Brad Johnson

Ian meets Andrew Johnson's son, who's supposed to be dead.

"Hello?" A deep voice sounded from the other side of the door. "Who is it?"

"My name is Ian Smith. Do you think I could talk to you for a while?" I knew very well that whoever lived here could be completely unrelated to Andrew Johnson. He could have just bought his old house, like I had with Gabe. But it was worth a try. I saw the curtains move a little, and a set of brown eyes with crinkled eyelids peeked through.

"I don't know no Ian Smith."

"I know you don't. But I would like to talk with you."

"About what? Are you trying to sell something? I don't got no money."

"No, sir. I just want to talk. Please?"

He cracked open the door and peeked out. "You don't got no weapons?"

"No."

"Prove it."

I pulled out my empty pockets and took off my jacket and handed it to him. He frowned and shook it. When nothing fell out, he handed it back to me and opened the door. I followed him into the living room. The man must have been in his late seventies, but he was very big.

"I'm Ian Smith."

"Hi, Ian Smith."

"Can I ask your name?"

"My name is Brad."

"Brad? Brad what?"

"Just Brad. I don't got no middle names."

"What about your last name?"

"Johnson."

"Brad Johnson? Did you know Andrew Johnson?"

"He's dead."

"Yes. But did you know him? When he was alive?"

"Yes. He was my daddy."

"Oh. I didn't know he had another son."

"Nope. Just me."

"But...but I thought Andrew's son died."

"I almost did. I almost drownded in the lake but he rescued me."

"How did he rescue you?"

"He jumped in and got me. He said 'Brad! Thank God, you're alive! I can't believe it! I missed you so much! Don't ever leave the house without me again.' And that was the first time I remember of him."

"What do you mean?"

"I forgetted a lot of things when I almost drownded. And because since I didn't have no real memories, my brain just thinked of some pretend memories. And I forgetted that he was my real daddy and imagined that I had another daddy and another mommy and a whole nother family and even another name."

"What was your other name?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because I promised."

"Who did you promise?"

"My real daddy. He telled me to never say that name again ever."

"Well he's not here anymore, so it's probably okay, don't you think?"

"Well...it doesn't feel okay."

"Do you think you could write it down?"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I don't know how to spell."

"Was your name Toby?"

"Hey! How did you knowed that? Are you a wizard?"

"No, Toby."

"That's not my name anymore. That's not my real name ever."

"I'm sorry. Brad. Brad, when you were with your pretend family in your pretend memories, were you part of a club?"

"Yes! How do you know?"

"Because that wasn't a fake memory. That was real."

"Nuh uh! Because I had different mommies and daddies."

"This is going to be hard for you to understand. But that club was real, your friends were real, your family was real, and your memories were real. Andrew is what's fake. He's not your real father. And you're not really Brad Johnson. His son was called Brad. But his son died when he was a little boy. He drowned in the lake."

"No way, Jose! Because he didn't died, he gotted rescued by his daddy from the lake and now he's alive and Toby was just a dream that his brain maked up. AGH! See what you maked me do? I'm not supposted to say that name never ever and now I said it and Daddy is disappointed at me and he's looking at me from the kingdom of heaven and frowning!"

I sighed. "Do you remember Eleanor?"

"Ellie Nor? The love of my life?"

"Yes. She was real too."

"Are you telling me the real truth?"

"Yes. It's true."

"The whole truth and nothing but the truth?"

I stifled a laugh. "Yep."

"I want to see her!"

"Who? Eleanor?"

"Yes! I want to see Ellie Nor!"

"Um... I'll let you see her if you answer some questions."

"Okay! But I'm not that good at tests."

"Don't worry, they're easy."

"Okay."

"Do you remember Gabriel Watson?"

"You mean Gabe? He was the pirate. He was the coolest one in the whole club. It was his own club in his back yard and he didn't wanted me in it at first but he changed his mind because since he didn't wanted me to be sad I think. His club was called the Namiacal Song and we went to his treehouse called the radio and we talked and we played games and we had so much fun!"

"How did you get into the Maniacal Song? What did you have to do first?"

"I hadded to answer a lots of questions and run a bunch and they was gonna make me swim but I couldn't cuz I was ascared of drownding and I didn't knowed how to swim acrost."

"Who else was in the club?"

"Elie Nor! She was the bestest one in the whole club!"

"Why was she the best?"

"She didn't laughed at me and called me mean names and talked in Spanish."

"But Gabe did?"

"Yes, everyone except for Elie Nor. Gabe and Jackie Nibble and Tommy and Frank. But most of all Gabe and Jackie Nibble."

"Did you like Eleanor?"

"Oh, I loveded her!"

"Do you remember what happened the day Andrew found you?"

"Yes. They maked me get out of the club."

"Go back a little. Were they being mean to you before that?"

"Yes. They was being real mean and making fun of me."

"Why do you think they were so mean to you? Did you like them?"

