Monday

Monday

A Chapter by PyroKitty24
"

Less than a week before the wedding, Anju knows she needs to do something about the man haunting her dreams. The only way she can do this is to learn more about the war that started the whole thing.

"

Anju nonchalantly walked toward the exit of the Army Work Camp. She found herself in the middle of a large crowd of both Atokan soldiers and Ithacan prisoners. The camp around her was in flames and dark smoke jutted high into the sky. Her work here was done, now she just had to get home to her family and make sure they were safe. She was lost in her thoughts and deeds when she was suddenly tackled and forced onto the ground. She felt a weight on her back, and suddenly her head was yanked up by the hair and beaten against the ground multiple times. She felt mud ooze into her mouth, and when the beating stopped she spit it out in disgust. But suddenly there was a knife up against her throat. She heard her attacker growl in a deep voice, “You damn traitor! Who the hell are you?”

Anju recognized the person’s voice. It was General Spoorn. The man in charge of the camp. The man who had taken her children from her. She couldn’t forgive him for this. He would pay. But at her own pace.

“Me?” she repeated, “I’m just an Atokan citizen who actually has the guts to go against the government.”

Spoorn obviously didn’t like that answer. She heard him screech, “You’ll die for this!” and she felt the knife enter her throat. She wasn’t afraid of dying. Not anymore. She felt like she did the right thing.

 


Anju shook her silver hair a few times before wrapping it in a towel to get it dry. She rubbed her hair against the towel, then threw it over the side of the tub and moved over to the sink to brush her hair. She stared at herself in the mirror for a moment before parting her short hair. She used to wear it long, but when she ran away from home at sixteen she cut it all off. Now it was barely to her shoulders. Her family had been so disappointed in her, but she didn’t care. She liked it this way. Now that she was twenty-two, she still wore it short. In fact, she was thinking about dying it black, but she didn’t want her fiancé to be upset at her a week before the wedding. No, now it was less than a week. It was Monday morning, and the wedding was on Sunday. She was nervous, especially since her mother, father, and brother all hated Lance. Actually, most of her family hated Lance. She couldn’t blame them after his bloody past. Anju was proud of him though. He had tried so hard to overcome the abuse and neglect of his childhood, and for what he went through, Anju thought he was doing a pretty good job.


When she was done brushing her hair, she stared at herself in the mirror to make sure it looked alright. She wasn’t one of those girls that were obsessive over their looks, but of course, she still liked to look good. She blinked her silver eyes and ran a hand through her straight hair. She looked exactly like her mother, but with shorter hair. She remembered when she was little and absolutely adored her parents. She hadn’t understood that her mother had given everything to her father just to end up being ignored. She loved them both unconditionally just like any child would. She also adored her twin brother, Kyo, even if he was mentally disabled. At the time, she hadn’t even known what that meant. She wished everything could go back to when she was a clueless and adorable child.


“Anju! Tyki has to go to the bathroom! Are you almost done?” came a voice from the hallway. Anju opened the door to see Mayella holding Tyki’s hand. Tyki had a pathetic look on his face as he danced from leg to leg, trying to refrain from wetting himself.


Anju felt bad for the poor boy, and she stepped aside to let the two children through. She left the bathroom and closed the door behind her so Tyki could have his privacy. She walked down the hallway and into the living room, pausing to look around the room. She smiled and waved at Haku, Lance’s second oldest child and oldest son, who was sitting in the corner reading a book. He ignored her.


Anju could have expected as much. Haku looked just like his father with blond hair and blue eyes. He acted like his mother though. He was independent, rude, and sarcastic. Anju thought he was a good kid, like Lance was really a good guy once you got to know him. He was pretty smart too and was always reading a book. She knew that Lance was proud of him for that too, even if the two of them didn’t seem to get along.


Anju walked into the kitchen and was surprised to see someone besides Lance there.


“Odysseus?” she asked, “What are you doing here?”


She walked up and hugged the short, silver haired man, almost knocking his glasses off of his face. She was careful not to hit Xin, Lance’s youngest child that Odysseus was holding in his arms.


Odysseus, often called Od by people who actually appreciated him, was the oldest immortal Anju knew. She was aware that Odysseus’ earliest memory was in the time of the Ancient Greeks, but he couldn’t recall anything before that. She hadn’t known Odysseus when he had been a cruel hearted person, but she had heard stories from Lance, whom was roughly 85 years old. Lance had known Odysseus for quite a while, because it was Od who had brought his father back when he died in World War II. Od had also taught Grand how to harness immortality, so he was able to bring Lance back to life when he died 66 years ago. Od had to move into Grand’s house when he lost his memories through some sort of unknown accident years before. He tended to be out of the house most of the time, now, trying to establish his career as a doctor to fit into the normal world.


“I’m checking up on Xin,” Odysseus replied with a smile, “and I guess watching the kids too. Lance went out to look for a job earlier. He left after I got here.”


