Chapter Two

The journey begins. Joenek finds himself in the middle of an unexpected duel, and will soon discover that he might have a role to play in a quest.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Two

 

Darkness deeper than any natural night had swallowed the world. A brilliant, orange moon hung in the sky, but shed little light. Terrifying sounds accosted the ears of the fleeing prey -- piercing shrieks, guttural, snorting growls, and scraping thuds -- as a creature beyond imagining pursued the elf.

Joenek’s chest seemed to explode in pain; his heart pounding so hard that he felt it would burst. He could hear the panting of the yet unseen prowler; its sticky warm breath was felt everywhere the roth went. The terrified quarry ran in a frantic, maddened state through brush and trees that he could not see. Limbs clung to his clothes, and roots and rocks tripped him. The elvish male continued racing through the pitch-black woodland around him, stumbling and crawling and dashing as fast as his body would carry him.

Suddenly, Joenek stood in the middle of an opening, waist deep in some form of dark and murky liquid. The pond of fluid was almost perfectly round and reflected the orange glow of the moon above. An eerie half-light rose from the pool, casting its luminance into the forested landscape surrounding it. Still, Joenek could see nothing of what was pursuing him. A terrified scream was caught in his throat and sweat continued streaming into his eyes.

He noticed, then, that he held someone close. Joenek could not recall who the being was; he knew only that he must protect the life beside him. A quiet whimpering rose to his ears and the elf knew it was whoever he held in his arms. He tried to speak calming words of reassurance. Yet, the moment Joenek opened his mouth, the scream which had been caught in his throat burst forth. Tears now mingled with the sweat upon his face and his chest continued to tighten. The elf could hardly breathe and gasped for air.

The creature that had been following them was now at the edge of the tree line. A massive, lurking shadow paced with a fury, snarling and grunting. A pair of wicked, glowing eyes stared into Joenek, freezing him in place. Another shriek of fright threatened to erupt from his mouth. His gut was twisted in fear. The elf felt as though someone had grabbed his intestines and wrenched them to one side, giving them a good shake while attempting to pull them out of his body.

Joenek was still staring into the eyes of the evil being and saw the monster crouch. A low growl emanated from the creature, and then it leapt into the air.

 

*                       *                       *

 

Joenek awoke with a start, knocking a little clay jar off the shelf beside his bed. Thrice, now, this dream had haunted his sleep. A tingling sensation in the back of his head warned him that this was no ordinary dream. Joenek had been bestowed the Gift of foresight and occasionally dreamt of events which had yet to pass. The odd tingling that he felt told him the “dream” was, in fact, a vision of things to come.

But this vision was much different than any other he had yet experienced. It terrified him to his core. He awoke each time drenched in sweat and barely able to breathe.

The nightmare disturbed the tall elf, and he lay upon his bed, deep in thought. An anxious sigh left his lips as he thought of the evil beast which had been about to kill him.

What’s going to happen to me?

In frustration, he sat up and raked his fingers through his dark hair. Another sigh left his lungs in a huff and he moved to the edge of his bed. The distracted young elf let his feet dangle for a few short minutes before he finally left the hanging cot. He trudged to where his clothing was stored and pulled out garments suitable for walking about the town.

After dressing, Joenek moved back toward his bed and crouched beside it. He swept his arm beneath it until his hand brushed against a round object that was swathed in coarse fabric. After tying the mysterious item to his sword belt, he moved to the entrance of his small home. As he paused in the arch, the roth gazed at the town of La’el.

Joenek lived in what was known as the Mid-way Selth. La’el had been sectioned into three levels and five rings, much as if it was a city that had been built on a hill. The Understory Level was that nearest to the ground. The next level up was the Mid-way, and the Canopy Level was the final, located nearest the treetops.

The five “Rings” which helped make the layout of the town started with the Central Ring. Just as its name implied, the Central Ring is at the center of La’el. In the core of this inner-most Ring lives the first tree of the Vel Siron forest. This first tree is the largest of all in the forest where La’el was located and had been given the name Seal Weib, meaning “Mighty Protector.” Rumors said that none but an elf of pure intent could find the great tree of Vel Siron. It is for this reason the elves of La’el used Seal Weib to hold their secret gatherings.

