ch. 3

ch. 3

A Chapter by Bandgeek

              He startes to talk "This is my best of the best devices. You see when you rode that thing over my toe you broke. So now i break yours. All five of the," he smiled as he grabbed his toy. This toy it rolls. I think of the worst things that could happen. But in the end he stands over me and rolls it right over her left foot. She scream in pain, but mainly horror. While he just laughs he goes to find his next toy. This must be all be a to him. I fall over. Not having the suppot i need support in my foot anymore. He comes back with a large pair of scissors. He grabs my right hand. And takes the scissors and cuts my middle finger off.

                  She was able to control the look on her face. That did not amusing him. In the end he dragged her over to this table, and grabs a deck of cards with his long and stringy fingers. He deals half to her and half to another person. She look over to see if she might know the other person. To her shock it was her former best friend Ann. She was with her that night they rode the bikes. The look on her face. Was horrible. She was scared. He tells her its time to flip a card. She flips the card. King of hearts.

                   This monster who is doing this to us is just laughing. Only he knows the game. He looks at Amanda and tells her it is her turn to flip a card. Her card was an ace of hearts. The grin doesnt look very good. He says that an ace beats a king. That beast of a person walks slowly towards all of his toys to pick out the one he wants. She try not to cry out, but it just comes out like waterfalls.

       "Whats with the tears darling? Dont you like this game? Its my favorite game," Its like he does it all the time. He starts talking. All she hear is that she  got the worst card. The ace is the worst. He comes with a giant smile on his face. Both of his hands behind his back. The look that he gave her. Pure enjoyment. The man shows them what he brought. A bloodie knife.

        He took the knife and brought it to her best friends hand. He cut straight through it without a pause. The pain in her face was just unbearible. She couldnt stand it anymore.

             "Please she didnt do anything. Leave her alone. Take me. I am the one who ran over your toe. Just let her go," the words came out but she didnt even know where they came from. His smile disapears. He doesnt look pleased. With him not pleased means that he will do something worse. He comes over to me with a smile so bright, but the smile was fake. It was just glued on to his face like someone planted it their.

            "Sweetie, I dont care if it was just you and know one else. Its not fun having just one victim. You must have two. Just to watch the other person squirm while i torture one," his voice was passionate. He kept talking and the words got worse and worse as he went on. He goes on about prevous victims he has had. He said at one point one lady had a baby here. He let her hold the child before he went on to go and viciously cut the childs head off. The women was devestated. He didnt care, because he was amused with it.

       He left soon after his story telling. Told them to get losts of rest and dont leave. He knew them. More than our parents. he knows secrets and just stuff about them they didnt even know they had. Somehow he knew where Amanda's birthmark was. Her birthmare is right on my left butt cheek. He must have seen us naked at one pint or another. Not even my best friend knows that about me.


© 2011 Bandgeek

Author's Note

It is not quit done yet.
please ignore spelling errors.
please review.

My Review

Would you like to review this Chapter?
Login | Register


That didn't take long. So you want me to ignore spelling errors, eh? As a recovering Grammar Nazi, I find it hard to do such things, but I will try. So first, as in the previous chapter, you shift from first back to third person. There's nothing wrong with doing that. I've seen a few books switch between the two perspectives every other chapter or so. But here, you do it in mid sentence! Choose a perspective and stick to it, Hun. Other than that, there's not much else I can say. You seem pretty good at writing creepy killers, though. I would have been more scared were it not for the glaring spelling errors. Okay that's enough from me.

Posted 9 Years Ago

hahaha...i'm reading this backwards, good so far

Posted 9 Years Ago

You seemed rushed dear... the best thing about horror is suspense... this could be a great book but you need to focus on slowing things down and building up a suspense... let us get to know the characters first, then let us enjoy her life that she lived before the killer came back for her... stuff like that... lots and lots of details then work your way up to the killer... after all, if it's a book you want... you can't kill the main character off in the first few chapters now, can you?

Posted 9 Years Ago

Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


3 Reviews
Added on June 3, 2010
Last Updated on March 13, 2011



Columbus, OH

I haven't been on here in so long. I read through my old stuff and remembered why I was writing. I hope I can get back into the habit. I forgot how much I enjoyed it. more..

Chapter 1 Chapter 1

A Chapter by Bandgeek

The Time The Time

A Book by Bandgeek

Who Knew Who Knew

A Poem by Bandgeek

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..

One Guy One Guy

A Poem by Bandgeek