DROWNING IN YOUR SEA

Sometimes it just takes a look to kill you

The mighty waves would splash on me,

And pull me deep inside.

I was at mercy of the sea,

There was no place to hide.

 

While I was strolling by the shore,

The sea looked dark and deep,

And though my heart had wanted more,

I did no more than peep.

 

One look was all that it would take,

There was no time to think.

I could not move, I could not shake,

All I could do was sink.

 

I lost my life, I lost my soul,

Oh what a way to die?

But I have found my final goal,

And now at peace I lie.

 

I lost it on that fateful day,

It was the day I drowned.

And in your heart, they will all say,

Is where I will be found.

Reviews

[Anindita Janhabee]

Do you really know, what makes your poems so much touching... It's the words that you use along with so much of deep thoughts with rhymes. I really appreciate your way of writing poems and I hope one day I too will be able to write such beautiful ones... Recently I have read that a poet is not the one who thinks deeply but he is one who writes more beautifully than he thinks...
And your writing has proved this...
Keep in writing and I will keep appreciating...
If possible then please let me know some tips of making the writing better, in my case, where shall I improve... Both in poems and stories... I will be glad for your feedback. Thank you sir...
Anindita : )

[Shabeeh Haider]

Anindita, thank you for your lovely review. I like these lines:
" a poet is not the one who thinks deeply but he is one who writes more beautifully than he thinks.."
I am honored and would love to help you with your writings in any way possible.

[stargirl23]

Love the way this was written, and love the meaning the last line gives to the poem.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Adi, thank you for your words

[barleygirl]

Oh yeah, we all know this feeling! Whether we've been thru it ourselves, or if we know someone else who has . . . it's like the person becomes different, unreachable, submerged into some powerful love force . . . it separates the person from all the things that used to be in his/her life and that can never be a good thing. You've expressed all these feelings so well . . . the "drowning" analogy is so perfect for what you're saying here. I could almost feel the draw, as the narrator stood on the shore slowly falling.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Barleygirl, thank you for your review and input

[Lydia Shutter]

When you love someone so much, you live in their heart, they can hurt you like no other. They can say one word or give you one look and you just crumble. Beautifully written. LydI**

[Shabeeh Haider]

Lydia, thank you for your kind words. Yes, we can indeed be hurt by the words and actions of the one we love

[iamshadowine]

i loved it to no extend! brilliantly written!
keep writing :D

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you Shadowine for reading and reviewing

[Cobblestone Traveler]

I really connected with this. A beautiful, sorrowful piece.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Cobblestone, thank you

[William Liston]

Great work, Shabeeh. This was a fantastic poem with beautiful imagery and vivid descriptions, and as always, your skills in meter and rhyme gave this poem such a smooth feeling; it was a delight to read. I loved the order in which you've presented your ideas in this poem; it really helped to convey a sense of pain and hopelessness until finally, the last stanza reveals the irony of the piece, thus giving it a loving, light-hearted touch. Great work as always.

-William Liston

[Shabeeh Haider]

William, thank you for your very kind words

[Shannon]

This is rather beautiful. And the metaphor strongly implies a potential double meaning, which I enjoy, as well.

[Shabeeh Haider]

S. Mi. thank you for dropping by and reviewing my poem

[Akshita]

This poem is just wonderful!

[Shabeeh Haider]

Akshita, thank you so much

[Ananya]

Wonderful....I love love love it. I wish to be lost and to die this way.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you Ananya. I am glad you enjoyed it. I wish you the best.