Of Hummingbird

Of Hummingbird

A Poem by GunMetal
"

Something nice.

"
I hover like an underscore above the water
watching the vapor twist to my presence.
It reminds me how fragile the air is,
and how fortunate that is for me.

Do you sometimes wish your wings could whisper?
Do I resist the urge to bury myself in your hair
because it smells like how flowers taste?

Maybe.

I can stay perched for only so long.
I know your heart beats slowly.

Having the imagination you do,
you like the way the scattered clouds in the morning
sometimes look like crayon scribbles.

I had never thought of it like that before.
You’re absolutely right.

I could learn a thing or two from you about
producing such a beautiful aura,
and in return,
I could show you how to move in any direction,
even backwards,
without fear.

Take notice the hum of my awkward.
It’s hard to keep a good composure
when my heart has beaten twelve-hundred times
in the last minute.

Don’t worry.
I’m not afraid to sing for you.

© 2012 GunMetal


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Featured Review

I like the aura you give to this poem. The only piece of advice I have for you is just to make sure you keep the same flow of rhythm going when you write a poem in this style. What I mean is make sure you're going in the same direction. In the beginning it was really poetic, but then you got a little childish when you used crayon scribbles for a simile. Then you went poetic again. Make sure you stay in the same direction. Overall this was really awesome and I think that your potential really stood out when you wrote this!

Love it :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

' Having the imagination you do, ~ you like the way the scattered clouds in the morning ~ sometimes look like crayon scribbles. '

Even the simplest of emotions or experiences touch one's heart; even the gentles creature's actions leave their mark.

This poem lays a carpet of sweet daisies and drifting clouds.. almost a prayer.

Posted 4 Years Ago


I enjoyed this very much. A gentle wave of calm in your words. Quite beautiful. Regards Ray

Posted 4 Years Ago


I like the verse about the hair and the flowers...a romantic piece you have written...and I like the ending too as well as producing a beautiful aura...SyberRose

Posted 8 Years Ago


Do you wish your wings could whisper? I like that question. She is a mixed bagged as I am so it's torrential sometimes figuring these types but you have it nailed. Wise enough to figure it out. Your wisdom would help this person so much if it's heeded and truly consumed. It's getting the attention of one with an attention span who doesn't always notice the beauty. Beautiful, raw write and I love it. I just love it.

Posted 8 Years Ago


such an amazing compilation of words an imagery... I loved it.. thank you.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Stunning.
I knew you wouldn't disappoint.

"Having the imagination you do,
you like the way the scattered clouds in the morning
sometimes look like crayon scribbles."

This line stood out to me the most,
and I loved everything about it.
To read something with a diferent view on things is inspiring.
I think it held a nice ethereal feel to it as well,
just like that of a hummingbird.

Beautiful write. ^-^

Posted 8 Years Ago


this is a really sweet write of how much you care for this person!!(:

Posted 8 Years Ago


I read this in a calming sense..its the air you gave, a rhythm of soft tones but have such a gripping pull...honestly, one of the best I have read in awhile...thank you for sharing this piece. I love it!

Posted 8 Years Ago


GunMetal

8 Years Ago

Thank you =)
I wanted to write something that was kind, as it was inspired by kindness.
 VelvetRosetta

8 Years Ago

Well you did a fantastic job! Mission accomplished!
At first I'm not sure that I caught the conversational element between the speaker and the hummingbird. I like it though, I think it shows a real respect and value for the wisdom of a natural being. I think that the lines may need to be distinguished from each other a bit, maybe with some sort of italics or the like.

You have some really great lines though, such as "you like the way the scattered clouds in the morning/ sometimes look like crayon scribbles." I loved those lines!



Posted 8 Years Ago


GunMetal

8 Years Ago

Thank you! I get mixed reactions from those lines, but I can't help but keep them in there.
this is so good. well done! :)

Posted 8 Years Ago



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Added on June 1, 2012
Last Updated on June 1, 2012

Author

GunMetal
GunMetal

Wish You Were Here, Alta Loma, CA



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