Daydreaming

Daydreaming

A Poem by JenniferMarie
"

This poem is still being edited. ..

"

I saw a puddle remained

When the storm cleared
The sun soon came again

and its light gleamed down,

across water like sparkling diamonds


Yes, on this lingering puddle

Peculiar to me, why I’d sit and stare,

from my window out to a pond

surrounded by waving trees


As the crisp wind blew,

ripples on water ensue

A leaf like gold, down, down she fell

and skated ‘round, across the residual lagoon

I saw a bird with spectator eyes

Perched on a branch 

One step sideways, then two, then three

Fluttering wings into the sky he flies

Why don’t I spend more time

intertwined with nature?


No, behind my window I stay

I am grown

Yet cannot deny, I long to

stomp my feet in the puddle

I watched alone today


© 2013 JenniferMarie


My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Beautiful! When I read about the bird "then two then three" is when I became part of the poem. I felt myself fly away. I felt myself looking through the window and wanting to splash in the puddle as well. Wonderful poem. In a HUGE imagery fan, and you gave me imagery.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

JenniferMarie

11 Years Ago

Awwe thank you Melissa. I really appreciate it. I love imagery too. I like taking a journey through .. read more
Meliss@k

11 Years Ago

oh, thank you! :)



Reviews

The recurring word with "puddle" kept me going to the conclusion of this verse... and gives a longing to the reader and the ending line...

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

JenniferMarie

10 Years Ago

Thank you for your nice review Glen. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem.

Beautiful! When I read about the bird "then two then three" is when I became part of the poem. I felt myself fly away. I felt myself looking through the window and wanting to splash in the puddle as well. Wonderful poem. In a HUGE imagery fan, and you gave me imagery.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

JenniferMarie

11 Years Ago

Awwe thank you Melissa. I really appreciate it. I love imagery too. I like taking a journey through .. read more
Meliss@k

11 Years Ago

oh, thank you! :)
I really enjoyed reading your poem. You did a wonderful job of descriptions. It took me a half a second to get the flow, but caught on quickly enough and it was great.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

JenniferMarie

11 Years Ago

Thank you Riley. I love to write, but do need to perfect it and learn more. I appreciate your commen.. read more
This poem is nice but I would do without the last two lines in your 2nd to last stanza. I feel like this idea is implicitly said in your final stanza and does not need to be given away at the end of your 2nd. Overall, great reading it :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


JenniferMarie

11 Years Ago

Now that I've let this poem cool. I see where I need to show more rather than tell in some areas. Yo.. read more
I liked the carefree, nostalgic feel of this write Jennifer...
Good flow and cadence with excellent imagery throughout
Enjoyed...thanks for sharing
allen

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

It must have been one beautiful day to dream away, nice work.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

You have at least three of the traits necessary for properly indulging this admitted obsession--an analytical mind, a poet's heart and a child's emotions.
"Daydreaming" is truly lovely work, Jennifer.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

JenniferMarie

11 Years Ago

Thank you for your comment.
A subtle undertone of existentialism hums lullaby-like within this tribute to wistfulness. The sense of the constrained and psychologically-imprisoned human being gently pines through the words, softly praying to be set free somehow from behind the superficial barrier of man-made glass. But then without it, perhaps we would be less wistful...and perhaps less lyrical than words like this could produce.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Many poets always forgo capitals to begin each phrase of a poem. You may or may not choose to do that but in this case I think it would enhance the fluid readability of the poem. I also enjoy the fact you have chosen to refrain from using a picture to do the work of the words.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


First Page first
Previous Page prev
1
Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

458 Views
13 Reviews
Rating
Added on May 4, 2012
Last Updated on January 22, 2013


Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


inspired? inspired?

A Poem by Laha