Daydreaming

This poem is still being edited. ..

I saw a puddle remained

When the storm cleared
The sun soon came again

and its light gleamed down,

across water like sparkling diamonds

Yes, on this lingering puddle

Peculiar to me, why I’d sit and stare,

from my window out to a pond

surrounded by waving trees

As the crisp wind blew,

ripples on water ensue

A leaf like gold, down, down she fell

and skated ‘round, across the residual lagoon

I saw a bird with spectator eyes

Perched on a branch 

One step sideways, then two, then three

Fluttering wings into the sky he flies

Why don’t I spend more time

intertwined with nature?

No, behind my window I stay

I am grown

Yet cannot deny, I long to

stomp my feet in the puddle

I watched alone today

Reviews

[Meliss@k]

Beautiful! When I read about the bird "then two then three" is when I became part of the poem. I felt myself fly away. I felt myself looking through the window and wanting to splash in the puddle as well. Wonderful poem. In a HUGE imagery fan, and you gave me imagery.

[JenniferMarie]

Awwe thank you Melissa. I really appreciate it. I love imagery too. I like taking a journey through peoples writing. Yes, a little bird seems to appear in some of my poems :) I will read some of your writing too.

[Meliss@k]

oh, thank you! :)

[Glen Yumang Manese]

The recurring word with "puddle" kept me going to the conclusion of this verse... and gives a longing to the reader and the ending line...

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you for your nice review Glen. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem.

[Riley]

I really enjoyed reading your poem. You did a wonderful job of descriptions. It took me a half a second to get the flow, but caught on quickly enough and it was great.

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you Riley. I love to write, but do need to perfect it and learn more. I appreciate your comment. :) have a wonderful day.

[Ban Heo]

This poem is nice but I would do without the last two lines in your 2nd to last stanza. I feel like this idea is implicitly said in your final stanza and does not need to be given away at the end of your 2nd. Overall, great reading it :)

[JenniferMarie]

Now that I've let this poem cool. I see where I need to show more rather than tell in some areas. You bring up a great point. I plan to change a few lines. I will post the edited version soon and see what you all think. Thank you for critiques. It helps me grow as a writer. Have a great day.

[Allen Smuckler]

I liked the carefree, nostalgic feel of this write Jennifer...
Good flow and cadence with excellent imagery throughout
Enjoyed...thanks for sharing
allen

[Mauricio Montoya]

It must have been one beautiful day to dream away, nice work.

[FJ Davis]

You have at least three of the traits necessary for properly indulging this admitted obsession--an analytical mind, a poet's heart and a child's emotions.
"Daydreaming" is truly lovely work, Jennifer.

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you for your comment.

[Devons]

A subtle undertone of existentialism hums lullaby-like within this tribute to wistfulness. The sense of the constrained and psychologically-imprisoned human being gently pines through the words, softly praying to be set free somehow from behind the superficial barrier of man-made glass. But then without it, perhaps we would be less wistful...and perhaps less lyrical than words like this could produce.

[James Paulin]

Many poets always forgo capitals to begin each phrase of a poem. You may or may not choose to do that but in this case I think it would enhance the fluid readability of the poem. I also enjoy the fact you have chosen to refrain from using a picture to do the work of the words.