My Past

My Past

A Chapter by Nix is typing...
"

This combines a lot of material from my previous works, like My Trauma, Society's Rules, and Therapy session, with some new material, too. I hope y'all like!

"

Typing up all this s**t from my past

Made me realize

That I was traumatized

Yeah, I had a rough past

And I envy those who haven’t

I’ve done stupid s**t

That I honestly wish I hadn’t


Brainwashed as a child to think things I shouldn’t

To not care when a person touches me

Wished I could say words that I couldn’t

Wished to speak up when I was uncomfortable

Wished that I brought more to the table


Waiting for my demise

Waiting for a surprise 

Hoping that one day

I won’t have to wait

Oversized hoodie on

Better watch my weight


Don’t forget about love, now

Don’t forget to keep the silence

Oh, wait,

I grew outta that, 

Now, it’s time for some violence!

Rise up against the hate

Against the people who hurt me

Fend for others having to do

All the same s**t I had to go through


Don’t remember much from before I turned twelve

Sorry, got hit by a car, not much on to dwell

Got a concussion

Lost so many thoughts

Still, remember what that man did to me

Lucifer, in Hell, I hope he rots


I was only nine years old!

S**t, man, I was just a little kid!

I didn’t know what was happening!

When he did what he did!

That man murdered my innocence!

God, that’s just SICK!

Wish I could get payback an’ cut off his - 

*Shakes head in frustration*

I didn’t ask for it to happen

I didn’t ask to be hurt

Sure, he didn’t bruise me,

But I wear what he did like a scar

He kept doing things to me

Even after I was hit by a car


I try not to write about s**t like this

It’s honestly hard to put down

Brings back memories that I try to drown

But it’s my past 

It’s my trauma

Mom and Dad always wondered why I got in so much drama


I never said a word

They didn’t know a thing ‘bout my life

Until the principal called one day, 

Got caught in a cloud of vape

It was my boyfriend’s!

It wasn’t mine!”

“You had a boyfriend, and you didn’t tell us this whole time?”

Oops, guess some things just tend to slip my mind


I knew they’d break us up, if they ever found out

So, of course, ‘bout it, I shut my mouth

My word hole’s not a fountain, from it, words don’t need to spout

But my poem’s are my blood

They help me grow and sprout

You cut open my soul

And finally I bled

Out came my poems

And I still can’t clear my head…



© 2021 Nix is typing...


Author's Note

Nix is typing...
Let me know how y'all feel about this one! :)

My Review

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Featured Review

Now this is imagery! I appreciate the brutal honesty. And I sympathize with the terrible things you've been through as described in these poems.

Not that I'm being insensitive -- maybe not this poem in particular if you're not yet comfortable with it, but have you ever performed any of your works? It has a very spoken word vibe.

Keep writing! Keep getting healed.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nix is typing...

3 Years Ago

I've never read in front of people, I have huge stage fright and I don't think people would like the.. read more
Oydrin

3 Years Ago

I see. Anyway, here's to more honest poems. I support you in sharing your experiences to assure peop.. read more
Nix is typing...

3 Years Ago

Thank you for your support!! ❤️



Reviews

Thus you realize how much people in this world totally suck. But maybe that won't deter you from wanting to be just like them...

But as you can see, people in this world do, in fact, suck, and always will. That is why I walk among society, not with them. But you can't be like me.

Posted 3 Years Ago


There are many life details in your story that will be relatable by many. I was abused in my childhood & when I write about it, it's sad how many people speak up & say they were also abused. First & foremost, I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm sorry to say you will probably carry the scars all your life, as I still do, at age 64. You are obviously a strong person & you're going to fight your way thru whatever issues this has planted in your life. The way you write about the tough stuff reveals an irresistible combination of fighting spirit & warm compassion within you. I love that you're not raging like I was for so many years. Here's wishing you an ever-buoyant spirit as you throw down your truths & see what various readers respond with! Very brave & honest writing! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 3 Years Ago


Nix is typing...

3 Years Ago

I'm so sorry you were abused in your childhood, too, Miss Margie!! I figured I was going to have to .. read more
Agree with Oydrin, Nix - this is strong powerful up front out there Spoken Word material, of the type that Poetry Slam audiences will totally relate to.

Posted 3 Years Ago


Nix is typing...

3 Years Ago

Well, I'm seventeen and living with my parents right now, maybe when I move out and am on my own, I'.. read more
red93

3 Years Ago

I understand. But public performance is like riding a bike, and once you get used to speaking your W.. read more
Nix is typing...

3 Years Ago

I'll definitely keep that in mind, Red. :)
today is a new day,the first day of forever,the past is just that,move on life is waiting

Posted 3 Years Ago


Nix is typing...

3 Years Ago

Thanks for your review, Wordman :)
 wordman

3 Years Ago

you`re welcome
Keep writing that is so sad that you had to go through that.sounds like you’ve been through hell.

Posted 3 Years Ago


Nix is typing...

3 Years Ago

Yeah, I've been to hell and back, now I just vacation there. 😆 Thanks for your review, Genocide!!.. read more
Now this is imagery! I appreciate the brutal honesty. And I sympathize with the terrible things you've been through as described in these poems.

Not that I'm being insensitive -- maybe not this poem in particular if you're not yet comfortable with it, but have you ever performed any of your works? It has a very spoken word vibe.

Keep writing! Keep getting healed.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nix is typing...

3 Years Ago

I've never read in front of people, I have huge stage fright and I don't think people would like the.. read more
Oydrin

3 Years Ago

I see. Anyway, here's to more honest poems. I support you in sharing your experiences to assure peop.. read more
Nix is typing...

3 Years Ago

Thank you for your support!! ❤️
Emotional read, very well expressed

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nix is typing...

3 Years Ago

Thank you, Kim! Reading your things, I know you've been through things, too, and I'm sorry you had t.. read more
Hard to comment, I read this, it moved me.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nix is typing...

3 Years Ago

As I've said before T.S., I love your reviews, whether wordy or... not so wordy! I'm glad my poem mo.. read more
Writing is one of the best forms of coping and therapy.
You've been through a lot, and putting it down on paper and getting it out of your system is the best way to slowly integrate these experiences into your psyche.

Anyway, you already know that, so just wanted to say, "Write on!"

Posted 3 Years Ago


Nix is typing...

3 Years Ago

Lol, thanks! I've written a lot of stuff about my past, it's really helped me figure some things out.. read more
This helps to put more context on the other poems. You could put them all into a collection and make a book.

Posted 3 Years Ago


Nix is typing...

3 Years Ago

Thanks for your review!! I'm glad this helped clear things up for you :)

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Compartment 114
Compartment 114
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10 Reviews
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Added on January 16, 2021
Last Updated on April 27, 2021


Author

Nix is typing...
Nix is typing...

Athens, GA



About
Uh, what can I say? Hi! I'm Phoenix (Nix) 🔥 Most of my poems are in my books :) except for Phoenix Parker, that's a book I wrote last year. Most of my writing is poetry, I'm always o.. more..

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