The next Ring is the Inner. Located within this Ring are those elves that are members of the aristocracy, as well as many governing officials which advise those of nobility, and help with making various decisions. Within the Inner Ring also dwell the highly trained Eb-dae. These warring knights are trained to perfection, held above even the high standards of ordinary elves.

After the Inner, came the Selth Ring, which is the largest and most populated. The common elf lives within this ring and carries out his daily tasks.

The smallest of the five Rings of La’el is the Non-Ring, and was named thus due to the fact that it had almost not been created. An occasional political battle is still waged over whether the Ring should become part of the Selth. Yet, the Non-Ring remains its own; the few who hold control over it gripping tightly to their small claim. It is mostly filled with an assortment of shops and taverns and things of a similar nature.

The final Ring is the Outermost. Many vast gardens -- filled with a great variety of vegetables, fruits, herbs, and flowering plants -- fill the final Ring of La’el. A small number of elves live in the Outermost Ring, to be near their crops. In addition, a great number of “watch-towers,” manned by common warriors, fill the Outermost Ring, as well.

It was to the Non-Ring that Joenek was headed. Walking along the Understory boughs, he made his way through the crowds. To his left was a shop; a collection of tree limbs had been knit together in the shape of a book and hung above the door. On the side opposite was a building which sold a variety of herbs and tinctures.

Joenek walked along the crowded path and moved past many shops and venders selling their wares. As he drew nearer to his destination, the crowds began to grow. High Spirits, the only tavern in La’el, was filled with laughter and hollers of delight. Despite its small size, La’el had become well-known among the traders of Gael-Narenth. Many travelers stopped in the forest town on the way to distant locations.

Glancing through one of the two large front windows -- nothing more than decorative openings in the building -- Joenek could see many rothni huddled around tables, lifting their tankards of drink, and lounging about. At one table elves were playing Lale Ina, a game played with cubes of numbers and small rectangles of hardy bark that looked rather similar to thick sheets of parchment. A small cluster of gems and coins sat in the center of the table; the prize for the craftiest of the rothni in the group.

A few she-elves were relaxing in the tavern, as well; though they were not rothnash of wealth or nobility or propriety. They were nearly as bawdy as the ill-mannered rothni that filled the building. Dressed in frilled dresses of bright colors and excessive lace, the female elves took part in behaviors such as drinking and swearing and vulgar jesting, as well as darker acts in the privacy of their chambers. It was for such reasons that these rothnash were looked down upon by those who conducted themselves in a “proper manner”.

At last Joenek saw what he was looking for. To the right of the walkway was a hardy building looking quite different than the other shops which lined the Understory Non. It lacked the grace and detail of the typical elvish architecture and stood boldly, rather like a warrior wielding a hefty blade. It was, in fact, the shop of La’el’s only blacksmith and weapons master. And if the building itself was not proof enough of this fact, the weaponry and armor displayed in its single window certainly was.

Upon entering the building, one was immediately aware of a darkened hall in the wall directly opposite the entrance. A rather solemn elf watched the seemingly infinite number of wares. He sat on a tall stool behind the counter, with hair lying in a slightly unkempt way. The elf had leaned against the back wall with his arms crossed over his chest and a rather bored look plastered to his narrow face. Rather than converse with the ginger-haired elf, Joenek made straight for the hall. Once within it he moved with great agility down a stairway.

Because a tree is no place for a proper blacksmith’s forgery, the elves had brought two trees together; causing them to twist about one another, and circle a stairwell. The spiraling stairs ended in the forgery area that was beneath the earth and had a roof supported by the many root systems of the surrounding trees.

A great force of heat hit Joenek as he made the last turn in the stairs and walked into the vast, underground building. A roaring fire was burning upon the far wall and the crackling of its flames made it difficult to hear. However, the clanging of metal upon metal could clearly be heard and soon began piercing right through Joenek’s sensitive ears.

 “Ho, there!” The cringing elf shouted in greeting.

The ear-shattering ringing ceased and the well-muscled blacksmith turned his gaze upon the visitor. He gave a nod of recognition and held his hand up to show he had but a little work to do before his latest piece was finished.

Joenek gritted his teeth once more while he watched the grim-faced elf resume his hammering.

Finally, with a well-trained eye, the sweat-soaked elf looked over his work. With a curt nod of satisfaction, he laid the metal aside and made his way to Joenek, all the while rubbing his blackened hands upon a well-used cloth. He tossed the once-white fabric aside and grasped the hand of his visitant.

