Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in corners of our wrinkled sheets

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea - 

It leaves me dripping remorse.

It seems, death's formidable grip can trump a full hand 

of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence

held me in perspective as one

too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders. 

The scent of your demise to me seemed innocuous -

fleeting, and unable to bloom;

But, flowers - I've discovered - are fragile things 

that in a short period of time

will die from the slightest chill.

And I...unbelievably -

immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner -

unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs -

never noticed at all -

your petals -

falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Great Aunt Astri]

How often we realize what we should have done, in retrospect.He did not notice her falling petals but memory is often not too harsh on us. He might remember the good times.

[Relic]

Thank you for the review.

[shallimarRose]

"reaching out transparent hands
to grasp at my foolishness."

relic this one floored me.. how true this is... Sometimes a man (or woman) can get so involved in mundane things, secular work.. friends, golf.. so busy that they forget to notice the flower wilting on the windowsill. Love has to be nourished.. A woman needs to feel important. Be treated with love and respect, pampered once in awhile. All too often we look back at a failed marriage or relationship and realize it was us that let it slip away... Strong, thought provoking and easily related to.. thank you sweet friend.. xo Rose

[Relic]

Thanks for your thoughts Shallimar. I agree with all you've said.

[Dye]

I didn't expect a sad read...although a tearjerker I really enjoyed it and felt like this probably happens more often than not. Some never learn what they have until it's too late.

[Relic]

Thanks for reading it Dye.

[The Chosen Poet]

Amazing read, This part is still stuck in my head because you the picture you painted in my head
''The scent of
your demise seemed innocuous,
fleeting, and unable to bloom.'' I love it

Sean

[Relic]

Thanks very much Sean.

[KaylasPoetryBook]

This piece tugged on my heart strings, a very sad tale. You have a way with words. I love finding writes like this that display peoples creativity and brilliant minds so beautifully. Loved it (:

[Relic]

Thank you very much Kaylas, I appreciate that.

[Gleb Zavlanov]

I found this to be a very deep and painful portrayal of reality. You used very dark and powerful words to create even more powerful imagery. Amazing job! Keep up the great work. Also, thank you for commenting.

[Relic]

Thank you Gleb and you're welcome.

[Dean]

Your last stanza is a killer,,,really grabbed me. Sums up the whole poem just right. I have lots to look forward to.

[Relic]

Thank you Dean.

[redzone]

Very compelling poem Julie.... and then too there is the "disregarding and ignoring" but it is not her death that makes him realize "what he has done"... but her leaving. her tears are gone, as too her petals and she flees so as to have her life... and if he is honest, he spends the rest of his life, never diregarding or ignoring again and hoping she has flowered a new. your poem is a too well known story. ~~redzone

[Relic]

Thank you for the review.
Julie?

[redzone]

sorry, got confused on who wrote this poem. hope you can forgive my mental lapse... i will do better next time.

[Relic]

No problem.

[Coyote Poetry]

"But flowers, I've discovered,
are fragile and brittle things, wilting
at the slightest chill."
I like the wisdom of this poem. Love is tender and need to be treated with kindness and tenderness. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Relic]

Thank you very much for your kind words.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome. I have enjoyed your poetry and story for a long time. Stand you ground. Bad folks will be found.

[TL Boehm]

Never noticing all your petals falling one by one. That is an achingly relevant line. That and the entire first four lines just grabbed me and dug in.
Obviously this is stellar work if it garnered 80 reviews. I probably cannot add anything unique but you have my admiration. Wonderfully penned.

[Relic]

I thought I left a reply to your review but it seems to have disappeared. Thank you very much TL.