Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in the corners of our wrinkled sheets,

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea;
it leaves me dripping remorse.
It appears death's formidable grip can trump a full hand
of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence
held me in perspective as one
too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders.

The scent of your demise, to me, seemed innocuous
fleeting and unable to bloom.

But flowers, I've discovered, are fragile things
that, in a short period of time,
will die from the slightest chill.

And I" unbelievably"
immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner
unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs
never noticed at all
your petals
falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Winslow Des Totes]

But, flowers--I've discovered--are fragile things
that in a short period of time
will die from the slightest chill.

And I...unbelievably--
immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner--
unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs--
never noticed at all--
your petals--
falling one by one.

Wow. Very potent and incredible diction; every word is necessary which is what makes great poetry! Favoriting this for later reads!

[Relic]

I appreciate your thoughts on the poem, thank you. :)

[Hebe]

This is a stunning piece of writing.... you found exactly the right words and brought a common situation into the light so vividly, it's exactly what happens! I absolutely loved the last stanza ...the imagery is powerful!

[Relic]

Thank you very much Hebe. :)

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn..]

Very beautifully, but tragically, done ... As I read (actually I read this piece from my Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn Stories page) your heart penned to page, at first I thought you spoke of someone whom you loved that had died, but as I went on I saw that it was her love for you that had died, and so she was likely gone from your life--at least gone from that person's life who is speaking within your poem ... Having lost someone dear to me to suicide, it matters not how they leave, but that they are gone forever, and shall never brighten our lives again ...

[Relic]

I'm sorry to hear that Marvin. I had a friend that committed suicide and I know how sudden and shocking that can be to handle.

Thank you for your thoughts.

[Papaya]

I know I have read this one before but it's just such a heartbreakingly beautiful poem. I think I read it on HP because I can see I have not left a review here.

[Relic]

Thank you for pointing out its valuable merit once again Papaya. I'll gladly accept it. ha :)

[Helen Crutchett]

So perfectly beautiful.....words fail me as this choked me up. But I can say this was a complete honour to read.....the words sublime and obviously from a poet who knows his craft! Excellent!

[Relic]

Thank you so much for the compliment Helena. :)

[Montana Tom]

Heavy stuff but good stuff nice expression. What I like about the Cafe everyone's talent so different but all good in some way.

[Relic]

Thanks so much M. Tom. I have another one (not posted) called An old west tale. It's a mile long though so no one wanted to read it. haha.

[Barbara Borel]

I love this and am enjoying all of your work

[Relic]

You're very kind, thank you. :)

[Patrick Roach]

Excellent piece, I adore your writing style.

[Relic]

Thank you Ibrahim.

[-]

Wonderful and thought provoking by the way. N.