. “Having kids around isn’t so great.”

          She kissed my cheek and pointed out, going over to her pack and grabbing up her quiver and bow, “I’ll remind you, comrade that the moment wouldn’t have come without us meeting them today.” Before I could reply, she came back over to me and smiled, saying softly with a grin, “You’ll just have to try again another time.”

          I grinned a bit and suggested, sliding my hands around her waist and pulling her in as I spoke, “I could try again now.”

          Being cruel, she let me get so close as to be almost kissing her before whispering, “You could, but the moment’s gone.” I sighed, hanging my head as she laughed at my pain. She kissed my cheek again and headed for the trees. She looked at the children and said, “Why don’t you get to know each other? I’ll be back soon.”

          The girl caught my attention, grinning intelligently as she teased, “You don’t like kids.”

          “I’m not very good with them,” I admitted. “I spent my childhood learning how to string bows and keep my blades sharp.” The boy found this awe-inspiring but the girl just put her hands on her little hips.

          She was cute for a little kid. She had long dark brown hair with loose curls. Most girls at thirteen didn’t have pale skin or the evidence of womanhood just yet, but she did. Her bright hazel eyes were smarter than I would have expected from a thirteen year old girl. Her brother had the same eyes, a bit more of a tan, and absolutely no signs of maturing. He had sandy blond hair and an innocent roundness in his face. The girl gestured to the boy and said, “His name is Tim. He doesn’t talk much, but he’s not a bad kid.” She was obviously used to taking care of him; the sheer tone of her voice told me that. This girl didn’t see herself as a child and I imagined treating her like one would only serve to anger her.

          “Hello Tim,” I greeted, unable to help grinning at the way she stood with such command. This girl would be a pistol when she got older. It took me a second to realize that Rose had been right; children did have an uncanny ability to make me feel better.

          Tim waved at me shyly while the girl introduced herself, “My name is Megara, but my friends call me Meg. At least, they would, if I had any friends.” She shrugged and skipped lightly over to what would be the center of the camp, looking up at me and saying, “Should we get this fire going or what?”

          By the time Rose returned, Meg and Tim were on the floor roaring with giggles and laughter. I hadn’t found the strength to laugh yet personally, but I felt warmed at the sight of their unbridled mirth. Meg reminded me of Ana but that only made it harder to laugh, despite the hilarity. They were being ridiculous, really. We’d ask each other questions and typically, Meg would answer sarcastically or I would. Tim, finally opening up, would say one thing; and the laughter would get worse.

          Rose saw the children laughing on their backs and smiled, shaking her head as she dropped the doe by my feet. Heaving a sigh of relief, she told me, “It’s your turn to gut dinner. I’m taking these two to clean up.” I pulled my knife out and almost set to work, but then decided to wait until she’d taken the kids to the river �" I didn’t think showing them what a little doe looked like on the inside would do anything good for them.

          Tim grabbed Rose’s hand as soon as she set her bow and quiver down, grabbing up her pack. She tossed it over her shoulder and accepted the little hand, smiling when Meg grabbed the other. The beaming smile on Rose’s face made me smile a bit myself. She seemed to really love children.

          They left and I started the gutting, hoping to done before they got back.

 

          Tim and Meg were clean and I noticed that Rose had given Meg one of two shirts she’d stolen from me, while Tim wore the other. Both kids were positively drowned in my large shirts. Rose had a white sack that was dripping wet and I noticed that Rose, being the free spirit she was, hadn’t bothered to wear anything other than her chemise. I shook my head, turning the meat and saying with a sigh, knowing I’d be living on this shirt from now on, “Take my last shirt, you silly woman. You can’t run around like that.”

          She grinned and produced my shirt from behind her back, “I was wondering if you’d approve.” I actually laughed then and her smile turned way up. She put on my shirt, which covered her a bit better than the chemise alone. Her hair was still damp and hung messily around her face as she went about tying up a line from one tree to the next, and then hanging the wet clothes on them.

          Tim and Meg were both sitting on one of the logs I’d pulled up to sit on, and I took off my shirt to avoid them noticing the amount of doe blood I’d splattered on myself earlier. As I went about turning and seasoning the meat again, Meg dropped a random question. “Rafe, are you in love with Ms. Rose?”

          I paused, slowly turning to look at Rose, who’d turned to look at me in the middle of tying up the wet laundry. I looked back at the meat I was tending and said softly, “I care about her very much, Meg.”

          “That’s not what I asked,” she said intelligently. Something in her eyes seemed to be searching for a completely different answer to a question she hadn’t asked, but I didn’t know what it was. “Do you love her?”

          Looking at her calmly, I told her, “I met Rose a little under two months ago, Meg.”

          Rose helped me by adding, “Things have happened in that time. Rafe and I have only recently discovered we like each other. I think it’s a bit early to toss that word out.”

          Meg seemed deeply upset, demanding of Rose, “Do you think you two could come to love each other?”

          Lost, I looked to Rose. Rose waved me off and went to the upset girl, crouching as she said softly, “Meg, I promise you that one day, you’ll watch love happen in your own life. It will happen. Don’t base that possibility on us. It doesn’t happen in a week or even a month; real love takes time.”

