Balance

With the events of Iris Kelly directly behind them, Milliardo and Angel ponders the meaning of what being an adult actually means.

“Ah…I hate people.”

After leaving Iris Kelly’s home, the Angel and I entered the park once again, but rather than head straight back home, I decided to sit on the bench on that long stretch of a walkway at Iris Kelly’s side entrance into the park. Still upset over what just happened, I decided to briefly air my beliefs.

“I don’t believe you.” The Angel stood in front of me with her hands on her waist as she casually denounced me. “After all,” she said, “‘people don’t change,’ right?”

She’s grown quite fond of requiting me when she’s trying to make a point stick. “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” I said and added, “you’ve changed and so I have I. I get it, I do. It’s just that you went one and I went another…”

The Angel asked then, “Well, Milliardo, what do you want? Do you want to prove yourself right or wrong? Do you want to be a sharp dressed, slick tongued business man who is a slave to PR or do you want to fade even further into obscurity? Be honest with me.”

Surprising myself, the answer simply popped into my head shortly after being asked. It was just one word, “Balance.”

“I don’t want to be a worker drone for the next forty years just so I can say I’m not a loser.” I said. “But, I kind of feel these idle days can’t go on forever. Am I going to have to get a ‘real’ job someday? I just want a balance if there is one that can be found…”

“The Solemn of Dissonance.” Angel remarked. I didn’t know what that meant, so I didn’t ask about it.  

“So, what about you?”

“Me?”

“Yes, you. Don’t tell me being the ‘world’s greatest housewife’ is what really only want to achieve? I mean, what’s the point of even going to college then?”

“Certainly not to be an office lady.” said Angel. “I like that word, ‘balance.’ I suppose I just want that too. We’re not children anymore, but we don’t just suddenly wake up and we’re adults who know everything.”

“Then what is being an adult then? Is it just an age when someone else decides you should do everything right?”

“I don’t know.” said Angel honestly. “It’s one of things where everyone has a different answer for. I think it has something to do with responsibility. You don’t need to be a ‘worker drone’ to be a productive member of society. You just need to be responsible enough to…stand by what you say you’re going to do and accept whatever mistakes you make. That’s what an adult is to me.” After a pause she added, “The more responsible an adult is, the better off the next generation is going to be. Balance is what we all want to find in life.”

“…You still didn’t answer my first question about what you really want.” I wasn’t letting her get away with that not answering me seriously this time.

“Mmhmm…” The Angel smiled mysteriously. She raised her arm and pointed her finger at the sky…then pointed that finger at me. “Between the world and you, I choose you!”

“…Are you sure about that? That’s very sweet and all, but…”

“It’s not realistic?”

“No, I mean yes, but…what I mean is that what you really want and desire? I thought girls wanted to be given the world or something like that? I was expecting you to say something amazing like that.”

“Blegh!” Angel stuck out her tongue and made a bitter face as if she had drunk salty tea. She stepped up onto the bench and sat down next to me. “Give Jennifer or Iris or any other mobster’s girl the world; I’m fine with just having a place in it where I can sit next to you. You’re going to be older longer than you’re going to be younger so I say you should just have fun whenever you can and plan ahead when you need to. A year from now, maybe I’ll want more, but for now, I’m content with just having a seat next to you.”

I don’t know how much of that I’m ready to accept, but I nodded my head anyway and accepted her answer for what it is. Basically, she’s as confused as I am, huh? I guess the Angel doesn’t have all the answers or wisdom all of the time.

“As gray as the world is, I’d rather not be a bug in it just yet.” I decided while looking up at the sky. “I’m only nineteen after all.”

Angel looked at me quizzically, but smiled and nodded her head in agreement.