“Greetings, Joenek. Wha’ brings yeh here? Oi, did ye bring me thet Gredhe Orb?”

The flustered elf pulled the object out of its cloth and tossed the pearlescent orb to Arun. Joenek watched with curiosity; it wasn’t the first time he had wondered what the orb was and why he had been sent to fetch it. With a sly smile the blacksmith felt the smoothness of the object. He then proceeded to hold it up for inspection; looking for any blemishes and happily finding none.

 “Good morning, Arun.” There was a slight pause as Joenek shifted his weight and sent a look Arun’s way. “I need to talk to you.”

With a look of understanding, the metal-worker moved to a door in the side wall. He walked through and waited for Joenek to follow suit. After closing the thick door, and shutting the noise out with it, Arun moved to a barrel in the far corner. From it he produced two apples, one of which he tossed to his companion. With a hefty snap, the raven-haired elf bit into his apple and chewed a bit before questioning.

“So, Joen, what is it yer so troubled wit’?”

Without further prompting, Joenek proceeded to tell his friend of the dream he had had.

Throughout the entire narration Arun did not speak, and gave away nothing of what he thought. The only sign that he was, indeed, listening was the fact that one of his eyebrows continued twitching, as though he were trying to keep it from rising. Save for that small sign, he seemed simply fascinated with his quickly diminishing apple.

When Joenek had finished, Arun looked up from his decimated apple core and finally let loose his thoughts on the matter. The eyebrow now rose without resistance and a crooked, mocking grin took over his previously serious face.

“Oh my, Joen, thet sounds like a terrifyin’ dream.” He let out a boisterous howl and pounded a fist upon the centered table.

“What will ye do, Joen? Hide away forever, from t’is monstrous beasty?” Arun paused to catch his breath. Then, continuing to call Joenek by his childhood nickname, the grimy elf pressed forward with his banter.

“My, my, Joen…ye best find somewhere nobody’ll find yeh. Wouldn’t want our good ranger-in-trainin’ to fall to some dark blob, eh?”

Joenek had had enough of Arun’s jovial mockery. His friend did not understand; the large roth did not know of Joenek’s ability -- very few did.

Arun saw Joenek’s glare, and paused in his laughter. He started to weave some grand apology.

However, Arun was too late. Joenek hurled his untouched apple at the burly roth’s head. Arun caught it and, in turn, lifted a fine sword from its place on a long table at the center of the room. He had made the blade for Joenek, per the apprenticing ranger’s request, and now saw fit to launch it at his friend. Joenek barely caught the sheathed weapon in time, giving a grunt from the weight that the momentum had caused.

“Many thanks, my friend.” He shouted as he lifted the blade in the air and waved it around a bit. He then turned and began to leave.

“Any time, Joen!” Arun shouted up the steps.

Joenek continued to chuckle as he pounded up the stairs. He slowed down as he neared the top. The lighting gradually grew brighter and he had to blink a few times to adjust to it. As the roth stepped out into the shop, he turned to the elf behind the counter and gave a curt nod. Joenek made his way to the door and opened it.

Just outside was a formidable looking group.  Standing between two very large elves was a hooded figure with a hand out-stretched. She slowly pulled her hand back and concealed it within the folds of her lengthy cloak. Her shapely brow was lifted as she glanced upon Joenek with a look close to disdain.

Ever the gentleman, Joenek stepped aside to allow them entrance. With an air of self-importance, she brushed past him and moved straight to the elf managing the shop. The guards, however, remained outside the building. They stood watching the surrounding area like two hawks searching for their prey. With a hastened pace, Joenek stepped between them and left the shop.

Well…she sure was in a lovely mood. He thought with sarcasm. She seems to think she’s terribly important. Joenek strapped his new weapon to his waist and returned his thoughts to the vision.

As Joenek continued with his musings, a rather peculiar sort of rothnak sauntered toward him. She had a haggard look to her, as though she had spent too many nights sleeping in the wilderness. Dressed in a motley collection of fabrics, it looked as though she had scrounged up what clothing she could and had tossed them on any which way. Her hair was rather bedraggled and hung heavily, in greasy clumps. A smudge ran across her cheek and added to her homely appearance. The rothnak’s frame was hidden in all the rags of fabric, but what parts of her could be seen were gaunt and rather sickly in appearance. Her green eyes were the only things which showed some beauty, but even they seemed tainted by a dark and tortured life. As she neared Joenek, a strange light filled these care-worn eyes.