          The girl looked sadly at her and said, “My dad never loved Mom. He left her to fend for herself in this house of other women.” She glanced nervously at her brother and hinted, “It was a house that men only visited.”

          Rose and I both understood and nodded to ourselves. Meg’s mother had been a courtesan and her father was a customer. Softly, I told her, “I can relate, Meg. I never knew my parents.”

          “My dad came to visit my mom lots, until she got pregnant with me. Then he wouldn’t talk to her for a whole year. After awhile, he came back, but then a couple years later, she got pregnant again �" and mom was really angry.” Little tears fell down the girl’s cheek and my heart broke for her. “She used to beat me, because Tim was too little to be hitting.” Tim ran over to me as I sat back on the log behind me and buried his face in my chest without a word. I just put my hand on his back and let him, reminded of the moments where Bethany would do the same thing when I’d cry.

 

         “She used to beat me real good, too. She’d tell me that it was our fault that Dad hated her. Whenever he’d come to visit, he’d stay with the other women instead of Mom. That’s when she’d be the meanest. She wouldn’t feed either of us and then she’d beat me. She never beat Tim, just me.” Pausing, she amended, “She tried to beat Tim, but I’d call her some dirty word I’d hear the men saying and she’d get mad at me instead.”

 

         Rose picked up Meg, holding her in her lap as she sat on the log. “You protected your little brother,” she confirmed. Meg just nodded. “You’re a good big sister.”

 

         After we ate, Rose put the kids to bed in her pallet, which was big enough for both the small bodies. She sat with me and we idly chatted for a bit before she tried to subtly cover up a yawn. I grinned and told her, “Sleep in my pallet tonight. I’ll catch a nap when you wake up.”

          She kissed my cheek (as she seemed to like doing at every chance) and stood, going over to my pack and unhooking my pallet. She laid it out and slipped in, sighing as she settled. “Goodnight Rafe,” she said softly.

          “Goodnight, comrade.”

          I held the scroll in my hands, turning it over and debating what to do with it. Reading it crossed my mind but I didn’t know what I’d do with the information when I did read it. If it was a message to another barrack about the raid, then Meir might be in danger still after all. I’d have to turn back and go warn John and Spike. It might just be a status report to someone higher up. I sat there, staring at the seal of the scroll.

          The seal actually belonged to the King, which concerned me. It was from Rathbull, but it bore the So-Called King’s seal. What did that mean? For some reason, I was hesitant to open it. I couldn’t recreate the seal once I broke it without a professional con. I vaguely wondered if Rose could reproduce it with a spell or something but the idea sounded as silly as it seemed so I dismissed it.

 

         Aggravated, I mimed throwing the thing into the fire for my own amusement. It helped a little but not much. Sighing, I tucked it into my pack and sat with my back against the log, near Rose and my blades. I watched her sleep for a time. The peace in her face was enough to make me jealous of how calmly she slept.

 

         Then I thought of Meg’s question from earlier. Did I love her? I thought for a long, long time. It’s like my brain and everything else went dead silent in anticipation of the answer. I decided to resort to the pathetic but effective means of making a list of cons and pros to this question. Then that answer didn’t work and I realized I’d have to actually… feel things about it.

          Feeling things was difficult. That meant I was invested and I cared. I’d already evidenced how much caring about something could hurt. Losing my entire life in a second showed me that caring about anyone would likely lead to a lot of pain. My chest still ached and today had been the first laugh I had in weeks �" and even it had felt a bit forced. I found myself smiling just to keep Rose from worrying, and to keep that smile on her face.

          “Damn it,” I muttered with realization. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, ignoring hard bark on my back. Shaking my head, I looked back at Rose and whispered. I knew she wouldn’t hear me and I knew that she was asleep. My mind didn’t like the idea, especially in light of recent events, but I didn’t feel I had any choice in the matter at this point. I was invested. I cared. It mattered to me, whatever happened to her. Her well being and keeping a smile on her face had somehow become priority over even getting a damn night’s sleep.

          I didn’t like using the word for it, but I’d never felt the need to cradle anyone to my chest and just keep them there. I’d never had the violent urge to rip muscle from bone like I had when Erin slapped Rose. Before Rose, I didn’t believe smiling was infectious. Women couldn’t be fierce and strong like her before. Seeing her pull back the string of a bow and hit the mark, better than some men, made me feel confident that while I felt the need to anyway, protecting her really wasn’t always necessary. Mornings in the cave where I’d wake up with my head in her lap, I felt like the day was already brighter. Every time she kissed my cheek, the urge to smile was almost painful. I can remember the way I felt helpless and weak when I’d see tears well in her eyes �" and the way it broke my heart when she’d swallow, force them back, and pretend to be okay. However, she was also insanely difficult.

She almost never shut up and she was so damned stubborn. With the mouth of a sailor and attitude to boot, I found that there wasn’t any good way to tell what in hell she’d try next. She didn’t listen, she was  opinionated, and bull-headed, and never knew when to be scared, loved to push my buttons (knew how to push my buttons), always had a comeback I couldn’t really argue against, refused to let me protect her when she needed it, and so damned mouthy… but I couldn’t help it.

 

         “I love you, Rose.”

Author's Note

Cafe replaces - with " so dont tell me. -- OKAY. This is mostly just cute. There is some serious thought, but most of it is based around a little girl's innocent question.