Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in the corners of our wrinkled sheets,

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea;
it leaves me dripping remorse.
It appears death's formidable grip can trump a full hand
of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence
held me in perspective as one
too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders.

The scent of your demise, to me, seemed innocuous
fleeting and unable to bloom.

But flowers, I've discovered, are fragile things
that, in a short period of time,
will die from the slightest chill.

And I" unbelievably"
immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner
unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs
never noticed at all
your petals
falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Hatchling]

Amazing

[Relic]

Thank you.

[Hatchling]

You're very welcome

[An owl on the moon]

Yes... how winter too often comes to world and drives out the summer sun. This is a bittersweet moment... such beauty before all frozen now on sheets of ice.

[Relic]

Thank you very much Craig.

[Pete Langley]

For anyone who has lost someone, including me, your words evoke powerful feelings, Relic. There will be a day when I can write about it, but for now, your piece of poetry does it for me. I thank you most kindly. P.

[Relic]

I'm truly sorry for your loss Pete. Thank you for the review.

[Pete Langley]

Thanks so much, my friend.

[junaid altaf]

you have simply done justice with the emotion and that too in the fabrication of words!

[Relic]

Thank you very much for the kind words.

[junaid altaf]

your welcome

[Ed Hart]

guilt is the great burden, and you have erected such a beautiful and reflective monument to it here, any of us stopping to admire or commune can catch our reflection...neither ghosts nor the world can forgive us our clumsy ways, we have to find the strength for that ourselves, all the while dragging our past in our wake, chains, bones, debts...if we learn at all, it is by reaching the surface and breathing fresh air

[Relic]

Wonderfully stated Ed, thank you so much for your review.

[Jack Reaper]

this is incredibly deep and thought provoking. strong metaphor for your interpretation. through time, we start to take loved ones for granted we see everyday, and dont realize its too late to show them how much they still mean to us. exceptional work.

[Relic]

My thanks Jack. :)

[Jack Reaper]

you are very welcome.

[Tierra Starr]

"I've never liked swimming in guilt's sea" I love this :) Well done. Your use of these words is flawless and really leaves one thinking. It's a sad poem. It's easy to not see someone slowly fading away until it seems too late.

[Relic]

Thank you Tierra, you're right. I'm glad you enjoyed this poem.

[Baby Ricochet]

This is a beautiful poem Mr Relic. It's like really sad with time. I really like the Ghost hides in the corner of the wrinkled sheets line. That's really beautiful.

[Relic]

Thank you very much Ricochet.

[Anya Myth]

Okay, this nearly made me cry. Just thinking how it can be makes us all want to change it so we don't have to go through life feeling that. And not only is this a good message to men, but nowadays to women as well.
It was hart wrenching, or rather it could be...
It was painfully beautiful. Keep at it. :')

[Relic]

Thank you Anya, I'm glad you liked it.

[char]

Beautiful. "Your petals falling one by one." That's a pretty line. This poem reminds you to love while you can. Time stops for no one.

[Relic]

You're right Anna it doesn't. Thank you very much.

[Relic]

I'm going to put you on my next list of people to review, is there anything you'd like me to read?

[char]

Read whatever you wish. Free will is a gift. Take advantage of that.

[Relic]

Okay, you got it Anna, I will.