Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in corners of our wrinkled sheets

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea - 

It leaves me dripping remorse.

It seems, death's formidable grip can trump a full hand 

of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence

held me in perspective as one

too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders. 

The scent of your demise to me seemed innocuous -

fleeting, and unable to bloom;

But, flowers - I've discovered - are fragile things 

that in a short period of time

will die from the slightest chill.

And I...unbelievably -

immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner -

unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs -

never noticed at all -

your petals -

falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Anna]

I really enjoyed the last stanza, this is beautiful!

[Relic]

Thank you Anna.

[Frieda P]

This popped up and I had to read it again, still got that same high from reading it...it's timeless. Takes my breath away.

[Relic]

I appreciate that Frieda. Thanks.

[Frieda P]

No, thank you..it's really a good reminder to value what we have and take good care of those people in our lives. Good start for the New Year.

[Relic]

:)

[K-mo]

This is deep and well written, thanks for sharing your work!

[Relic]

Thank you for reading.

[K-mo]

oh no problem!

[VALORMORE DE PLUME]

I very much like this work for the way the metaphores extract visions and emotions from my stoney fortress.

[Relic]

ha, well, the metaphors don't come easy for me. I've got a lot of cracks on the stones of mine that constantly need mending.

[VALORMORE DE PLUME]

The Beatles had that problem also. Evedent in the song "fixing the hole"
I'm fixing the hole where the rain gets in and stops my mind fron wandering where it will go.

[Relic]

Never thought about that. Good observation.

[VALORMORE DE PLUME]

Thank you for the reminder. I too am guilty of this crime. I hope I can make it up to her before it's too late.

[Relic]

There's always a chance depending on how deep the roots go. I wish you the best of luck. Thank for the read.

[revalatia]

wow. very beautifully written. The intense imagery bursts from every paragraph.

[Relic]

I appreciate you reading, thank you.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

geez, the whole time i was reading this...i just kept thinking of ted hughes and sylvia plath...and his book Birthday Letters...which is all poems about her...but published after her death...a bit too late that he gave her the attention she needed and deserved...he was such a b*****d..taking care of his own needs and taking advantage of her giving...

some relationships are like this...and yes, take it away, then we miss it.

well penned piece

jacob

[Relic]

I'm a big fan of Sylvia who can be found on my other account at Palewriter. I know her poem 'daddy' was a reflection on not only her father but also her husband to a degree. I think I wrote this before I was aware of her and her poetry. I started listening to her poetry at the same time as anne sexton on youtube. It's a shame they both ended their lives so soon.

Thanks for the review.

Tim

[jacob erin-cilberto]

interesting you brought up Sexton...

i did my masters thesis on both of them, years ago.

[Relic]

Frieda just did one on Plath. I haven't reviewed it yet but plan to. I never knew about Sexton until I saw one of her videos on the plath page. Incredible writers, both of them.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i had to come back to this one...my best friend's birthday is in two days...i lost her back in 1984...

have a poem about her i am going to post soon.

this reminds me of her...and flowers and life and how they are similar...so beautiful is a life, but so ephemeral...the petals for one reason or another just don't last...and we are left with green memories of was once a bloom.

[Relic]

Poetically said Jacob. Sorry about your friend. I've lost some close ones myself, its a hard thing to go through.

[Frieda P]

I have no thoughts, my mind just went blank from sheer exhilaration....this is most beautiful, telling, brutally honest and a extraordinary write. Well done.

[Relic]

I'm blushing, I really am, thank you so much.

[Frieda P]

tis true :)

[Relic]

:)

[LA Lorena]

this is beautiful, and I can connect well with these feelings. Regret for those actions that caused another's feelings of pain, especially when they were not intended can haunt one. Sometimes it is too late to change things. We learn, we grow, we regret, but we can't turn back the hands of time. Nicely done!

[Relic]

You're so nice. (and hot, hahaha, just kidding love). Thank you for reading.

[LA Lorena]

Ouch. Give a girl a compliment and snatch it away so quickly again. Men never learn, do they? ;)

[Relic]

Okay then, you're hot. haha In fact I complimented one of your pictures in case yo didn't see it. ;)

[SparrowSong]

Seeds of indifference choke the bloom, petals fall one by one until unable to stand, falls, falls into a hollow, neglected existence. How much we fail to see until it is too late.

I connected to this immediately, emotive writing at its finest, leaving me feeling the pain of loss and culpability within the words. Well done.