Slippers On Concrete

The shuffling of slippers on concrete

She stays awake nights can't sleep

The insomniac stuck in

An infinite loop

Can I get a cigarette

Sorry I don't smoke

Can I get a cigarette

Sorry I don't smoke

But she has little memory it seems

Short or far-reaching into the past

She doesn't press any buttons

And gets off on random floors

Just wandering

Ever wandering

Trying to remember what she was doing

She used to live in my building

Now she lives in a building near where I work

Maybe she found what she was looking for

With headphones on

The shuffling of slippers on concrete

Maybe the music triggers something

To jog her memory

It's hard to fathom

Forgetting where you're walking

Then trying to piece it together

But the jigsaw has important gaps

Reviews

[BL]

Sleeplessness and partial memory loss being the two main characteristics of this person paint a disturbing view, if only brief. Although there is nothing 'concrete' in this personality profile poem I keep thinking of a disturbed mind to the point of madness. You have given just enough away to intrigue the reader and get them wanting more.

[Luke L]

thank you, I think :)

[charlie]

Somehow you managed to capture the grey, dull concrete and have it effectively permeate the whole poem. That is well done. And (to me) there is a little eeriness, a sub-pacific tragedy tinging the mood, backlighting the poem; complete with insects starving for it...

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

It's interesting to observe people and what is around us. Wondering what they are thinking about. Nice write.

[Prritiy]

a thoughtful poem shows how you care for the people around as you observe them deeply.

best wishes

[Meliss@k]

Very different, mysterious in a way that the imagination can't help but wonder what "she" is searching for.

[Luke L]

thank you very much Melissa. Have you been away for a while or something?

[Meliss@k]

Yes I have. I grew a little tired of reading the same stuff in writerscafe, but finally decided to see what "new" poetry was being introduced and also wrote another poem today. :) quite a productive day for me with "writerscafe".

[Luke L]

awesome good stuff

[CriticalxxAngel]

I really enjoyed it I think it has a way deeper meaning since it's from a personal experience. I liked the way it was written and how it flowed.

[Luke L]

thank you very much :)

[Not Your Typical New Yo..]

As I was reading this, I feel like it was more a song than a poem, which is a good thing.

[Luke L]

cool man, thanks

[Jessica]

This poem is quite amazing. I could picture things as I was reading your work. It's something I really enjoyed. Keep up the good writing :)

[Luke L]

thank you, Jessica.

[Melobldnfr]

I feel this is so significant. 'Thoughtful' and 'insightful' would be an understatement. PENETRATING INSIGHT. I feel THAT may do it justice.

[Luke L]

well it was writing about a real person I knew, so I think it strikes a chord

[Pryde Foltz]

The tragedy of getting lost in ones own mind. A very heartrending write. I especially liked the cigarette refrain. On a personal note, it is funny that she has found you twice. In her incoherence, there is something of meaning for you, I think. But then maybe it was this poem. :)

[Luke L]

ya maybe, I think she might be representative of a fear of being alone when I'm old and sick or something I don't know... really she was just an interesting character to me, so I thought I'd write about her

[Pryde Foltz]

It was a wonderful write.

[Luke L]

thank you :)