Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in the corners of our wrinkled sheets,

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea;
it leaves me dripping remorse.
It appears death's formidable grip can trump a full hand
of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence
held me in perspective as one
too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders.

The scent of your demise, to me, seemed innocuous
fleeting and unable to bloom.

But flowers, I've discovered, are fragile things
that, in a short period of time,
will die from the slightest chill.

And I" unbelievably"
immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner
unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs
never noticed at all
your petals
falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Carolann Dowsett]

Wow this brought tears to my eyes and a lot of deep emotion. To have a man write such as this, with such insight and depth. Beautifully written and expressed.

[Relic]

Thank you so much for your kind thoughts Carolann.

[Carolann Dowsett]

Welcome.

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

Too real and really true!
The unknown deliberate sacrifice of one who has seen it all!

[Relic]

Thank you very much.

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

yes

[Yasmin]

Honest and amazing
Well done

[Relic]

Thank you Yasmin.

[Yasmin]

you are welcomed :)

[Clayton Bardwell]

There are times when I come here to this site to visit a while and leave with the feeling of doom and gloom, but not this time. This poem, this work of yours reminds me how ambivalent we can become to one another, how time and repetition can dull our senses. Not just with a loved one but with each other, regardless of the relationship.

By pointing out the wrong that we do to each other reminds me that we should stop a while and smell the roses. Offer a hand, or a smile, or a gentile complimentary remark. It is the little things, after all, that make a difference.

[Relic]

I couldn't agree more Clayton. My time here on the site will not be as frequent as it used to be by choice. But I try to come back once in a while to say hello or to give a review now and then.

Thanks for reading.

[Clayton Bardwell]

Confusion to the enemy! Until we meet again.

[quinfinn]

a lesson most seasoned lovers learn far too late, no matter how seasoned. you have captured it well, with immaculate images and beautiful wordplay.

[Relic]

Thank you very much.

[Quill~]

Absolutely beautiful! You are a true poet.

[Relic]

Thank you Quill.

[Quill~]

:)

[Corset]

That last stanza is killer, well the whole thing is just incredible, hindsight is 20/20
and it does seem to be true and you have written such a beautiful piece here.

[Relic]

Thank you very much for your review.

[Anna]

I really enjoyed the last stanza, this is beautiful!

[Relic]

Thank you Anna.

[Frieda P]

This popped up and I had to read it again, still got that same high from reading it...it's timeless. Takes my breath away.

[Relic]

I appreciate that Frieda. Thanks.

[Frieda P]

No, thank you..it's really a good reminder to value what we have and take good care of those people in our lives. Good start for the New Year.

[Relic]

:)

[K-mo]

This is deep and well written, thanks for sharing your work!

[Relic]

Thank you for reading.

[K-mo]

oh no problem!