"Yes, I liked them because they was my friends! But they wasn't very nice to me when I didn't know what they was saying. That day they wasn't very nice at all. That day they was laughing at me and saying I was in loved with Elie Nor! Well...I was in loved with Elie Nor but I didn't want Elie Nor knowing that because I didn't thinked she was in loved with me!"

"So what did you do when they said that? And what did Eleanor do?"

"Elie Nor telled them to leave me alone but they wasn't listening and I was getting mad. So Ellie Nor comed over and touched on my shoulder and telled me to don't listen to them, but when she touched me it feeled so good that it maked my penis stand up."

I raised my eyebrows, but couldn't find the right words to respond to that. So I just told him to continue.

"Gabe was the boss of the Namiacal Song and he said that my penis was in loved with Ellie Nor too! That maked me feel so embarrassed so I got real mad and hitted Gabe a lot of times."

"You hit him? What did he do then?"

"He didn't do nothing, he just letted me hit him."

"He let you?"

"I guessed. Maybe he just couldn't maked me stop because I was real stronger than him. Everyone was telling me to stop but I didn't stopped because I wanted to teached him a lesson."

"Didn't you think he learned his lesson yet?"

"No because he wasn't crying yet and he maked me cry and laughed at me when I cried. So I wanted to make him cry too so he would learn his lesson."

"Oh."

"But then, Jackie Nibble said if I stopped hitting Gabe then Ellie Nor would give me a kiss! I wanted to kissed Ellie Nor so bad so I stopped hurting him."

"Wait a minute. Jack told you this? Not Eleanor?"

"No, it was Jackie Nibble, but Ellie Nor smiled at me like it was okay."

"So you-"

"I goed over to Ellie Nor and she kisted me on my cheek of my face! I kisted her back because I just loved her and I kisted her for a real long time like they do in movies and my penis was still standing up and it was tingling a whole bunch and she was so very pretty so I touchted her breastes like they do in movies again, and she yelped and I was laughing because it was so fun and it feeled so good!"

"Whoa, whoa! You did what? You groped her?"

"No, I just touchted her breastes."

I sighed. "Yes. That's what groping means, Toby."

"I'm Brad."

"No you're not," I said, frustrated. "You're not Brad! Brad is dead! And your real family and friends think you are too!"

"Oh. Sorry, I forgetted."

I sighed again. "It's okay. So you touched her breasts? What then?"

"I think some people was pulling on me but I just ignored them like Ellie Nor said to before because Ellie Nor and I was making love!"

"You were doing what?! Toby-"

He didn't acknowledge me, and judging by the look on his face, he was so wrapped up in the memory that he didn't hear me at all. "And I knowed that she didn't loved me yet so I wanted to make love for her so she could loved me too just the same as I loved her."

I opened my mouth but, once again, there were no words. He wanted to make love to her, so he could actually create love and give it to her.

"She was making a lots of noises and then she said my name and she said 'Toby, you're hurting me! Please stop!' And I lookted at her and she lookted sad and there was tears in her eyes and I knowed that was wrong because love is supposted to make people happy."

"She told you to stop? Did you stop?"

Again, he ignored me. "That's how I knowed I was doing it wrong. But I forgetted what I was supposted to be doing because suddenly my penis feeled like it was exploding! And then I was having to catch my breaths because I was moving real fast and I was so happy that we maked love so Ellie Nor could loved me!"

"Toby... You raped Eleanor!"

Finally he looked at me and paused. "What does 'raped' mean?"

"It means that you kept...making love...to her, even though it was hurting her."

"But I wasn't trying to hurt her!" he yelled, his eyes filling with tears. "I loved her, I would never ever wanted her to be hurted! I just wanted her to loved me!"

"It's okay, Toby. I know you didn't mean to. So after you stopped...what did you do then?"

"I lookted on the floor where Ellie Nor was laying to see how happy Ellie Nor was too, like I was happy, but she didn't looked very happy at all! She lookted sad and I tried to go over to her but she lookted like she was ascared of me!"

I frowned, struggling not to get angry or upset or sick. I hated rapists. My mother was raped and it tore our family apart. That was why I never had any real people to talk to as a child. That was why, even at the young age I was when it happened, I began to be more interested in other people's lives than my own. That was what shaped me as the curious people-watcher I am today. Because I put myself in their shoes and escaped my life to delve into somebody else's. Dr. Benson had been right. I was living vicariously through a man I had never even met.

But as much as I hated rape, I didn't hate Toby. I couldn't. He was a victim too, his entire life, and he didn't even realize it. He didn't understand the disrespect he was constantly treated with. He didn't mean to rape her. He didn't know that's what he was doing. He thought they were making love. He thought it was a good thing. He just wanted to be loved. He was just lonely. Lonely like me.

I felt sad for both the rapist and his victim. And the innocent way Toby described what happened, what he was seeing, was incredibly disturbing to me. I felt sick.

"It's okay, Toby. After you...after you and Eleanor made love...what happened then?"