 “Oh…” she began in a low voice. A semi-alluring smile lit her grimy face as she touched the tip of her stained finger to the cloth of Joenek’s shirt. “You look like the caring sort. Could you spare some money for a rothnak in need?”

Taken off guard, Joenek pulled away from her and stuttered out a response.

“Um…erm…no, no I don’t -- I mean…I can’t.”

“Oh, come now, handsome. Surely you have a little something.” She moved closer to him and draped one arm over his shoulder and wrapped the other around his waist. An awful odor rose up to meet his nose. Joenek stiffened in anxiety and attempted not to gag at her stench.

What is wrong with this rothnak?

Slowly she brought her hand over and stroked all the way down his neck, leaving her hand gently on his chest. He could feel her warm breath tickle his neck as she continued.

“I’m sure I could repay you…somehow.” Her grin widened to a smile, and a set of grimy, yellowed teeth showed between her chapped lips.

Joenek pulled away from the strange she-elf and high-tailed it to the other side of the walkway. Only then did he notice that the day had grown dim. The young elf could feel an ever-growing sense of apprehension filling his veins.

What a crazy elf. What sort of roth does she think I am? The repulsed elf gave a shiver of disgust and tried to set his mind to other things; which was not as hard as he would have believed.

On the opposite side of the “street,” a great commotion began. The uneasy elf heard the clattering, splintering sound of a wood stand being smashed and tossed about. Shrieks of terror and bellows of dismay could also be heard. Turning toward the sounds of destruction and terror, Joenek caught sight of three gruesome creatures. Never had he seen one so near, let alone three. They were Elaborathin; hideous creatures very like to elves. In fact, the Elaborathin race was the outcome of a horrid experiment and was, indeed, part elf. But quite unlike the elves, these creatures were grotesque, massive, and simply brutish.

These three were covered from head to toe in armor; great, bulky armor which matched their countenance. As if the creatures themselves didn’t look evil enough, the protective covering brought even more foulness to their appearance. It was a dark gray color; not quite black. The metal was of a very dull sort, lacking any sheen. A cruel-looking symbol, inlaid in a glossy black, could be seen on the breast plate, as well as on the helmets, shoulder pieces, vambraces and shin guards.

Upon seeing the Elaborathin, Joenek hurtled himself behind a barrel which was filled with miry water and sat in the alley next to him. He watched on as the creatures made their way down the lane. It was the same at each of the stands. The giant creatures would toss aside the wares which were displayed, and destroy whatever they could. Occasionally, an elf would try thwarting the bestial mixed-breed, only to be tossed aside, stabbed or -- in the case of one unfortunate soul -- beheaded.

With suddenness, and an eerie uniformity, all three monstrosities stilled and slowly turned their heads to look the same direction. Joenek felt his stomach lurch as they looked his way. But they did not see the nervous elf crouching behind the barrel. Their sight was fixed on something beyond his hiding location.

With great caution Joenek turned to glance behind him.

Casually making their way along the shops were the three elves whom Joenek had seen at Arun’s. They were the target; they were what the Elaborathin were searching for.

“Give us the Gredhe Orb, she-elf.” The middle creature commanded in a cold, rasping voice.

The female stopped mid-stride, and turned to face her opponent. She drew herself up and held her head high as she made her remark.

“You think I am so low as to obey your commands? You shall perish before you lay one ragged claw upon the Hibh en Gredhe.” As she spoke, the rothnak laid her hand upon a rounded satchel at her side.

“Fool! We shall smite thee! You think you can stand against the likes of us? I’ll tear your ‘ead from its place and feed your insides to my lerecht.”

“You could not touch me, wretch; I am protected by Feridh himself!”

“You honestly think that being of legend will protect you?”

Joenek could not restrain the shudder that coursed through him at the sound of the metallic voice. The female, however, was behaving with seemingly limitless sangfroid.

“Indeed, I do. You know of His power and that He could destroy you without a second thought. You know that Feridh is far more than a being of lore.”

“Do not speak such a vile name, wench. Or by all the fires of Khaman I shall eliminate this entire, pathetic village. I will leave you to look on as we slaughter every inhabitant. I will have that Gredhe Orb.”