“Oh. How is Xin?” Anju asked. Lance’s first wife, Emmy, had died giving birth to Xin. They had lived in Ithaca, a near-by island nation, and had to flee to Atoka and live with Lance’s father when a severe government change transformed the once monarchial government of Ithaca into a communist government. Emmy had been injured during the takeover and the birth of Xin reopened her wounds and caused her to die. Anju knew Odysseus had felt terrible that he couldn’t save Emmy, so he did everything he could now to make sure Xin would be healthy and safe.


“She’s getting bigger! She seems to have a hard time breathing though…” Odysseus told Anju.


Xin looked just like her mother with silver eyes and little bits of silver hair starting to show. She was a quiet baby because her mother was pregnant with her when she was injured, which caused a few damages to Xin as well. The birth worsened Xin’s conditions and no one thought she would live past the first night. She would be one soon, and Anju was proud that she had managed to even get a little bigger this past year. She knew Odysseus and Lance were proud too.


Anju got a small bowl of cereal and sat down at the table across from Odysseus. She took a bite of her cereal and almost spit it out when she spotted yesterday’s newspaper open to the obituaries. She had forgotten all about that. She almost reached over and threw it away, but instead she handed it toward Odysseus. He looked confused, but pushed his glasses up onto his face and took the paper with his free hand. He read it over and set it back down on the table. He fixed Anju with a confused look.


“Do you remember him?” Anju asked.


“Huh? Of course I do!” Odysseus replied, “You brought him here after he died and asked me to make him immortal. Wasn’t that a few months ago? And they just now have his obituary in the paper? Ah, well I guess he was a General in the Army. They’ve been rather busy these days now that they’ve taken over Ithaca as a protectorate.”


“Yeah.” Anju agreed, staring at the newspaper. She had so many things running through her mind that she wasn’t sure what to focus on. She tried to eat her cereal, but she found she didn’t have the stomach for it anymore. She picked it up and placed it in the sink, hating to waste food but knowing she wouldn’t be able to eat it anytime soon. She went to leave the room but paused next to the doorway and turned around.


“Hey Od?” she asked the older immortal, “What do you know about Ithaca before the war?”


The silver haired man looked taken aback by the question, but he quickly recovered and answered her question.


“Not much. They’re a small country and a pretty nice tourist attraction because of the beaches. But besides that Ithaca kind of kept to themselves. I know a while ago, maybe around the time Lance was born, Atoka had violently destroyed their military. It was building up and they had felt threatened, even though Ithaca had made no move to attack them. Ever since then they’ve been kind of…undefended I suppose. They had a hard time rebuilding themselves after Atoka attacked them, and they never built up another military in fear of another attack. Hm. Ironic.”


“That’s it?”


“Yup. If you want to know more, Grand could probably tell you. I think he’s in his study. Not that I’d bother him there, though.”


“Ah, alright. Thanks Od!”


Anju flashed the man a smile and then walked into the other room. This time she noticed Soren laying on the couch taking a little nap. Anju laughed when she saw him, but decided he looked too sweet to disturb. She didn’t know what to do until Grand got out of his study. She was fully aware, as was everyone else in the house, that Grand liked his privacy. He got upset whenever anyone entered his study. But after about ten minutes of flipping through the channels and barely getting any reception, Anju decided to ‘man up’. She turned the T.V. off and put the remote back down on the couch, careful not to wake her son up. She headed down the hallway and stopped in front of the study door. Rather than knocking, she just opened the door and barged in.


She saw Grand was sitting at a desk on the far side of the study. Books were loitered around the room as well as placed neatly into bookshelves. The room was pretty nice and by far the largest room in the house. It was a little dusty, and one could easily tell what books Grand hadn’t looked at for a long time. Anju was tempted to take a book off the shelf and flip through it to see what kind of books Grand was interested in, but she remembered why she was there when the man turned around in his chair.


Grand looked a lot like Lance, except that the man had silver hair and silver eyes. He had the same look on his face as Lance wore though. He looked as if he could explode at any moment.


“Ah, Grand!” Anju said happily, refusing to show fear, “I have a question for you!”


Grand narrowed his eyes at her, wrinkling his young, twenty-one year old face.


“What?” he asked irritably. Anju took this as her sign to move closer to him, and she sat down right on the corner of his desk. She heard Grand grumble, but he didn’t outright protest. Even if he had, Anju probably wouldn’t have moved.


“What do you know about Ithaca? More specifically, Ithaca and Atoka’s relationship.” Anju asked.


Grand looked as if he was about to question her, but instead he stood up. He walked over to a bookshelf, blew some dust off of it, and then grabbed a book. He wiped the dust off the front cover before opening it up and flipping through it. He walked back to Anju and handed it out to her.


“This should answer whatever question you have.” Grand grunted before sitting back down in his chair and returning to the book he was reading.


Anju took the book and looked at the cover. A Full Tale of Ithaca. Well that sounded like a good read. Anju opened it up and looked at the Table of Contents. She saw that there was a part on relations with foreign countries, and Atoka was one of the countries.


“Thanks Grand! I’ll get this back sooner or later! Maybe!” Anju exclaimed before running out of the study. She had a lot of reading to do.



