Expectations

He had a collection of medical books a mile long

Each one he had read

Memorized every term

He was the best in his profession

Curing thousands of patients from the time he had first entered the field

He was Arthur Wickit

A prodigy from the time he was young

His father had been a world-renowned physician

Sent him to all of the top boarding and prep schools

Where he had excelled in math, English, chemistry, biology

By age 15 he was an expert on the cell

It was as if God made him simply to excel

By the time he was 20 had his master’s degree from two Ivy League schools

Summa Kum Laude

Valedictorian

It had all been expected from the time he was young

“Arthur” his father would tell him

“You are a Wicket”

“That means that you are expected to great things”

“I expect no less from a son of mine”

“I want you to become a star and shine”

“Nobody should be able to contain your brightness”

“And they will be able to be seen from different galaxies”

“Watching your every move”

“Saying that you are your father’s son”

“And the money will pour in like you can’t imagine”

In time he would accomplish all of these things

Becoming a savant in the medical field

Yet every day he would close his eyes

Wondering why fulfillment never opened its doors  

 

 

Reviews

[dw817]

⊰ℛℛ⊱
Just now getting around to this Reader Request.

If this is a story, may I suggest you not center it vertically and instead left-justify it, using a double CR-break for every 3-4 lines or when someone speaks. Would make it easier to read.

Curiously enough, while I am not a Wicket, I am a Wicker. Am I to expect great things as well ? :)

[Mike Cole]

If you keep posting helpful reviews like this one I would expect so

[dw817]

Well if you want me to do it for you, just lemme know. I know sometimes the Writer's Cafe editor can be a bit tricky to figure out. Some of us are born writers, others like me can be sorta efficiency experts, and perhaps are not so strong in the writing department. Yet - we can all help each other. :)

[Mike Cole]

Please do I would love some constructive criticism

[dw817]

Well, here is some tabulation anyways, this should help a bit. I also added some periods and commas where they seemed to be needed,

He had a collection of medical books a mile long. Each one he had read. Memorized every term. He was the best in his profession. Curing thousands of patients from the time he had first entered the field.

He was Arthur Wickit

A prodigy from the time he was young. His father had been a world-renowned physician. Sent him to all of the top boarding and prep schools. Where he had excelled in math, English, chemistry, biology.

By age 15 he was an expert on the cell. It was as if God made him simply to excel. By the time he was 20 had his master’s degree from two Ivy League schools, "Summa Kum Laude," and, "Valedictorian."

It had all been expected from the time he was young. "Arthur" his father would tell him, "You are a Wicket. That means that you are expected to great things. I expect no less from a son of mine. I want you to become a star and shine."

"Nobody should be able to contain your brightness. And they will be able to be seen from different galaxies. Watching your every move. Saying that you are your father’s son. And the money will pour in like you can’t imagine."

In time he would accomplish all of these things. Becoming a savant in the medical field. Yet every day he would close his eyes. Wondering why fulfillment never opened its doors.

OKay, first thing I noticed while re-tabulating this, your sentences are way too small. For instance, the top could be broken down to a single sentence I believe,

He was Arthur Wickit, a prodigy from the time he was young. His father had been a world-renowned physician and sent him to all of the top boarding and prep schools where he had excelled in math, English, chemistry, and biology.

He had a collection of medical books a mile long and each one of them he had already read. He had memorized every term and was clearly the best in his profession for this. He also cured thousands of patients from the time he had first entered the medical field.

Always try and write your stories as past-tense, as if they happened. Instead of,

"Curing thousands of patients from the time he had first entered the field."

to

"He also cured thousands of patients from the time he had first entered the medical field."

I don't know if you are reading too many stories. Most novels follow this fashion of past-tense, periods, sentences that use the "and" to link two short sentences together, and additional descriptors. Try never to repeat the same word in the same sentence, especially adverbs, or descriptors, and if you can, avoid repeats in full paragraphs as well.