"I tried to get back to Ellie Nor but she was ascared and sad and crying and then I was crying too. I was crying for Ellie Nor. Then all the boys- Gabe and Jackie Nibble and Frank and Tommy -they all grabbed onto me at once and taked me away from her and that maked me so sad. Real sad. I walkted back over but they keeped on pulling me away! Then Gabe telled me I was out of the club for ever and I could never, ever come back no matter what!"

He stopped here and sniffled, like the memory still hurt him. "I was so sad because I didn't understanded why my friends didn't want me anymore!" My heart sank at the word "friends". That poor kid. That poor, eighty-year-old kid still thought those boys were his friends.

"But I knowed Ellie Nor would still want me," he choked, "because we maked love together, and we was in loved. So I said 'Ellie Nor!' But she still lookted scared and she shaked her head 'no' at me and then all of a sudden I was falling way down, super fast out of the clubhouse tree, and I was so ascared, and then I waked up all wet by that deep lake full of water, and my head hurted real bad and it was dark and very scary and I think it was past my bedtime! And there was a man next to me and the man was Daddy!"

"You mean Andrew Johnson?"

"Yes, that's who I mean. And he said, 'Brad! I was so worried! Don't never leave that house by yourself never ever again! I love you, son.' And I said 'I'm not your son, I'm Toby.' And then he said, 'You hitted your head so you don't remember that I'm your real daddy. Your brain just maked up a fake daddy and family and friends. You are seven years old and your name is Brad Johnson and I'm your daddy and I loved you very much.' And I didn't knowed what to say, so I said 'I loved you too.' And then my new daddy taked me to the hospitable and they fixted my head and they telled us that I losed a lots of blood and I was very lucky that I didn't die! So the man letted me stay with him because he said that he was my real daddy and he telled me to don't never ever say that name of Toby Emerson again. And he almost never taked me out of home because since he didn't wanted me to get hurted and almost drowned again." I just stared at him, speechless.

He said, "I thinked my new daddy was telling me the real truth because I didn't knowed why else I would be by that lake that I was so ascared of. So the real me, Brad, I thinked, must not be ascared to swim. And I believed him because I never seed my friends and Ellie Nor ever again." He started to shake and cry loudly. "I miss Ellie Nor a whole lot! I wished I could see her. I bet she would still remember how we maked love and she would still loved me again!"

"Thank you for telling me everything, Toby. You've been a huge help. The truth is that those boys...your friends...pushed you out of the treehouse. And Jack didn't want to get in trouble for hurting you, so he moved you to the lake because he knew you couldn't swim. They all thought you were dead."

"My friend, Jackie Nibble killed me?" He looked confused. Maybe angry. "I don't think my friends meaned to hurt me. I think it was an accident. I think they didn't meaned to push me out."

"They..." I couldn't bring myself to tell him that they meant it. "Didn't they tell you to leave the club?"

"I think that's because since Gabe and Ellie Nor were supposted to get married. But me and Ellie Nor maked love, so she loved me instead of Gabe. And I think they didn't wanted me to marry Ellie Nor because they liked Gabe, because Gabe was the best one and the boss of the whole entire club."

"Oh. You're probably right," I mumbled.

He looked sadly at his lap, then his face lit up."Now can I see Ellie Nor? Please?" He was smiling hopefully. I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment and swallowed before opening them, still unable to look him in the eyes. I was a horrible, horrible person.

"Toby, the thing is... You can't see Eleanor because she's dead."

"What?! She's dead? How?" His face turned white and his eyes widened in horror, quickly filling up. "Wait a minute!" He scowled. "Are you joking me? You're just joking, aren't you? Well that's not very funny, meanie!"

It was so odd, being called a meanie by a man who was old enough to be my grandfather. Just as I was about to answer, the front door opened and a woman, probably close to my mother's age - mid-sixtyish - walked in. "Brad, I'm home!" she called through the house. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw me.

"Who are you?" she demanded.

"This is Ian, my new friend," Toby said.

"Shut up. I didn't ask you." She turned back to me. "I said, who are you?"

"I'm Ian Smith," I told her.

"What are you doing here?"

"I was just talking to...to Brad."

"Brad, you wait right here for a minute. I'm going to talk to Ian outside."

I stepped onto the porch with her.

"Who the hell do you think you are?!"

"I'm a friend of your... Wait, how do you know him anyway?"

"Brad is my uncle."

"Uncle? He has siblings?"

"Just one. A sister. I take care of Brad because he has trouble taking care of himself. As you may have noticed, he has the mind of a child, and the same capability. I don't want anyone coming in and taking advantage of him."

"I'm not taking advantage of him, I promise you. I just needed to talk to him about something."

"What something?"

"His real name is Toby Emerson." Her mouth dropped. "His father was not his real father. He was kidnapped. Brad was Andrew's real son, who died as a child. I know this is probably hard for you to believe, but I can-"

"I know that!" she yelled at the volume of a whisper.

"You know?"

"Yes, I know that, but how the f**k do you know that?"

"I..." I sighed. "It's a long story."

"I'm listening."

I had to make a split-second decision. Do I lie or do I tell the truth? I chose lie.