“Then come claim your prize, if you dare!” The fierce rothnak shouted, fire alight in her eyes.

The Elaborathin needed no more encouragement. Each one charged toward their prey. Meanwhile, the two guards protecting the female pulled out their hefty, two-handed blades. Joenek watched in horror as the monsters drew nearer to their quarry. As they ran, the creatures stooped over -- nearly running on all fours -- and snarled excitedly, eager to destroy life in order to satiate their blood-lust.

The female elf backed up a pace or two, allowing her guards to stand side-by-side. They stood in front of her like a brick wall. Nothing would pass them while they yet breathed. And valiantly did they fight. In the end, though, it was not enough. The guard on the left had barely managed to wound one of the Elaborathin before he was gutted. The elf was left dying upon the boughs which made the “road.” The other roth was able to down the beast which had accosted him, but not without receiving a severe gash on his leg which caused him to collapse in agony.  As he fell, one of the two remaining Elaborathin flung him, so that he sailed across the walkway and was slammed into a building.

Left without the defense of her guards, the female elf watched as the two creatures hovered around her, waiting to attack. She tossed her hooded cloak aside and pulled her own blade from its scabbard. Dressed in simple form-fitting breeches and tunic, she readied her stance.

The Elaborathin growled and sneered, driveling in anticipation. They stood taller, stretching to their full height; she was approximately two-thirds their size. The elf’s face was emotionless and her breathing was slow and calm. A great roar erupted from the brutish jowls of the leading Elaborathin. He swiftly back-handed the rothnak and a great crash rose to the air as she flew through one of the windows of High Spirits.

Having sailed through the opening, the female’s body landed halfway on the far end of one of the many round tables. With all the momentum behind her still form, the table tipped and sent coins and Lale Ina pieces into the air. Many of the rothnash screamed in terror and a clanging could be heard as coin and various items fell upon the floor. The she-elf’s body ended up near the bar of the tavern. A few rothni moved toward her; she made no sound and no movement could be seen.

Still across the way from a now damaged and disorderly High Spirits, Joenek stood in attempt to see if the she-elf had survived the brutal blow. However, as he did so, a light caught his attention. Glancing down the elf saw, to his shock, the Gredhe Orb. Without thinking, he reached down and picked it up.

Immediately he recognized his mistake. A dark shadow came across the lane. There, before him, stood the two sinister beings. Malice and desire were written in their eyes, vengeance exuded from their enormous, well-muscled frames.

Joenek swore under his breath.

Just my luck, he thought.

He made a mad dash down the avenue, shoving people out of his way while calling for them to move. He took a throwing dagger from his boot and leapt into the air, cutting the rope of the banners which had been hung over the “road”. It fell just in time to cover the faces of the beasts, and trip them up a bit. However, they plowed right through. Being part elf, they had the speed and agility of the elvish race, and they were quickly closing the gap.

The fleeing roth tossed an older female aside and knocked a pile of crates into the lane. He heard the crash shortly thereafter as the Elaborathin worked their way over the debris. Joenek could feel his legs burning as he pushed them to their limits. He could not run forever -- that much he knew -- but he had to find a better location to duel the maniacal beings. The elf saw a small group of children ahead and noted that they were playing a game of Pendt, which required the use of small glass balls called corrins. He ran toward the board which the children used to play the game upon and hollered, urging them to run away, as he leapt across it.

The Elaborathin, so determined in their pursuit, paid no heed to the Pendt board and ran over the top of it. The first one to reach it stepped directly on the corrins and almost fell. He began back-pedaling to keep himself upright, which only caused him to crash down upon his rear and trip his companion who was directly behind him. Joenek gave a whoop of triumph, and turned down a side road. Having a moment to spare, he espied a rope that had been carefully looped and set upon a crate. He snatched the rope and tied it across a small section of the walkway, at about the same height as his knees. He then waited to see the Elaborathin, and continued his break-neck pace. He heard howls of anger as the half-elves tripped over his trap.

“You shall die!” One howled, its voice sounding like metal scraping against metal.

Joenek then made a sharp turn into an alley, only to find it was a dead end. Again, he cursed his fortunes. The roth swiveled around to face his opponents. He was doomed; cornered in an alley with two Elaborathin blocking his escape. There was no way out; he was certainly dead.

