Chapter 5

“Adam, I just need you to promise me one thing.  You have to keep moving on in life.  Forget about me and go to Cornell for architecture, do everything that you wanted.” . . .

                I began tying my black and gray striped tie that went with my black shirt and my black suit.  Taking a deep breath a quickly rubbed some gel through my hair.  Today was going to be the hardest day of my life.

               I drove separately from my mother to the funeral because she said she had to get some last minute things together.  In a way I was glad I wouldn’t have to sit in the car with her for twenty minutes, we would be lashing out at each other again within five minutes of the drive there.  It scared me knowing how much my mother hated Addison for taking her own life, yet she was in charge of the funeral.  My biggest fear was walking in and it being a big party instead of a funeral.  Today was day four without Addie, and honestly it was just getting harder everyday as the reality set it. 

               As I pulled up to the church there were already guests arriving, every single one dressed in their dark, inklike colors; many with a ball of tissues already dabbing at their moist eyes.  Not wanting to see any more of the graphic emotions I ducked my head and watched my feet as they continued to carry me forward.  When I grew closer, everyone else seemed to grow farther away as they parted like the red sea.    I kept clenching and unclenching my hands as my own emotions threatened to overrun me. 

               Once I arrived in the room I was supposed to wait in until the ceremony started, I instantly sat down and began rocking back and forth as my forearms rested on my thighs.  I felt someone hand gently touch my back and I looked up to see Dameon.  Today he would be helping carry Addie’s casket, a job I would never be able to handle.  He didn’t speak a word, but the silence was enough.  No words could describe the pain or emotion today would hold.  As I thought this, the door to the room opened slowly.  In walked Monica and as soon as she saw me in such a raw condition, she lost it.  Her sobs echoed about the room as everyone was too scared to speak.  I gently enclosed her in a hug, which only seemed to make her cry louder. 

               She began shaking her head back in forth and whimpered, “I can’t…I can’t…” again and again.

                I looked down at her and whispered, trying to contain myself, “You have to…you have to say goodbye…”  She continued to shake her head but didn’t verbally abject.  It was going to take all of our will power combined to walk down that isle to say goodbye.

               About 15 minutes later we were summoned into the hall as the ceremony would be starting any time soon.  I looked over at Dameon and gave him a slight nod.  This seemed to withhold all of our conversations.  We didn’t need words anymore.  As I looked around I noticed that my father wasn’t there.  I had never contacted him regarding Addie but my mother said she would handle it.  I really hoped he showed up, I know it would mean so much to Addie if he did.  Thinking about this I more importantly noticed that my own mother wasn’t here for it all to begin.  No sooner did I notice this did she come out of another nearby room.  She got in the lineup and fluffed her outfit a few times.  I walked up behind her and whispered, “Where is dad?” 

               She didn’t even bother to turn around as she said “he couldn’t make it.”

               I stood there stunned, how could he not come to his own daughter’s funeral? “What…How?  What does he have that is more important than his daughter’s funeral?”  I asked in amazement.  She ignored my question as the opening song; “You Raise Me Up” started playing.  My own body tensed up at the song, and I heard Monica sniffle and swallow a sob.  This was going one of the longest hours of my life.  We proceeded down the aisle at the pace of a snail.  I felt as if it was so that everyone could take pity on us and judge us on how we were handling the whole situation.  I began the walk with my head held high but as I saw the hundreds of people, some already crying, the priest waiting to send my sister away forever, and Addie’s casket, my chin immediately dropped to my chest as my face grew hot.  We bowed one at a time at her casket, and I took the extra moment and took in her lifeless, body.  The embalmer had cleaned her up, redone her makeup, put on her favorite outfit, and made it so that it actually looked as if she was alive.  I wanted to reach out and touch her but refrained myself from doing so.

               I sat down in my assigned seat, with Monica to my right and Dameon to my left.  The priest began the ceremony.  “Friends, we gather here in the protective shelter of God's healing love.  We are free to pour out our grief, release our anger, face our emptiness, and know that God cares.”  I sucked in a ragged breath as he continued with his opening and prayer.  “We gather here on this sad day to remember the life of Addison, daughter of Theresa and Robert, brother of Adam our friend and neighbor.  Addison was born on September 18^th, 1994 and died suddenly, and sadly, by her own hand, on March 24, 2012.  She is remembered by Adam and other members of his family for her love of cheer leading and dance.  She dreamed of being a Lawyer.  Every day, she woke up with a smile and as far as everyone else could see, went to bed with a smile.  That smile brought happiness to many people. Addison preferred to be called Addie by her close friends, and always wanted those friends to be happy no matter how she felt.  Her friends’ feelings were put in front of hers.  If only we had known, we would’ve done anything in our power to for once put her feelings in front of our own.” 

               I felt Monica shaking next to me from her silent sobs and I reached over and grabbed her hand giving it a squeeze.  She turned and looked at me through her tears and offered me an ever small smile.

“We gather to comfort and support one another in our common loss; especially remembering Addison Williams we gather to hear God's word of hope that can drive away our despair and move us to offer praise to God.  We commend Addison to God's care and keeping as we celebrate the good news of Christ's resurrection.  For whether we live or whether we die, we belong to Christ, who is Lord both of the dead and of the living.”

Author's Note

This isn't the whole funeral, still much more to come but I wanted to be extra nice and upload another chapter. I know it's a little boring but the next chapters you will begin to see a little more and more will come out(including what is in Addison's letter) Thank you for reading and I love the feedback!

Reviews

[❤ Maggie ❤..]

Ahhhh this is soooo sad! Aha I almost felt like I was getting choked up reading it! Very well written, except the line "daughter of Theresa and Robert, brother of Adam..." Shouldn't it be "sister of Adam"? Anyways VERY VERY good!!! I want to keep reading! I can't wait to read the next chapter and find out what happens!

[Angelica]

thank you so much!!! :) and yes I should probably change that, I wondered if it sounded awkward or anything. Sorry I kinda forgot about updating....but I am now!

[❤ Maggie ❤]

Oh it's fine!! I'm sure you're busy! I know I am, with school and everything :P But I really do like it a lot!