© 2011 PyroKitty24


Author's Note

PyroKitty24
I wrote this story, but I wrote it for my friend Tiny. Credits for Anju, Haku, Emmy, Odysseus, Xin, and Grand go to her.

Warnings in this chapter, honestly, just talk about war, death, and hatred. KIDDING. Reading through this again, I suppose there's some cussing (thanks to Spoorn) and death. Whoops. Should have caught that.

My Review

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Featured Review

I didn't realize Anju was so young! 22 with a few kids, and a finance! Now I can see more vividly her struggle with Meyella (they can't be that far apart in age, though correct me if I'm wrong). It seems like she has had to deal with a lit of physiological stress factors in her life (Lance, her brother, her parents), making it pretty amazing that she still has her wits. After than, I wonder what Lance went through a child!

I really like how the web if immortally keeps weaving tighter and tighter. By nature, I thought Lance to be middle aged, maybe in his later thirties, early forties and was surprised he had so many children. Turns out he's 85, and Od even older. They aren't jarring or disrupting surprises, rather fascinating, making me want to find out more. Though Grand is isolated and seemingly nonexistent this far he strikes me as very hospitable, having taken so many into his home. Though, his interactions with Anju seem to betray this thought. I have a feeling that he's going to be a very layered character.

other suggestions:
-"Anju shook her silver hair a few times before wrapping it in a towel to get it dry. She rubbed her hair against the towel, then threw the towel over the side of the tub and moved over to the sink to brush her hair." These two sentences are fine, other than the word 'towel' is used three times. It's a little repetitive. I think the third instance could be replaced by 'it' and be fine (since we already know it's a towel).

-"There were tons of books loitered around the room" This is totally an personal opinion, but this read a little awkwardly for me. I would either say 'tons of books loitered' or 'were loitering'

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

You describe her hair too much. Also you have many details that are either not needed or need restating. Also same as last time – careful with the repetitions.

“She was a quiet baby because her mother was pregnant with her when she was injured, which caused a few damages to Xin as well.” Narrative repetition. You already said she was injured earlier, you should either add this there or moderate the information input. Also I’m not really sure damage is a countable noun.

Overall it’s definitely better but still needs more work. I know it’s important to present and establish your world but the exposition just become too much. I’d suggest to research ways to fix that. The best I can offer is – read. It doesn’t have to be fantasy, just pick up any good classical book and read. If you want something modern I suggest Percy Jackson, and before you runaway screaming remembering the awful movie (provided you have watched it) let me say the books are much better. It’s far from a masterpiece but I find it a good light read for beginner fantasy writer. I know there are probably many better suggestions out there so just pick any and read, it will not only help you with exposition moderation but also with clearing your style and improving your flow faster.

Anyways, keep up the good work.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I got some taste of mystery. I am really interested to know what Anju finds in that book. I've started liking Anju. :D It seemed to me she struggled a lot and a quite interesting character. I am going to read the next chapters soon. :)

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I didn't realize Anju was so young! 22 with a few kids, and a finance! Now I can see more vividly her struggle with Meyella (they can't be that far apart in age, though correct me if I'm wrong). It seems like she has had to deal with a lit of physiological stress factors in her life (Lance, her brother, her parents), making it pretty amazing that she still has her wits. After than, I wonder what Lance went through a child!

I really like how the web if immortally keeps weaving tighter and tighter. By nature, I thought Lance to be middle aged, maybe in his later thirties, early forties and was surprised he had so many children. Turns out he's 85, and Od even older. They aren't jarring or disrupting surprises, rather fascinating, making me want to find out more. Though Grand is isolated and seemingly nonexistent this far he strikes me as very hospitable, having taken so many into his home. Though, his interactions with Anju seem to betray this thought. I have a feeling that he's going to be a very layered character.

other suggestions:
-"Anju shook her silver hair a few times before wrapping it in a towel to get it dry. She rubbed her hair against the towel, then threw the towel over the side of the tub and moved over to the sink to brush her hair." These two sentences are fine, other than the word 'towel' is used three times. It's a little repetitive. I think the third instance could be replaced by 'it' and be fine (since we already know it's a towel).

-"There were tons of books loitered around the room" This is totally an personal opinion, but this read a little awkwardly for me. I would either say 'tons of books loitered' or 'were loitering'

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

See, I told you I'd read your stuff soon. This is really good. I really enjoyed reading it, but I see that you like to use the same names a lot, but it's awesome, because they're different, and very interesting name.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I found this chapter very interesting and not at all hard to read. I think it carries your storyline along very nicely. You're developing Anju very nicely as your main character.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I enjoyed this second chapter. You're doing a excellent job on this story/book.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Excellent continuation of the story. I found this chapter just as strong and interesting as the first.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Very interestig. I am liking it quite a bit.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on June 8, 2011
Last Updated on July 18, 2011
Tags: If Everyone Cared, Immortality


Author

PyroKitty24
PyroKitty24

Toledo, OH



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