The two that loomed over him were crazed. Foamy saliva was dripping down their chins and was splattered on the breast plates of their blood-stained armor. They were far more beast than elf, at this point. They wanted more than the orb; they desired revenge -- they hungered for flesh and blood.

The bestial forms drew closer and Joenek racked his brain for some sort of escape, finding none. He sighed with resignation and took on a proper fighting stance after unsheathing his new blade. One of the Elaborathin flung itself the short distance and attempted to plow right into the elf. However, Joenek leapt to the side and lodged his throwing knife into the side of the beast, where the armor was weak. The Elaborathin howled in pain and rage. It turned on Joenek and lashed out with its clawed hands. Joenek flung himself beneath the beast, sliding between its legs, and hopping up behind the creature. He had no plan, now, except to survive.

Suddenly another form appeared. It was the blonde rothnak; she had jumped down from one of the buildings and was now trapped in the ally with Joenek. She tossed him a condescending look and began battling the leading elf-beast. Joenek was left to duel the being with his dagger stuck in its side.

He dodged, swerved, ducked, and maneuvered for a few minutes, throwing a stab in, here and there. Finally, enraged, the half-elf stood tall for a killing blow. Before he struck Joenek, however, the elf flung his sword up into the Elaborathin’s face. The blade plunged into its open mouth piercing through the back of its skull. With a gurgled gust, the beast fell to the boughs. Thick, purple-black blood oozed from the wound and began seeping through the branches to the earth below.

Joenek looked up to see the rothnak cleaning her blade, the other Elaborathin lying dead beside her. She glanced up at him; this time he knew it was disdain written on her face. He dislodged his sword from the skull of the deceased monster and began cleaning it.

“Just what did you think you could do?”

When Joenek made no reply she gave a snort of contempt. She sheathed her sword and walked to him. The haughty elf placed her fisted hands on her hips and looked the dark-haired roth up-and-down. She then proffered her hand and looked expectantly at Joenek. He glanced up from his sword for a short moment, looking at the she-elf as though she were insane. Joenek then resumed his cleaning, as if it were exceedingly important.

“Give me the Orb.” She spat out with impatience.

“Why should I?” Joenek questioned in a tiresome sort of voice. He was growing weary of her pompous behavior. Her eyes squinted in agitation and she worked her jaw in attempt to control the anger bubbling up inside her. Finally, she gave in to her irritation.

“Who are you to question me? Give me that Orb.” She stated with forcefulness. She extended her hand further, assuming he would do so willingly.

Joenek made a face as if he were considering it.

“Eh…no, I don’t think I will.” He said in his most pretentious tone.

Before he could process what was happening, the rothnak dealt him a swift punch to the eye. She then slammed her knee into his ribs, causing Joenek to double over; as much to prevent her from yanking the orb from his grasp as from pain. She leaned back and looked at him with condescension in her eyes.

“Pft! Knave.”

Author's Note

Please feel free to give critiques; this is still a work in progress, so all manner of opinions are appreciated.

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

The pace of the first chapter --- gradually presents itself...
you hit the marks --- with the story line coming together...
the descriptions and action flows...
again just an add touch to reel in the next chapter...
as for errors...I saw none...I even did a double take in areas of the dialogue...
I see there in more to come with this Gredhe Orb...
I would have liked -- that you put a bit more within the time lapse...
of when she is knockout...and the time he is running for his life...
like her following behind the trail --- as she gains back consciousness...
but a minor detail impo...but if I had to give one that's my two cents worth...

[Elina]

Thank you so much.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

you're welcome...I'll get at another chapter...in the immediate future...you have a skill for the quill....

[UN]

I began reading this chapter, but did not finish it so I will talk about what I did read. The imagery is great, the dream was genuinely frightening, the only thing I'd change is the part where you say that he felt a tingling that said that the dream was a premonition... I would probably wait to let everyone know that it was a premonition. Actually I probably wouldnt, because I am an infamous info-dumper, but that was my thought, that it may be better to wait on it. I will return to it soon! You are prolific lol

[Elina]

Yes, I do apologize for my lengthy chapters (fine in an ordinary book...a bit of a nuisance on-line). Thank you, though, for taking the time to read this novel. I appreciate your time, thoughts, and suggestions more than I can express.
I understand what you are saying, concerning Joenek's abilities. However, I felt that it was something that needed to be made known from the start. Now the reader will be waiting for and anticipating the event...I thought it might make them more excited to read on, in order to satiate their curiosity as to the outcome of the situation.
But fear not! There are plenty of other things that remain a bit of a secret for some time...
Thank you, again, for the review!

