Two of a Kind ch 2

Lynda needs help. Will Kevin be able to help her, or is he a trap?

 

~Lynda~

I can't believe that just happened, but the evidence is clear. The man stands staring disbelievingly at the coffee dripping from his neck and to his black leather jacket. When I fell and created this mess it looked like he was caught between wanting to catch me and wanting to step out of the way. He wasn't quick enough.

 

“Oh, God.” he gasps, “That’s cold!” He grabs a napkin from a nearby table and starts to wipe down his shirt, all the while grimacing. My ice coffee was certainly an eye opener for him.

 

I can only stare wide-eyed and squeak out something that is meant to sound like, "I'm so sorry." I sound more like a chipmunk than like a grown woman. Setting my cup on the table, I remove more napkins from the dispenser and hand them to him. I'm not staying here a moment longer. People are starting to stare. I turn for the door again, but then he starts talking to me.

 

“What’s your hurry?" He asks surprisingly.

I finally take a moment to see the man in question. He is about thirty years old. He seems kind, handsome, has dark features, a masculine face, and looks like he could star in a major motion picture.  And he’s nice!

An uncomfortable silence begins. Why do I have to look at him? No, I should stop, staring is not polite. Besides, I can't concentrate when I know he's looking at me.  Why isn’t he mad at me?

Dropping my gaze, I explain, "I, um. There's - there's no hurry. I just...there's this, uh, thing, important thing. I um, have to go...to." Yeah, great lie Lynda, great lie. Does he buy it? I look up. He's smiling; he doesn't believe me. I can't take it! So in one big burst I blurt out, "I would buy you a new leather coat, but I can't, I'm broke, my bank account has zero dollars in it, I have no money, and I'm this close to being one of those pathetic homeless people who live in jail because they have no place else to go, but I can't go to jail, I just can't!"

“Don’t worry about the coat. I’m not. It’s fine, just a little liquid. What’s your name?” After a moment of awkward silence he says with a grin, “My name is Kevin. I’m a computer programmer and pleased to meet you.”

He is so calm about it. I thought people in big cities were supposed to be mean and scary. This is refreshing. "I'm, uh..." Do I give a real name or a fake one? A real one would be easier for me to remember. "Lyd - " Wait, he can actually be an undercover cop for all I know! "Brittany," I finish.

"Lyd-brittany?" he asks with a smile.

I laugh. It comes out more nervous sounding than intended. "Yeah. Lyd-brittany. My mom wanted Lydia, my dad wanted Brittany. So they came up with the most ridiculous compromise ever. Funny story, huh?" I laugh again. I sound like a dork - I need to stop laughing. Clearing my throat, I say, "Please, just call me Liddy."

 

 

~Kevin~

“Liddy, you look like you need a ride somewhere. True?” I can’t help but be intrigued by this pretty, needy, albeit distraught young lady.

"Uh yeah, actually. How did you know?"

I can tell she needs a ride since her shoes are wet, she looks tired, and I have been watching her since she walked in and I didn’t see her park a car.  This is my first day off in several weeks and I really don’t have any plans for the day anyway.

“Do you trust strangers?” I ask.  This banter is kind of fun.

"I guess now would be a good time to start since I’m kind of needy right now." she replies, a coy grin creeps across her smooth, thin lips. Her voice is quiet when she asks, "You're not a cop are you?"

 

Reviews

[kylie]

Just a thought, you do not have to do this, but your sentence: "My ice coffee was certainly an eye opener for him!" maybe take out the exclamation point and replace it with an old common period. Too many "!" can make a reader feel contained in the author's control. To give the reader more freedom to decide for themselves will open up the readers mind without them feeling like the emotion has to be so specific. You convey the emotion perfectly well with the words, so let the reader do the rest:) But a few "!" here and there are great too!


BUT within the dialect of the characters, don't change that. Put as many as you want because THAT is when the author should have total control over conveying the exact emotion of the character.

[Barbara Walker]

In the last paragraph, you suddenly change POV. It has been first person up til then. In that sentence you wrote "she replies". Still, a fast paced chapter, keeping me wanting more!