Extracting the Urine [Trouble]

so when

do the obligations of friendship -

those duties

I’ve never minded -

spill over

the cup half-full,

flooding the one-way street,

into taking the piss

 

and when does

‘accommodating’

equate ‘weak’?

 

how far can we test

the elasticity

of unconditional love?

 

surely an infinite amount

or else ‘tis a false name,

they cry

 

and unfortunately for me,

I agree

 

if it snaps

that’s a take-back

and friends

don’t reverse their word

 

pinkie-swear

 

so I’m doomed, screwed

by your shrewd

calculations

re: my giving nature

 

I put Alanis

on that mixed tape,

the anniversary when

you bought me the ring,

 

and what she sings

still goes

 

are you still listening

to either of us

 

or are you laughing

your head off

at my ‘weakness’

 

[you]?

 

Author's Note

Anybody catch the pun within the title [urine/you're in] - or does it not work?

Reviews

[mick weller]

er, sleep on it ... is all I can offer on the title (it used to be used a lot by your proverbial Sgt Major?)
it doesn't do the piece justice imo...
elasticity suggests a breaking point
though unconditional doesn't... argh the turmoil
'the one-way street' - neat
though while friends don't reverse their words, they do in time come to wonder just why they said them in the first place, don' 'ey?

[zig]

great stuff... your voice is so strong, i feel it over-taking me when i read it... thats the power. i didnt get the pun in the title, but then maybe its a brit thing, which is cool, all the same i liked the title, keep it.

zig

[Butterflymom]

The urine analogy is very interesting, and I found it to be quiet creative and original! I enjoyed this piece and reread it a couple of times.

[Hedra Helix]

Bad a*s, reminds me of the quality from the old days, {haha yeah, I said old days, shoot me;)} when stuff here was based straight on inspiration, when pieces spoke so loud they stood out and were.

I like, because of the intelligence leading the flow. I can hear your thoughts clearly, not because they're simple but cos they're familiar, identifiable, well measured even in pain even in confusion.
I got it Btw! The urine, you're in ;) Neat-o.

Which leads me to say, F**k, sorry I don't come read you more. Every time I do I feel silly for not. I'm scattered, but you have stuff, mad amounts of energy and stuffffff.

I get your brain youz. Espec this:

so I�m doomed, screwed
by your shrewd
calculations
re: my giving nature

Shoot. I'm still waiting for the person I can give to who lets me be graceful in doing so for the long run. Rarest of buggers.

[Nik Dendera]

No, the title works, but only if you're familiar with the original saying-it is, after all, a very British phrase.

But a great piece. Nicely done-very angry but smart angry, not 'I'll kill you, that's how cheesed I am' sort of thing...

Personally, I think this is up there with the best. Has your trademark edge. Good stuff.

[Emily B]

The words are strong-effective.

[I don't get the title--but then I haven't slept in two nights] I would wait for a second opinion on that one.