[UN]

No problem! You are great

[Skai Rain]

Ooh, this is a very cool story! I'll be sure to read the rest once I get through my 1000 read requests, haha. Joenek seems like a very well thought out character and I already enjoy reading about him. I've never been much of a fan of third-person, but this is very well-written. Great work and thank you for sharing!

[Elina]

Thank you for the kind words. I'm glad you are enjoying it, so far.

[Sam]

Ah, bedraggled, sangfroid... brilliant words. I like it so far.

[Elina]

Thank you. Yes, I am rather fond of using a variety of vocabulary; especially words that the "hoi palloi" would not know haha. I don't want my books to be a load of rubbish; I want people to learn things from them, in addition to gaining entertainment, of course.
Thank you for the review.

[Nicholas Hagenschneider]

Awesome fight scene. I enjoyed reading this one for sure.

[Elina]

Thank you! I am glad you enjoyed it.

[Stefanie Holmes]

I love the creativity you are putting into this story. I'm so impressed with your character's names. I never could come up with things so unique without it sounding completely dumb.
Anyway, there were no glaring errors that I could spot and the chapter flowed very smoothly.
Can't wait to continue reading more!

~Stefanie

[Elina]

Thank you so much. It is such a joy for me to create a world such as this, and create a language and names. And I am glad that you are enjoying this so well.

[Eddie Davis]

Very interesting beginning to your book. You write very well and have taken the time to carefully check your grammar and spelling, which puts you ahead of most (myself included) here at Writer's Cafe. Aside from the aforementioned small font, your chapter is incredibly well done.

For a chapter that is on-line, it might have been a bit long -- by this I mean you might have split this chapter into two chapters. You paint a very detailed setting in this chapter that captures very closely what I imagine a Sylvan Elf city would look like. I liked the 'common-ness' of your Elves. They were not all sitting around playing harps and looking melancholy, but were living real lives. Your style is a neat mixture of High Fantasy and 'common' fantasy which is quite charming.

I was amused at the back and forth banter between the Elaborathin and the Elf lady. There seemed to be a hint of humor here. When Joenek gets beat up by the Elf lady, I loved it. The interaction between these two is going to be wonderful.

You really have the knack for writing and I think you certainly have a bright future writing fantasy stories. I've read a lot of fantasy books over the years, and I can tell you that your work is quite good. Keep writing and I'll keep reading your work.

[Elina]

Wow, I feel quite honoured by your lovely review. Thank you to taking the time to read my book.
read moreWow, I feel quite honoured by your lovely review. Thank you to taking the time to read my book.
As for the length of the chapter, I am writing this with the intention of publishing it (once it's finished) so I have just been posting them as the length they would be in the actual book. I understand that staring at a computer screen for hours on end is exhausting -- and quite frankly, rather annoying -- but I don't expect people to read my book in one sitting. Haha!
Thank you again, for your kind words.

[Josh Dollar]

Good. I think we've got the next Tolkien or Rowling. And I'm not joking. The dialog is very well written, the charecter discreptions are as well.

[Elina]

Oh, wow! *blushes* Thank you. Haha! I don't really know what to say...thank you for the kind words.

[Sue Hart]

The only snag I hit were the names of the levels of the city and trying to get the gest of it. The story moves well and I enjoyed the action of it here. Being that I don't read fantasy much, I found myself thinking of the 'Hobbit' to envision the elves with their pointy ears and small stature. The beasts were described quite well along with the fight. I could see this chapter as if it were a motion picture. Good job.

[Elina]

Yes, I am not very happy with my description of the city. I've worked on it quite a bit, and I think I will have worked on it one hundred times more before I'm pleased with it. Thank you very much.

[Sue Hart]

Did you try describing it as Joenek looks out a window or walks in the city? Perhaps doing it a little at a time. Woven into the first part of the story?? I'm not really one to give advice, I seldom get to deep into descriptions.

[Elina]

Thank you for the ideas. I will have to try that and see how it turns out.

[Sue Hart]

Hope it helps. There are times when scenes take me awhile to smooth out too. Too often I tend to over write it. I'm trying to kill that habit.